Miscellaneous: Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the... - FML

By jm_track - United States

Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML

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Understandable

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I wanted to talk about marriage and our future with my boyfriend of over 10 years. My 30-year-old boyfriend responded by hiding under a blanket and pretending he couldn't hear me. FML

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By faulty number - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I have been waiting for a call from a job I applied for. I soon got a text from my current boss, who doesn't know I'm job hunting, letting me know that the recruiter was trying to reach me. Turns out my number on my resumé was wrong. FML

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By Rita - France

Today, on the bus, a young high school boy sat down next to me and started to chat me up. I thought it was cute until he asked me which high school I was attending. I'm 27, I'm married, I have a child. FML

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By egsrox95

Today, my best friend had the balls to call me an alcoholic. She snuck vodka on a cruise ship in a Listerine bottle. I've never had a drink. FML

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By Anonymous - Saudi Arabia

Being nice is so 1968

Today, I decided to do something nice and compliment a stranger. I told a girl that I liked her skirt and that it looked good on her. She just rolled her eyes at me and said, "I'm not gay". FML

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By Whytetrash - Australia - Sydney

Today, a customer broke my nose for refusing to give him a discount because the product he was buying had a fine layer of dust on the box. FML

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By Anonymous

Bumbling

Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Avon

Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

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By jesuschrist - 22/3/2020 00:30

They'll go at night

Today, my daughter asked me why NASA hasn't gone to the sun yet. She's seventeen. FML

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By Anonymous - Iraq

Today, I was at work, finishing a presentation for my boss. Five minutes after I presented it to him, his boss walked in and asked for the same presentation I had just given. My boss presented it. His boss then turned to me and asked me "what use are you around here?" FML

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By orangechicken - United States - New Hudson

Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

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By MCKilllerrr - United States

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2020 17:01

Take the compliment

Today, I was working in the yard and took off my shirt. My neighbor yelled, "Nice tits!" I'm a dude. FML

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By ImAnEngineer - United States - Canandaigua

Today, my boss quit, leaving me as the only structural engineer at my company. I'm fresh out of college and will have to finish the projects on my own. Hope Google can teach me how to do this. FML

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By missmycomp - Singapore

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

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By KathleenSchuler - United States

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

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By I'm disgusting

Today, my girlfriend caught me using my T-shirt as a tissue. Again. FML

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By E or - United States

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

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By FortuneFaded - South Africa

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

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By superjesse006 - United States

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Modesto

Grief is weird

Today, my boyfriend's freshly-repainted car got keyed. He's literally more of an inconsolable wreck now than he was when his own mother passed away last year. When I tried hinting that he was overreacting, he told me to go to hell. FML

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By sickofsick - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

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By DJ Clitter - United States

Today, I was in the car with my daughter, when I narrowly missed hitting a car after running a stop sign. After she screamed at me and demanded to know what I was doing, I had to admit that I'd been daydreaming about David Bowie. FML

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By nuns aren’t sexy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with some kinky role play. I chose a sexy naughty nun's outfit, complete with head cover, thigh-high stockings and crotchless panties. I guess my outfit was a little too convincing, because he couldn’t get it up. Thanks Catholic guilt. FML

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By sore - Australia

Today, I sliced my arm open on the weekend, patched it with a fabric bandaid. Had an allergic reaction to the bandaid, arm now swollen, blistering and keeping-me-awake itchy. Pharmacist's advice? "Oooh, that looks bad. Better put a bandaid on that." FML

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By "LovelySB"

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I temporarily got off the bus for the other students to get off, because they push and shove along their way. Then the bus driver closed the door on me and drove off. My laptop was on that bus. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I needed to buy Vagisil. I went to the grocery store so I could use the self check-out. My item rung up incorrectly, so a girl came to help. She was new and having trouble, so she called more people to help. I ended up having five people around me talking about my Vagisil purchase. FML

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By snow

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

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By I should have kept my mouth shut - United States - Davis

Today, I was talking to my grandma and I mentioned the fact that tomatoes are technically fruit. It's been an hour and she's still yelling, accusing me of lying to her. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML

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By sexyfreak2510 - South Africa

Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a pregnant woman fall off her moped. As I helped her back up, I asked if her baby was okay. I was then blindsided by her brick of a purse while she screeched, "I'm not pregnant!" FML

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By loser - France

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

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By Sammy - United States

Today, I re-broke my leg. The same way I broke it the first time, playing frisbee. FML

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By so_screwed - United States - Salinas

Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML

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Top comments

By RecklessJellyBea | 7

#2126648 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:06

o.O Truth be told, I would've done the same.

