By Anonymous - United States - State College

Gotcha!

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

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Understandable

Triage

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 1/3/2021 22:30 - South Africa

Secrecy

Today, I found out my husband of one year has been renting his old batchelor's apartment in secret, because he is unsure if he wants to stay married to me, and we are broke. FML

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By TexasGirl24 - United States - Houston

Today, I was making a shake at work when the cup fell off the blender. I went to catch it, and instead caught the teeth of the still-spinning mixer. When my hand was still bleeding five minutes later, my supervisor told me to clock out until it stopped. I lost money for getting hurt on the job. FML

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By Recluse

Today, the girl I'd been dating online for 6 months told me she was a guy. I said it was alright, and that I was still in love. Then she confessed she really was a girl, and was just trying to make me dump her so she wouldn't be the "bad guy". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found myself crying my eyes out over my two favourite fictional characters' deaths. It happened over 6 years ago and has affected me more than real peoples' deaths. FML

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By boopingsnoot

Ready for the grill!

Today, at work, the chest freezer was accidentally turned off. I work at a vet and the freezer is our morgue. It got opened before anyone realized the contents had thawed. FML

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By loud sweeper

Mrs Heckles?

Today, my batshit crazy downstairs neighbor threatened me with "legal action" for making too much noise. According to her, it’s "illegal" for people in upstairs apartments to use vacuum cleaners, therefore I must sweep my carpets to avoid disturbing her and her imaginary guests. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I had to tell my super-conservative parents that I had just gone to visit the boyfriend I'm not supposed to have so that I could tell him I am pregnant. FML

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By ugly - United States

Today, I attended my 10-year high school reunion. My ex-husband's new wife showed up in the same dress as mine. I guess both the dress and my ex-husband look better on her. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2020 23:01 - United States

Say my name, say my name

Today, after being unemployed for over four months, I got a call from a company I've wanted to work for for over 2 years. After they were about to set up an interview, they called me by a different name. After correcting them, they hung up on me. Turns out they had the wrong number. FML

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By Anonymous

Double-crossed

Today, I found out my husband wasn’t really “working from home” in the evenings. He locks himself in his office until the late hours of the night, having intimate Skype sessions with his coworker. That explains why our joint bank account hasn’t seen a direct deposit this past month. FML

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By FailBear - United States

Today, I found a guy getting out of my car with my GPS. He started running and I chased him. We eventually reached a dead end and he gave it back to me. I took it back from him and said, "Sorry..." FML

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By over prtective father - United States - Washington

Today, it became apparent that my father knows more about my boyfriend than I do because he spends so much time interrogating him. FML

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By strandedguest - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

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By not getting any anymore - United States

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

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By anonymous - Luxembourg

Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML

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By iamnotalawyer - United States - Glendale

Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML

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By tooth fairy - United States - Tucson

Today, my dentist called and told me that the surgery to remove my wisdom teeth - which I desperately need and saved for a year to be able to afford - will actually cost nearly $2000 more than originally stated. The surgery is supposed to be in three days. FML

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By eggs - Canada

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

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By Why me. - United States - Kent

Today, I emailed my boss to let her know I was uncomfortable working over what my university’s 28-hour policy allows. She demanded I work 40 hours this week. In any other job, I'd be fine, but if I work over 28 hours, the university will fire me. If I refuse to work 28 hours, my boss will fire me. FML

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By Andrew Dutch Beebe

Today, I was told not to show up for work, after I showed up for work. FML

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By FedExMan - United States

Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML

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By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, my non-English-speaking grandma bought me a new t-shirt. It would've been sweet if it didn't have the word "bondage" written on the back in pretty, bold letters. I had no choice but to wear it while we went shopping. FML

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By Anonymous

Alarmed

Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML

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By candie - United States

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML

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By simon - Canada

Today, I moved into university residence, looking forward to finally being able to come out of the closet. I started chatting with the hot guy moving in next door to me. He said I was cool, and he was glad because he was afraid he'd be living next to a gay guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Crestview

Today, we were running a special at work that I had previously been told was an online-only special. After the general manager corrected me, I used the joke excuse of, "It's my first day". The customer replied, "I can tell". I've worked there two years and I'm the assistant manager. FML

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By zobara - Switzerland

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

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By IDPlease

Today my job started requiring all transactions regarding cigarettes or alcohol to have the ID scanned before proceeding. There is no way yo bypass this function. I carded a 60 year old man and his 40 year old son who both yelled at me for 10 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Dimas

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

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By notyourmom - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

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By Queen LaQueefah - United Kingdom - Chesterfield

I'll take what I can get

Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML

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By mustanggt - United States - Utica

Today, I finished a repair on my trailer. About twenty miles down the road, one of the joints gave out and the whole thing broke on the freeway, scattering lumber and splinters everywhere. The traffic cop called me the worst carpenter in the whole state. FML

