Love and Money: Today, after ordering a custom $200 Valentine's Day gift box...

By Phoenix2115 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after ordering a custom $200 Valentine's Day gift box for my husband, he gave it away to a female coworker upon delivery because Valentine's Day isn't for guys. I hope she like the new Xbox one controller and all the gift cards as well. FML

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Love

Money

Walk on the wild side

Fear factor

Age ain't nothing but a number

By thoughthewasjoking - United States - Bessemer

Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML

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By Moon_Glade

Today, at work, I have discovered the wonderful feeling of having a paper cut, with metal, under your nail, on all your nails. FML

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By disturbedgd - South Africa - Durban

Today, I had my first steamy wet dream. It contained the Power Rangers. FML

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By Ania - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mom. I went into my department and tried on some clothes. After a few minutes, there is an announcement that a child has gone missing. Staff are searching the store. I see my mom and she hugs me in tears and yells, "I found her!" I'm almost 17. FML

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By iblamethetories - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had to pay my bus fare in very small change. After carefully counting out coins under the withering glares of a bus-load of people, I quickly slid them into the machine, and somehow ended up jamming it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

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By notafatlump

Today, I was walking home from the gym. I was thinking about how proud of myself I was for losing 34 pounds when someone yelled from a car window, "Look at that fat lump!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

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By Farmgirl

Today, during harvest, I got out of my tractor and promptly fell down the stairs, peed my pants, and stepped ankle deep in a mud hole. I sat in wet pants for the next two hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2020 08:09

Caring

Today, I was rummaging about in the pantry. When I turned to walk away, the heavy pantry door fell off, struck me in the back of the head, and the wood surrounding the doorknob cracked. When my mom came home, she accused me of "property damage." FML

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By dancer_2014 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 05:01

With friends like these…

Today, I told my “best friend” that I'd tested positive for COVID-19. She told me to “chill”. Ten years of friendship and she didn’t even ask if I was OK. FML

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By StevieMe - Canada

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

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By Lorus - United States

Today, I passed a kidney stone. This is the third one in two years. I'm only 23. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Carlisle

Today, I came home early from work and found my brother in my bed with a girl I've never met. Apparently he's been using my house to hook up with girls while I'm gone. FML

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By Tygastyle - United States

Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML

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By deven - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

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16696

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By munckncruncj15 - United States

Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at a family gathering, it emerged that my now ex-fiancé has been sleeping with his brother's girlfriend for some time now. A fight broke out, the police were called, and more than one of his relatives are blaming me for him cheating with her. FML

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By frmitalywithlove - United States

Today, my coworker thought it would be funny to throw my keys up onto the top shelf in storage. I'm 4'10. FML

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Christmas shopping

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

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By regrub - United States

Today, ignoring the unspoken rule of not entering the bus when the driver's not inside, I went in while he was taking a break. As I stepped inside, he reached in the window and pressed the "close-door" button. It closed on my hand. Everyone at the bus stop laughed as I yelped in pain. FML

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By Perdito_Coño - Australia - Quakers Hill

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

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By Cait - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

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By nerp - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

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By headdesk - United States - Kaneohe

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

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By Telemarket - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by a call from "the Nuisance Call Prevention Registry". The lady on the telephone didn't see the irony. FML

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By Gary - Canada

Today, I was walking next to this building that was getting renovated, and read a sign that said "Watch out for falling debris at all times." While I was watching out for debris, I fell down a staircase. FML

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By jitiizer - Netherlands - Leeuwarden

Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML

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By madiison09 - United States

Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML

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By annie - 31/12/2020 02:01 - United States - San Jose

Memento

Today, at the age of 24, the only way I can remember anything at all is if I repeat it over and over again like a mantra. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I think I found out just how many times I've ordered through UberEats when my delivery guy told me that, "We should stop seeing each other like this!" with a chuckle. FML

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1427

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By EpicMayonnaise - United States

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

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28321

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By anon - United States - Northbrook

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

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By Beesmakemerun

Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML

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By embarassed - United States

Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

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By alexa - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

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Top comments

By interesting33 | 36

#7600194 - Friday 16 February 2018 21:19

wow so his masculinity is so fragile he gave it away and he didn't even look at the gift you had thoughtfully got him? that is disgraceful

By Bloo2555 | 22

#7600096 - Friday 16 February 2018 17:20

He's got to be the ultimate schmuck in existance.

COMMENTS

By Bloo2555 | 22

#7600096 - Friday 16 February 2018 17:20

He's got to be the ultimate schmuck in existance.

Thundernutz | 15

#7604482 - Tuesday 27 February 2018 0:19

I also want to call him a dumbfuck... In all of the relationships ive been in not once have i ever gotten a Vday gift; what part of Vday isnt for guys?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

By interesting33 | 36

#7600194 - Friday 16 February 2018 21:19

wow so his masculinity is so fragile he gave it away and he didn't even look at the gift you had thoughtfully got him? that is disgraceful

By Matt Kesler | 16

#7604456 - Monday 26 February 2018 23:06

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Hi_Five | 5

#7604481 - Tuesday 27 February 2018 0:18

No.

By samdhjr | 8

#7604461 - Monday 26 February 2018 23:11

Wow get rid of him

By Remy Authement | 5

#7604471 - Monday 26 February 2018 23:43

his loss

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7604487 - Tuesday 27 February 2018 0:22

Valentine's day isn't for guys, my butt! Valentine's gifts don't have to be pink, heart-shaped and frilly.

By manb91uk | 22

#7604489 - Tuesday 27 February 2018 0:26

Your husband’s a moron

By BellaD13 | 18

#7604499 - Tuesday 27 February 2018 0:55

Normally I’m not the one to say this, but divorce his unappreciative ass. Hopefully you can get some of it back from his co-worker without too much trouble. Hopefully we get a follow up

By tash901 | 31

#7604503 - Tuesday 27 February 2018 1:10

I guess at least the gift of giving is with him... Definitely sucks for you though

By Rabite | 28

#7604511 - Tuesday 27 February 2018 1:27

How could he not even look into it? I hope you sent him the bill for it and cancelled all the other gifts for this year.