Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML
Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML
Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML
Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML
Today, I was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me. Thinking it would be the nice thing to do, I held the door open. I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow. FML
Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend after we went out for dinner. To my surprise, our families were also in the restaurant, to witness him propose to me. FML
Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML
Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML
Today, I got grounded because I have a picture on facebook in which I'm touching the crotch of a cardboard cut-out of Obama. My parents insist the FBI will see that and I'll end up in jail. My parents are crazy. FML
Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML
Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year-old son came in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML
Today, I threw my brand new iPhone 4 in the air whilst laying on my bed. It came down, went through my fingers, landed on my balls, then broke on the concrete floor. FML
Today, I cheated on my math exam. I still failed. FML
Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather is stalking her. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML
Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML
Today, I realized I have no life after I created a fake Facebook account, posted an insulting message on my wall, and then engaged in a vicious argument with it, just so I could impress my friends. FML
Today, I learned why my boyfriend of 10 months and I never hang out at his place. He still lives at home with his mother. He's 38. FML
Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML
Today, after being recently laid off at work due to "cutbacks", I went job searching around town. During my drive, I cruised past my old workplace and saw a "now hiring" sign in their window. FML
Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML
Today, my boyfriend showed me his penis for the first time. All I could think to say was, "That's a clean circumcision." FML
Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I'm 32. FML
Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML
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