Miscellaneous: Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the... - FML

By jm_track - United States

Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML

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Age difference

Triage

Commando

By oops - United States

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 05:01

Spoiled for choice

Today, my bedroom in my gran's house gets the most sun in the evenings. There is no AC, not even a fan, and the only place cool enough to sleep is the basement. Which probably hasn’t been cleaned since the '80s, and I have to share it with the biggest spider ever and a beehive in the roller shutter casing. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 22:02 - Argentina - Mar De Ajo

Deal with it

Today, apparently having mood swings at 37 weeks pregnant is being "braggy" according to my husband, and totally not acceptable. FML

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By TotaledBeamer

Today, I found out how much damage my neighbor's 5-year-old kid can do to my brand-new BMW with a baseball bat. FML

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By sleepy2010 - United States

Today, I started my spring break. My college is letting the students stay in the dorms for break, so I figured that staying here would mean getting more sleep than going home. Not so much. The fire alarm has been going off every 20 mins since 7:30am because they're "fixing" it. FML

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By yes, yes it does :( - United States

Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML

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By S. - Estonia

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

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By Imaginary girlfriend - France

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

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By Tempted to hide a fish under the floor - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I marked 3 weeks since meeting my crazy new landlady. Apparently I can't use the dishwasher because "there's no soap", can't bring the trash cans into the garage to keep the bears from getting it, and have to sweep before the cleaning service comes because "it's not their job". FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2021 01:00 - United States - Cabot

Toxic workplace

Today, I quit my job because I wasn't given the time or space to pump for my newborn child. I went back to work 4 weeks postpartum, and they suggested I pump in the bathroom, my car or the freezer. FML

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By embarrassed - United States

Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Everything was going great until I noticed a small blinking light on my shelf. It turns out that it was a camera. My mom put it there to make sure I cleaned my room. She saw the whole thing. FML

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By BoringFucker - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

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By Mouse

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 08:04

Make your minds up

Today, I was told I was negative for Covid, so I went to buy wine to celebrate. Two hours later, I got a call again, saying I was positive and placed under quarantine. FML

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By pierced. - United States - Reno

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that, due to my low self-confidence, all my bras are push-ups. He yelled, "EVERYTHING I KNEW IS A LIE" and stormed out. FML

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By TuralSucks - United States

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my walk of shame may have been caught by the Google car. FML

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By CWoah - Canada

Today, it was my court date for a car accident I was involved in back in July. I had spent months preparing a case to prove my innocence. I was scheduled to appear at 10:00 this morning. I woke up at 10:15AM. FML

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By AnDroidZ_BabY - United States

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

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By hushed - Canada - Leduc

Everyone's A Critic

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

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By Dopeydancer - United Kingdom

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

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By smallfrie32

Today, I realized that 95% of my facebook friends added me only because they think my sisters are hot. FML

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By unfucked - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

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By maggierose171 - United States - Rosendale

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

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By sissica - United States

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

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By anouk05 - Switzerland

Too much Pornhub

Today, my boyfriend told me, "Don't worry, someday you'll be mature as well." By this, he meant that I will be willing to have sex with him in public. FML

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By mr.palendrome - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

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By unamyous - United States - Canoga Park

Phone-blocked

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

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By tariel

Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I wanted to talk about marriage and our future with my boyfriend of over 10 years. My 30-year-old boyfriend responded by hiding under a blanket and pretending he couldn't hear me. FML

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By Tooks - United Kingdom

Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut looked and how I should keep styling it this way as it's such an improvement over my old style. I was late for work this morning. My new hair style was Bed hair that I didn't have time to sort out... FML

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By wolf boy - United States

Today, I went to the park with a girl I like. She got playful and climbed a tree, insisting I come up, too. While we were sitting and enjoying the view, she suddenly knocked me off the branch, sending me crashing to the ground. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

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By Cece

Today, while bowling on a first date, the guy I ended things with 3 days before was bowling too. In the lane next to ours. FML

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By

Today, while working at a grocery store, I spent about 30 minutes pushing carts inside in a blizzard. Not even 10 minutes after I had finished, I looked out the window and saw that not only had the snow completely stopped, but the sun was shining. FML

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Top comments

By RecklessJellyBea | 7

#2126648 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:06

o.O Truth be told, I would've done the same.

By drzhottie148 | 0

#2126675 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

That's what you get for being a fat stinking drunk.

