Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the... - FML

By jm_track - 26/2/2011 22:59 - United States

Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML

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Family values

Compassion

Whatthefuckaburger

By Anonymous - 21/5/2011 14:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I went out with my best friend and her hot brother. Upon our exit out of the restaurant I walked right into the glass door and rebounded back off it. The whole restaurant was silent as I shamefully walked out only to trip on the curb outside. FML

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By xtammyle - 19/2/2013 07:01 - Australia - Lower Plenty

Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

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By fmyactuallife - 3/5/2020 08:00

Sludge factory

Today, I'm on my second day of a week of antibiotics to treat a bad urine infection. Incidentally, the pills seem to be giving me extremely loud, frequent, gut-wrenchingly painful and smelly diarrhea. Only 5 more days to go. FML

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By Never Been Arrested - 1/3/2016 21:44 - United States - State College

Today, I was once again mistaken for an escaped convict. I live near a women's correctional facility and apparently my nursing scrubs look a lot like their prisoners' uniforms. The cop made me late for work. FML

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By ow - 13/6/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

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By ThisChick - 6/7/2016 17:59 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I cringed at a memory of 5-year-old me going to restaurants I was brought to and stealing tip money because I thought it was free. I got to watch a kid do the same thing to me. Oh, sweet karma. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

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By Lespoon - 25/2/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

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By jayne_dhoe - 22/11/2009 07:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML

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By monogamous - 28/10/2010 09:26 - Australia

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

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By probably not getting the job - 9/3/2015 05:44 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, I applied for a job at a local store. As I walked out the door, I heard the manager read it out loud and everybody else laugh. FML

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By poongoon - 13/7/2016 04:11

Today, while at the supermarket, I came back to one of my car windows smashed in. Apparently, the stuffed animal my son left in the back seat looks like a dehydrated dog. FML

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By LonelyStranger - 2/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Lake Stevens

Alone

Today, I was really excited to go to a party because I need to make more friends. Too bad a snowstorm hit right before I was going to leave, now I'm alone with no power. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2016 12:24 - United States - Huron

Today, I found out I and a coworker may get laid off soon, all because my boss's niece told him she can do both our jobs all by herself, and for less money. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 16:00

Dr House

Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2014 22:26 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my team suffered a humiliating loss against our biggest rivals. My family was pretty supportive, though, but only because they'd taken bets against me from the start. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

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By goodsister - 14/10/2009 08:09 - Canada

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

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By Stumble - 17/1/2010 04:43 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

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By Sheezey - 24/2/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

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By allwaysbuggedinheaven - 7/7/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML

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By raebelle - 2/6/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

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By mylifesucks - 30/8/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

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By grossew - 26/6/2019 07:00

Today, my farm dog and I are spending the weekend in an urban area. She won't poop on concrete, so I directed her to a nice two-foot tall grassy median. As she vaulted up onto the median, two turds shot out of her ass and plopped right on my foot. FML

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By Samantha Glennie - 13/7/2018 20:30

Today, due to the high pollen count and despite taking hay fever medicine, I passed out in the bathroom from not being able to breathe. My mother accused me of doing it on purpose to make her late for work. FML

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By RollieCollieUSA - 30/1/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2011 11:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML

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By CaseyFpC85 - 11/9/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

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By pwndbykidz - 9/8/2009 23:54 - Canada

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

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By ohwell - 9/6/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

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By j_Lauren - 28/1/2013 04:48 - United States

Today, my mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the world where we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML

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By CollegeKID - 23/5/2012 03:27 - United States

Today, I went to orientation for college. They gave us a name tag and I tried to figure out how to put it on for a few minutes. After struggling with it I realized it was a sticker. FML

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By secretsmakefriends - 15/10/2013 21:43 - United States - Vashon

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

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By Becca Velveeta - 26/10/2019 14:00

Easy mistake to make

Today, my mother's boyfriend sent me pictures of my mom sucking him off. FML

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By RosesAreRed - 15/2/2013 06:07 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML

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By Perry85 - 10/12/2019 05:00

Not my turn

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she says "Don't cum in me, my husband has plans for later." FML

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By glowstick - 30/6/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

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By ouch - 29/1/2010 20:19 - United States

Today, against the will of the kids in my class, we played kick ball. The first time I rolled the ball, the tallest, biggest kid kicked it as hard as he could. I caught it though, with my nuts. FML

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Top comments

By RecklessJellyBea | 7

#2126648 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:06

o.O Truth be told, I would've done the same.