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By RyanTheMan15 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house watching a home makeover show with her and her mom. The show's host had a giant portrait of himself on his wall and then I said, "I hate it when people do that, it's so stupid." Her mom stared at me and pointed to the portrait of my girlfriend on the wall. FML

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By Ghostly - United States - Madison

Today, while filling out paperwork at the dermatologist, it asked what color I would use to describe my skin tone. When the nurse saw I chose fair, she mumbled "Ghost is more like it." I have a severe sun allergy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

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By BubbaYoshi117 - United States - Kirkland

test light

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must have spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

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By ncjarhead - United States

Today, I discovered the same erotic pictures my wife emailed to me while I was deployed were emailed to several other guys by her. FML

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By friskeyk14 - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML

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By Hatilic_

Today, my idiot of a boss yelled at me because it's physically impossible for me to be in two places at the same time, and that I'm not a magician. He didn't understand that. FML

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Top comments

By Redoxx_fml | 22

#5938500 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:28

That's some brilliant role reversal on their part

By AFCCT | 7

#5938497 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:27

Well that's just plain awesomeness.

COMMENTS

By lifearikson | 8

#5938496 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:27

it happens

Reply

Ruler3000 | 17

#5938549 - Thursday 8 May 2014 17:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

MattM95 | 16

#5938563 - Thursday 8 May 2014 17:24

Well I've never heard of that happening before, but it is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh OP.

Reply

kaablam | 17

#5938735 - Thursday 8 May 2014 20:38

I've also never heard of this happening before, but I know I'll be using it now.. Thanks for the tip Op, I'll leave out the dumbass part though.

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#5939459 - Friday 9 May 2014 13:52

#1 do you browse reddit?

Reply

mwangi101 | 15

#6068431 - Friday 19 September 2014 0:59

It was a vine, I believe it was Thomas Sanders?

By AFCCT | 7

#5938497 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:27

Well that's just plain awesomeness.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#5942906 - Tuesday 13 May 2014 0:12

Yep, they got you legit.

By Redoxx_fml | 22

#5938500 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:28

That's some brilliant role reversal on their part

Reply

thisawkwardchick | 15

#5946668 - Friday 16 May 2014 5:06

i am sooooo trying that.

By asparagus12 | 21

#5938502 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:29

I am totally going to try this one! Haha. YDI, but at least everyone gets a good laugh out of it.

Reply

AlaskanG | 27

#5938591 - Thursday 8 May 2014 18:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

ChristianH39 | 30

#5938615 - Thursday 8 May 2014 18:51

OP got caught off guard, but he DID still fall for it. So he deserved it. Doesn't make him stupid though, shit happens.

Reply

CrazyGirlfriend | 21

#5939118 - Friday 9 May 2014 3:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

Goblin182 | 26

#5939437 - Friday 9 May 2014 13:37

They deserved it for being an annoying telemarketer.

Reply

whenitdidhappen | 14

#5940034 - Saturday 10 May 2014 1:32

What if they needed this job? c'mon dude!

By abzray123 | 7

#5938506 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:31

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

MrDonSalvetti | 27

#5938565 - Thursday 8 May 2014 17:25

"Laughing out out out out loud loud loud loud!!!!!"

Yeah sure...

Reply

brivielle | 15

#5938645 - Thursday 8 May 2014 19:29

lol

By KingreX32 | 21

#5938508 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:31

totally must try this myself.

Reply

xxtaaayxx | 6

#5950009 - Monday 19 May 2014 13:56

Ditto!!!

By cjwayy | 22

#5938509 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:31

They got it from a vine. Don't feel bad, OP, your trollers weren't even original. :P

Reply

ThatFancyPenn | 18

#5938578 - Thursday 8 May 2014 17:42

What if... this WAS the vine?

Reply

SS | 31

#5938587 - Thursday 8 May 2014 17:51

Or maybe there is something suspicious about the genuinity of this FML ;)

Reply

sunnyray812 | 42

#5938690 - Thursday 8 May 2014 20:07

We found Thomas Sanders' victim!!! :O

Reply

ShadowFlame275 | 18

#5938773 - Thursday 8 May 2014 21:22

Or maybe he got the idea to post from the vine, and it never really happened to him.

Reply

PresidentNorth | 16

#5938798 - Thursday 8 May 2014 21:53

just because it was put on a social media doesn't mean no one else could have thought of it.

Reply

russfml | 31

#5940163 - Saturday 10 May 2014 4:39

Who cares if it was a vine, I hate telemarketers no offence OP. I'm totally doing this lmfao

By woainishamu | 21

#5938512 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:32

It's a trap!

By AH1Zviper | 15

#5938513 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:32

Eh, I prefer to to answer with "Sorry, but I'm not in today."

By LostInTheZone11 | 28

#5938515 - Thursday 8 May 2014 16:34

Now that's a funny way to turn the tables.