Miscellaneous: Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent...

By Bec - 25/07/2011 14:10 - Australia

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 422

You deserved it 3 597

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 03:23 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 774

You deserved it 17 562

By Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 899

You deserved it 30 721

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 06:00

Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 207

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 17:32 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 634

You deserved it 3 601

By wreckdit - 12/10/2016 23:55 - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate is a drug dealer and has been keeping her product in our flat. I discovered this when several police officers broke down my bathroom door and arrested me while I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 793

You deserved it 721

Possession

By Katelyn_Louise - 01/05/2021 10:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 840

Golden child

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 07:30 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I found out my junkie brother broke into my home, and stole mine AND my children's belongings whilst we were on holiday. I rang my mother to vent, only for her to blatantly defend him and insist I got it wrong. We caught him on camera, and now I'm being scolded for even thinking he would do such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 85

By Anonymous - 16/09/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 899

You deserved it 2 540

By ari - 17/06/2011 11:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 634

You deserved it 3 020

Panic! In the Bathroom

By MAWZ - 19/07/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell, and hit my head on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 742

You deserved it 5 151

JakeLee 6

Monday 25 July 2011 19:01

weed makes ya paranoid man...

maddybopeep 2

Monday 25 July 2011 19:01

can't pick your family, fyl

Comments

sensoon15 7

Monday 25 July 2011 19:04

oh sorry policemen, my brother just gets scared whenever he sees the police, he hasn't got over his fear from when he was a little kid.

koe4 0

Monday 25 July 2011 19:59

they had to search his anal cavity because they smelled cannabis

melchibr_fml 0

Monday 25 July 2011 19:04

I like waffles

Fx13mz 7

Monday 25 July 2011 19:04

That must be some good hash bro lol.

smgboo 0

Monday 25 July 2011 19:04

did he make it out?

x_KL_x 7

Tuesday 26 July 2011 0:25

If it's the same guy I just saw on the news yep. But it said he broke a rib and punctured a lung.

Madiluvsyuh98 2

Monday 25 July 2011 19:05

...cool story bro

Kirlyfoo 9

Monday 25 July 2011 19:05

matzah

salvorican 24

Monday 25 July 2011 19:06

Are you sure he didn't smoke one today?

noel_ani 0

Monday 25 July 2011 19:07

that's a funny twit you got there...

cumverg 0

Monday 25 July 2011 19:08

Just stick with the "I have glaucoma" defense. Works every time.

xleanne_aLly 23

Monday 25 July 2011 19:11

wow, is he ok?

icefshng8 9

Monday 25 July 2011 19:18

holy shit. the picture moves?!

DontModMeDammit 10

Monday 25 July 2011 19:46

more like flashes.. lo but still WTF.

j_cat187 19

Monday 25 July 2011 19:55

weed makes everything crazy...

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The Top

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said, "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 225

You deserved it 27 875

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 593

You deserved it 3 759

The Top

Today, my son accused me of being a "Karen" about house rules, and insists he’ll follow normal rules but ignore my supposedly "insane" rules. I consider all my rules normal, so he pointed out he’s 6ft6 and 100 lbs heavier so he will ignore rules he doesn’t agree with, and good luck stopping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 996

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said, "Hey, I love your jacket, where'd you get that?" I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 531

You deserved it 61 596

Today, after a very harsh argument from my mother about her not seeing her grandchild enough, I decided to vent out my rage in a text to my friend. It wasn't until after I sent the message, that yes, I sent that message to my mom FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 196

You deserved it 7 513

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 202

You deserved it 5 707

Today, I told my boss I'm going to quit, after months of being abused, doing meaningless work, and working late every day. I was soon given so many new projects that I didn't even have time to write my resignation letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 844

You deserved it 5 908

Today, a customer's credit card was declined. His totally reasonable reaction was to threaten to put a bullet in the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 861

You deserved it 1 301

Same thing different taste

Paranoid

It wasn't me

Possession

Golden child

Panic! In the Bathroom

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