Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML
Today, I tried to drown out the petulant whining of my idiot coworker as he droned on and on about how, “bitches don’t appreciate good men.” He’s 35, lives at home, still uses the term 'friendzone' and has the hygiene of a sewer-dwelling ogre. I was written up for for snapping and yelling at him. FML
Today, a patient, who is normally pretty chill, was being quite difficult for my workmates. They were whinging about him and I defended him, he's normally a sweet guy so something must be upsetting him. I went to chat with him, he punched me and called a useless a**hole. FML
Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I'm thinking of quitting the awesome job I love with coworkers I adore, because I keep fucking up every part of my job, making them pick up the pieces and correct my failures. They don't deserve this. FML
Today, like every day, my coworker showed up thirty minutes late, sat down for thirty more checking email while I got the morning work done alone, listening to her bitch about how much she hates her job and wants to go home. My coworkers criticized me for being moody, and praised her for being the best. FML
Today, while finishing up at work, I started helping a co-worker out with his workload since I'd finished mine. His girlfriend apparently didn't like this and started slamming things around, constantly muttering passive aggressive comments because she wanted to help him. I work with idiots. FML
Today, I found myself cussing out the next dipshit fucked in the head enough to open its bitch mouth and mumble to itself about how I was the newest main stressor of it’s bitch-fit of a day. Taking into account the pathetic aspect of “rubbing it in” I then proceeded to cuss out the next person who got in my way. FML
Today, my coworker told me when we got to work that she purposely left her phone at home. I then had to suffer 8 hours of listening to her constantly whine like a toddler about how much she missed her phone. FML
Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friendzone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
It's scary that there are workforce-aged people thinking like your coworkers 0.o
quesok 22
One Direction=Wrong Direction We all feel your pain
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Comments (270)
Roseberry3 12
You think that's bad? When the British band Take That had a member leave... And shortly after disbanded..... National Health had to set up suicide hot lines. It was such a travesty to the nation that shops closed, people faltered! Dreams shattered. Testimony to insanity!
KingSplatter 9
You almost got a YDI because I have no idea what a Zayne Malik or a One Direction is, but then you embraced your violent side. Good for you...and you thought you were pacifistic.
nialls_girl 13
Hmm his name is spelled Zayn. Glad this made FML. It's not immuned from anywhere.
russfml 31
The whole band should go one direction off the stage and walk the walk of shame, effin boy bands. FYL
greenbucket 6
Zayn**
greenbucket 6
He probably makes more money in one minute than you do in one month
Snaxia 12
It's disgusting that you people would think about resorting to violence just because some people like a band. There are worse things in this world than someone liking a band.
LouisGarou 6
Such as not having any reading comprehension whatsoever.
ztodaro 25
I read the first 6 words and lost it "Today, three of my dipshit coworkers" xD
Snaxia 12
Seriously some of the comments I see people making here, it sounds like they came out of a young adult novel. You guys are seriously those cliche villains who are angry at everyone for no reason. Talking about beating people up. God what are you Draco Malfoy? Get a life and let people like what they want.
tor415 4
Good for you! Releasing your inner nerd! :)
Delsanity 13
Tell them that all one direction will break up then