Miscellaneous: Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked... - FML

By ahappypenguin - 26/09/2012 04:07

Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 934

You deserved it 2 019

Age difference

And today, on Dr Phil…

The patriarchy rules

By Pissed - 20/06/2016 19:27 - United States - Asheville

Today, I purposefully spilt my 44oz. cup of water on myself at work, because spending the rest of the day in soaking wet pants was less embarrassing than letting people know I'd pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 270

You deserved it 2 924

By SoVeryMonday - 30/11/2009 18:01 - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 081

You deserved it 9 507

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 15:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 425

You deserved it 4 813

By Anonymous - 12/08/2014 00:34 - United States - Columbus

Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 415

You deserved it 4 879

By troubleintoyland - 24/12/2010 03:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 730

You deserved it 9 508

Belch monster

By gross - 23/05/2021 02:00

Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 219

Splitting hairs

By hairycarrie - 28/08/2020 04:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, although the I’ve always kept my pubic hair neat and trimmed, my boyfriend once again complained that I don’t shave. When I told him that shaving is uncomfortable and risks ingrown hairs, he sulked and said, “But it’ll look so much better!” He needs to lay off the porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 512

By traumatized - 18/06/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 102

You deserved it 3 586

Knock knock

By iHateMyRoommate - 28/07/2021 11:59 - United States - Loveland

Today, I had to tell an adult man that, even though he’s friends with my roommate and the door is unlocked, he should definitely wait until someone answers the door before letting himself in. I almost shot him because he was rooting through my shit looking for his phone he'd "lost". FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 91

By Otherguy - 18/11/2008 07:36 - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 903

You deserved it 9 377

By JP - 18/06/2009 16:11 - Italy

Today, I went to the bank to make a withdrawal in order to celebrate my last day here in Italy with my friends. Apparently I'm overdrawn by 187 dollars so I'm eating nothing but leftover stale crackers to survive until I get free plane food on my way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 965

You deserved it 47 838

By frustrated - 11/07/2013 04:52 - United States - Antioch

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 729

You deserved it 3 564

Throw the book at him

By Jen - 30/04/2019 20:00

Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 098

You deserved it 259

By neighbor - 26/01/2014 13:08 - Australia - Mosman

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 817

You deserved it 4 001

By Anonymous - 23/01/2017 20:00

Today, I met my boyfriend's entire extended family at a party. All of them, including his dad, said I looked exactly like his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 871

You deserved it 459

By bjevilcat2 - 18/10/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, my doctor confirmed that the extreme pain I've been experiencing is due to a kidney stone. My friend decided this was the time to tell me that passing a kidney stone is the male equivalent of child birth. Hello even more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 190

You deserved it 4 523

By STOPTAKINGPICTURES - 08/07/2013 23:45 - United States - New York

Today, it's been the tenth restaurant meal in a row that my husband has to ruin with Instagram, in the belief that anyone cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 851

You deserved it 5 075

By Infadel - 22/07/2014 21:55 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 768

You deserved it 10 482

By oopsididitagain - 30/11/2010 18:49 - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 936

You deserved it 30 179

Spooky

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 17:00

Today, I work as a RGN in an old victorian-style nursing home. Due to Covid-19, we've lost many residents, one passing just the night prior while I was with him. This morning, the TV turned on its own at nearly 4 a.m. in the lounge, and one of the HCAs reported stuff falling off in the corridor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 550

You deserved it 138

Urine trouble

By boopingsnoot - 07/07/2017 02:04

Today, while working at the vet, we had a familiar little dog show up for a minor procedure. The dog always sits on its owner's lap on the drive over, and always gets peed on. Not talking about dog pee. And we're not allowed to bathe it because that service costs extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 748

You deserved it 336

By Fridaythe12th - 15/03/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 813

You deserved it 4 848

By cancerfreak - 21/03/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, my town had a carnival to raise money for cancer. I ran a kissing booth, when a really cute guy came up paid his $20, looked at me, and said "not even for cancer." He took his money and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 478

You deserved it 8 347

Coming or going

By almost governmental - 05/09/2014 22:02 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 447

You deserved it 3 065

By Anonymous - 27/01/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd broken something, and started freaking out. I restarted my computer numerous times and played with the settings for an hour before calling my sister in to help. She looked at it for two seconds, then unplugged my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 087

You deserved it 41 195

By annoyed - 19/12/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a good guy friend of mine, someone I haven't seen for years. He tells me he has "deep" feelings for me, and wants to know since my husband is deployed, if it would be okay if we "dated" because he told his parents I'm his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 976

You deserved it 2 870

By Andy - 16/12/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 276

You deserved it 2 718

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 10:38 - United States

Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 616

You deserved it 41 406

By ThatAintLogical - 18/12/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 104

You deserved it 2 531

By selena5112 - 15/02/2013 18:50 - Norway - Troms?