COMMENTS

By RecklessJellyBea | 7

#2126648 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:06

o.O Truth be told, I would've done the same.

Reply

brettrb | 18

#2127210 - Sunday 27 February 2011 6:04

gotta love your friends. always gotchur back. unless ur drunk haha

Reply

ShatteredDreams8 | 0

#2128070 - Sunday 27 February 2011 11:09

i prefer the dropkick murphys version ;)

Reply

Krajjan | 9

#2128914 - Sunday 27 February 2011 13:16

YDI for having a hangover. Learn to drink. Also, 88 is the epitome of badass for thinking DKM.

Reply

MiGman | 5

#2131574 - Monday 28 February 2011 5:12

#94 that's 100% true on both points there

Reply

twiride | 12

#2209522 - Sunday 20 March 2011 5:07

y do would you have it anyway?

By joooeee | 3

#2126660 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:07

2nd

Reply

joooeee | 3

#2126669 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:09

I just want to see how fast they can mod this

Reply

Sirin_fml | 46

#2126679 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:11

That was a bit pointless.

By forthepainx3 | 0

#2126665 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:08

moo :D

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2126728 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:25

oink :D

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2126731 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:25

oink :D

Reply

forthepainx3 | 0

#2126839 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:12

quack :D

Reply

iliketurdles | 7

#2126844 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:18

*a familiar sound a turtle makes* :D

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127067 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:07

*baby noises*

Reply

you_failed | 15

#2127125 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:26

"wee-snaw!" x)

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127148 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:37

^I love Spongebob!

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127150 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:37

^I love Spongebob!

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127152 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:37

^I love Spongebob!

Reply

Taz_the_Spaz | 0

#2127461 - Sunday 27 February 2011 7:37

*sound of sirin coming to chatise us*

Reply

C6Racer | 0

#2127556 - Sunday 27 February 2011 8:22

*hazooo!*

Reply

Xylus | 0

#2127719 - Sunday 27 February 2011 9:20

*whistles while waiting for someone to yell "combo breaker"*

Reply

kamadx | 0

#2127830 - Sunday 27 February 2011 9:40

^C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

Reply

supertacowaffle | 41

#2128293 - Sunday 27 February 2011 12:25

HERE'S A LLAMA THERE'S A LLAMA AND ANOTHER LITTLE LLAMA !

Reply

milky953 | 0

#2128965 - Sunday 27 February 2011 13:30

cushonk.. noise a shark makes when it breaks down a door..

Reply

IcyJack | 7

#2129798 - Sunday 27 February 2011 18:34

Ngek! - The sound of family jewels being crushed.

Reply

habeybaby25 | 11

#2130316 - Sunday 27 February 2011 21:09

GRENADE WHISTLE!!!!

Reply

JenL_fml | 7

#2130423 - Sunday 27 February 2011 22:05

*poot* :D

By beefbus7 | 0

#2126671 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

not even a FML

By piiing | 0

#2126673 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

take pics, bloody pics are hot.

Reply

AsiaTheMega123 | 1

#2126899 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:41

Wrong FML...

Reply

calcetines | 0

#2131767 - Monday 28 February 2011 6:20

Faiillll!!! lol

By drzhottie148 | 0

#2126675 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

That's what you get for being a fat stinking drunk.

Reply

mozeszback | 0

#3751032 - Sunday 18 December 2011 22:05

Everybody drinks to much sometimes, hungover doesn't mean you're a drunk

By zargon | 1

#2126681 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:11

Bagpipes are awesome! Perhaps you should actually try being responsible about your alcohol consumption?

Reply

awkward_turtles | 1

#2127065 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:07

ikr!!! I didn't even kno there was a bagpipe version. totally gonna buy it now!

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#2127143 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:35

You didn't what??! Don't you remember the scene in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan when they send Spock's body in the torpedo to planet Genesis? Scotty is playing that version!!

Duh. Everyone knows THAT.

Reply

lemoncows | 2

#2127301 - Sunday 27 February 2011 6:33

how sweet the sound ;)

By bitterfaceplant | 0

#2126683 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:11

did you kick him in the nuts?

By TBird18 | 0

#2126695 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:13

If you learn to handle your alcohol you won't end up with hangovers, problem solved

Reply

sweeetcheeeks33 | 0

#2126905 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:47

agreed .

By truehitman2010 | 0

#2126699 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:14

ydi you should have keept drinking