By drzhottie148 | 0

#2126675 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

That's what you get for being a fat stinking drunk.

COMMENTS

By RecklessJellyBea | 7

#2126648 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:06

o.O Truth be told, I would've done the same.

Reply

brettrb | 18

#2127210 - Sunday 27 February 2011 6:04

gotta love your friends. always gotchur back. unless ur drunk haha

Reply

ShatteredDreams8 | 0

#2128070 - Sunday 27 February 2011 11:09

i prefer the dropkick murphys version ;)

Reply

Krajjan | 9

#2128914 - Sunday 27 February 2011 13:16

YDI for having a hangover. Learn to drink. Also, 88 is the epitome of badass for thinking DKM.

Reply

MiGman | 5

#2131574 - Monday 28 February 2011 5:12

#94 that's 100% true on both points there

Reply

twiride | 12

#2209522 - Sunday 20 March 2011 5:07

y do would you have it anyway?

By joooeee | 3

#2126660 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:07

2nd

Reply

joooeee | 3

#2126669 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:09

I just want to see how fast they can mod this

Reply

Sirin_fml | 46

#2126679 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:11

That was a bit pointless.

By forthepainx3 | 0

#2126665 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:08

moo :D

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2126728 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:25

oink :D

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2126731 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:25

oink :D

Reply

forthepainx3 | 0

#2126839 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:12

quack :D

Reply

iliketurdles | 7

#2126844 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:18

*a familiar sound a turtle makes* :D

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127067 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:07

*baby noises*

Reply

you_failed | 15

#2127125 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:26

"wee-snaw!" x)

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127148 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:37

^I love Spongebob!

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127150 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:37

^I love Spongebob!

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#2127152 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:37

^I love Spongebob!

Reply

Taz_the_Spaz | 0

#2127461 - Sunday 27 February 2011 7:37

*sound of sirin coming to chatise us*

Reply

C6Racer | 0

#2127556 - Sunday 27 February 2011 8:22

*hazooo!*

Reply

Xylus | 0

#2127719 - Sunday 27 February 2011 9:20

*whistles while waiting for someone to yell "combo breaker"*

Reply

kamadx | 0

#2127830 - Sunday 27 February 2011 9:40

^C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

Reply

supertacowaffle | 41

#2128293 - Sunday 27 February 2011 12:25

HERE'S A LLAMA THERE'S A LLAMA AND ANOTHER LITTLE LLAMA !

Reply

milky953 | 0

#2128965 - Sunday 27 February 2011 13:30

cushonk.. noise a shark makes when it breaks down a door..

Reply

IcyJack | 7

#2129798 - Sunday 27 February 2011 18:34

Ngek! - The sound of family jewels being crushed.

Reply

habeybaby25 | 11

#2130316 - Sunday 27 February 2011 21:09

GRENADE WHISTLE!!!!

Reply

JenL_fml | 7

#2130423 - Sunday 27 February 2011 22:05

*poot* :D

By beefbus7 | 0

#2126671 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

not even a FML

By piiing | 0

#2126673 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

take pics, bloody pics are hot.

Reply

AsiaTheMega123 | 1

#2126899 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:41

Wrong FML...

Reply

calcetines | 0

#2131767 - Monday 28 February 2011 6:20

Faiillll!!! lol

By drzhottie148 | 0

#2126675 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:10

That's what you get for being a fat stinking drunk.

Reply

mozeszback | 0

#3751032 - Sunday 18 December 2011 22:05

Everybody drinks to much sometimes, hungover doesn't mean you're a drunk

By zargon | 1

#2126681 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:11

Bagpipes are awesome! Perhaps you should actually try being responsible about your alcohol consumption?

Reply

awkward_turtles | 1

#2127065 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:07

ikr!!! I didn't even kno there was a bagpipe version. totally gonna buy it now!

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#2127143 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:35

You didn't what??! Don't you remember the scene in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan when they send Spock's body in the torpedo to planet Genesis? Scotty is playing that version!!

Duh. Everyone knows THAT.

Reply

lemoncows | 2

#2127301 - Sunday 27 February 2011 6:33

how sweet the sound ;)

By bitterfaceplant | 0

#2126683 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:11

did you kick him in the nuts?

By TBird18 | 0

#2126695 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:13

If you learn to handle your alcohol you won't end up with hangovers, problem solved

Reply

sweeetcheeeks33 | 0

#2126905 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:47

agreed .

By truehitman2010 | 0

#2126699 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:14

ydi you should have keept drinking