Today, my mum got the idea of switching to a different dishwashing detergent. The new one is so strong that it coats all the dishes in a nauseating perfume-like smell. It's so pungent that it gets absorbed into everything we eat or drink. She's determined to use up the entire bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 110

You deserved it 2 311

By Heart-Broken - 09/04/2015 01:58 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 804

You deserved it 3 578

This woman's work

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 17:02 - Germany - Aachen

Today, I looked at pictures of myself from 20 years ago when I was a teenager and realized I have only about a quarter of my hair left. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 81

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 334

You deserved it 86 502

By titov - 10/01/2009 14:41 - France

Today, I got my stuff together before leaving to take the bus: cigarettes, newspaper, mobile phone and the trash. I took me at least 5 minutes in the bus to realize that I was travelling with the trash on my knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 990

You deserved it 7 097

By Anonymous - 23/05/2011 18:12 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job at a small start-up company. Why? The CEO wanted to give a job to one of his former fraternity brothers who is out of work, and they couldn't afford to keep us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 215

You deserved it 2 727

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 967

You deserved it 49 700

By Vgameboi - 15/02/2010 03:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 347

You deserved it 4 238

By IBS - 06/05/2014 09:11 - China - Shanghai

Today, after finishing a two hour essay exam that will determine the future of my career, I realized I misread the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 117

You deserved it 13 148

By Anonymous - 27/05/2012 14:19 - Australia - Sydney

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 976

You deserved it 35 765

By Anonymous - 22/06/2013 07:31 - United States - Piedmont

Today, my girlfriend told me that she feels pregnant. I didn't believe her, given how recently we had sex for the first time, so I told her to take a test to make sure. She's very sure now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 780

You deserved it 51 193

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Top comments

torbey 23

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 11:59

At least they weren't naked pictures of your wife!

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:03

I hope you did something about this...

Comments

torbey 23

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 11:59

At least they weren't naked pictures of your wife!

astoryofroses 9

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:36

or were they... the one at home, I mean

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 13:37

Either way, punch him in the face.

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 13:42

YOUR THE NON-BACON BELIEVER FROM THE OTHER POST!

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 13:45

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

torbey 23

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 15:45

Yes I am, and proud of it :) I suggest you read my comment regarding this on that other post, thanks.

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 16:13

I would tell the wife. Something doesn't seem right.

walmartpaysme 15

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 16:15

I'm sure his wife knows, since she had to pay her manager to take his order at work.

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 17:28

1. We can only assume.

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 17:41

I need closure on this anecdote!!! So...many...questions...op!

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 21:53

Beat his face into a red soup.

wallandpiece 16

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 22:02

Maybe OP's wife is involved with the mob..

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Thursday 27 September 2012 6:44

Sounds like it's grounds for an ass whoopin' and a very good explanation to me.

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:03

That's the point, genius.

AllThingsBright_ 11

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Friday 28 September 2012 7:12

So let me get this straight OP... You saw a shady looking person and you actually went over to him when he beckoned for you? Whatever happened to stranger danger?

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Wednesday 7 November 2012 8:57

To scare the shit out of him. He's obviously a freak so he probably has nothing else to do

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:03

I hope you did something about this...

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 13:53

Call the police. Save the pictures as evidence.

onlychildFTW 33

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 19:22

Make sure to leave his finger prints on them, just to make sure everything works out with the police. Creepy guy, you should have taken his picture and see how he likes it. Haha.

LarryLaDouche 13

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Thursday 27 September 2012 0:50

I wouldn't normally resort to physical violence, but for the life of me I can only think of turning this guy into dog food.

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:04

Well.... at least he's an honest stalker.... ?

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 17:28

This FML honestly gave me chills, more than any other "I saw a random man/received a creepy letter" type FML ever has.

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:05

What a creeper.

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 14:46

Time to get new drapes on our windows, honey!

jdimaria3 13

Wednesday 26 September 2012 15:13

Sssssss that'sssssssss a nice wife you have there, it would be a ssssssssshame if sssssomething were to happen to her

blushy 14

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 16:06

dude that is really scary. you should do somwthing about it

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 18:05

45- KILL IT! KILL IT WITH PICKAXES!

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:06

So what did you say to him?

OhDearBetrayal 25

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 13:56

"Jolly gee, stranger! I just love getting my wifes pictures but I've been so busy lately. Looks like you did all the work for me."

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 15:47

Jolly gee?! Wtf. You could have been sarcastic with out that. Thats not normal.. Even in sarcasm

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:26

*in

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Thursday 27 September 2012 4:34

Yeah, im thinking no.

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:07

Ummm that would be when you contact the police. That's not right. That's seriously fucked up

rsunshine2020 13

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Thursday 27 September 2012 1:21

You don't say.

crazycountrychic 1

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Thursday 27 September 2012 1:41

Definatly!! That's a problem there that needs to be reported

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Monday 1 October 2012 0:13

Really call the police... Not post it on fml!:P

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:15

That is beyond creepy. If you know what he looks like notify the police now!

toelie 25

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:20

On the news tonight: "The police are looking for a shady looking person."

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Thursday 11 June 2015 15:49

Well actually, his finger prints would highly likely be on the photo prints. If the cops are bored enough (which I doubt) they would be maybe be able to get an identification from that.

MrBond007_fml 6

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 12:16

If they were nice prints you should keep them, maybe hang them up somewhere. How nice of this man to take photos of your wife free of charge. Wait are you sure your not on like a cruise ship or something?

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Thursday 27 September 2012 5:14

Do you do that? Are you the stalker? Why else would defend him?

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Thursday 27 September 2012 13:29

It's a joke, genius

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 15

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 144