By drzhottie148 | 0

#2126675 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

That's what you get for being a fat stinking drunk.

COMMENTS

By RecklessJellyBea | 7

#2126648 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:06

o.O Truth be told, I would've done the same.

Reply

brettrb | 18

#2127210 - Sunday 27 February 2011 6:04

gotta love your friends. always gotchur back. unless ur drunk haha

Reply

ShatteredDreams8 | 0

#2128070 - Sunday 27 February 2011 11:09

i prefer the dropkick murphys version ;)

Reply

Krajjan | 9

#2128914 - Sunday 27 February 2011 13:16

YDI for having a hangover. Learn to drink. Also, 88 is the epitome of badass for thinking DKM.

Reply

MiGman | 5

#2131574 - Monday 28 February 2011 5:12

#94 that's 100% true on both points there

Reply

twiride | 12

#2209522 - Sunday 20 March 2011 5:07

y do would you have it anyway?

By joooeee | 3

#2126660 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:07

2nd

Reply

joooeee | 3

#2126669 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:09

I just want to see how fast they can mod this

Reply

Sirin_fml | 46

#2126679 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:11

That was a bit pointless.

By forthepainx3 | 0

#2126665 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:08

moo :D

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2126728 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:25

oink :D

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2126731 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:25

oink :D

Reply

forthepainx3 | 0

#2126839 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:12

quack :D

Reply

iliketurdles | 7

#2126844 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:18

*a familiar sound a turtle makes* :D

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127067 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:07

*baby noises*

Reply

you_failed | 15

#2127125 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:26

"wee-snaw!" x)

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127148 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:37

^I love Spongebob!

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127150 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:37

^I love Spongebob!

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127152 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:37

^I love Spongebob!

Reply

Taz_the_Spaz | 0

#2127461 - Sunday 27 February 2011 7:37

*sound of sirin coming to chatise us*

Reply

C6Racer | 0

#2127556 - Sunday 27 February 2011 8:22

*hazooo!*

Reply

Xylus | 0

#2127719 - Sunday 27 February 2011 9:20

*whistles while waiting for someone to yell "combo breaker"*

Reply

kamadx | 0

#2127830 - Sunday 27 February 2011 9:40

^C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

Reply

supertacowaffle | 41

#2128293 - Sunday 27 February 2011 12:25

HERE'S A LLAMA THERE'S A LLAMA AND ANOTHER LITTLE LLAMA !

Reply

milky953 | 0

#2128965 - Sunday 27 February 2011 13:30

cushonk.. noise a shark makes when it breaks down a door..

Reply

IcyJack | 7

#2129798 - Sunday 27 February 2011 18:34

Ngek! - The sound of family jewels being crushed.

Reply

habeybaby25 | 11

#2130316 - Sunday 27 February 2011 21:09

GRENADE WHISTLE!!!!

Reply

JenL_fml | 7

#2130423 - Sunday 27 February 2011 22:05

*poot* :D

By beefbus7 | 0

#2126671 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

not even a FML

By piiing | 0

#2126673 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

take pics, bloody pics are hot.

Reply

AsiaTheMega123 | 1

#2126899 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:41

Wrong FML...

Reply

calcetines | 0

#2131767 - Monday 28 February 2011 6:20

Faiillll!!! lol

By drzhottie148 | 0

#2126675 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

That's what you get for being a fat stinking drunk.

Reply

mozeszback | 0

#3751032 - Sunday 18 December 2011 22:05

Everybody drinks to much sometimes, hungover doesn't mean you're a drunk

By zargon | 1

#2126681 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:11

Bagpipes are awesome! Perhaps you should actually try being responsible about your alcohol consumption?

Reply

awkward_turtles | 1

#2127065 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:07

ikr!!! I didn't even kno there was a bagpipe version. totally gonna buy it now!

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#2127143 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:35

You didn't what??! Don't you remember the scene in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan when they send Spock's body in the torpedo to planet Genesis? Scotty is playing that version!!

Duh. Everyone knows THAT.

Reply

lemoncows | 2

#2127301 - Sunday 27 February 2011 6:33

how sweet the sound ;)

By bitterfaceplant | 0

#2126683 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:11

did you kick him in the nuts?

By TBird18 | 0

#2126695 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:13

If you learn to handle your alcohol you won't end up with hangovers, problem solved

Reply

sweeetcheeeks33 | 0

#2126905 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:47

agreed .

By truehitman2010 | 0

#2126699 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:14

ydi you should have keept drinking