Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year-old boy, and an 19 month-old girl. I was chasing them around the house, having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change, the 3 year-old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML
Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML
Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML
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Top comments
UmmOkThen 31
That is what we call a natural consequence..... hurts livings things and in general they will hurt you back
SophieMariff 6
Wait, so did it mean that your daughter bit you in the ass? And don't worry about it, we don't blame you for kicking your daughter by accident because it's instinct and you didn't know!
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Comments (33)
papa_raatsi 9
Not your fault, if the kid isn't permanently damaged it's a lesson learned.
WyldGundam 19
Damn cat-like reflexes. Too bad your daughter didn't have them yet as well.
Cari Judith 2
That's so not your fault??your daughter shouldn't have bit your ass
oniontom 2
what a pity
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Well, this is the perfect opportunity to explain to her that biting people is not okay.
jessicasoho 13
Kid's like that are why "Do Not Eat" is on paint. The lesson is either self taught or an incredible adventure.
fantastamazing 10
Why did your daughter bite your ass????
HawaiiThad 14
Maybe stop kicking your dogs.
Michael Field 6
I feel like an a$$ for confessing how I reacted. I started laughing and couldn't stop for a few minutes, I could barely breath.
imbreadytodie 6
i laughed more than i should have im sorry.