Miscellaneous: Today, the nerves for my finals got so bad that I started stress-cleaning... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Newville

Today, the nerves for my finals got so bad that I started stress-cleaning in my dream. FML

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Season finale

Insane parents

Dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - France

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

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By malnourishedstudent - United States - Palm Coast

Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 23:00

Wow thanks, I'm cured

Today, I learned from my father that all I had to do was eat right and exercise and I would be bipolar free. Gee, why hadn't I thought of that yet? FML

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By frigid

Today, I found out my landlord is too cheap to turn up the hot water tank enough to have a comfortable shower. There's a huge padlock on the door, she won't budge, and I'm signed in until December. FML

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By Anonymous

Whistleblower

Today, my boss held a meeting to talk about how we can't overlook others and no one should pick favorites. I walked out unemployed when I pointed out that she completely ignored the person who made the biggest sale in company history and constantly gave her son raises for mediocre work. FML

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By asdf - United States

Today, my mom slept all day. But when she got out of bed for five minutes, she told me I was a worthless piece of shit. Then she went back to bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. In fact I just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

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By pontwa - Australia

Today, after nearly 2 years, my now ex-girlfriend decided she was ready to have sex. Specifically, sex with my dad. FML

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By oreoblizzard619 - United States

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

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By Anonyme - Switzerland - Geneve

Today, I was trying to seduce a really good-looking girl, when all of a sudden she leaned in towards me and said, “Sorry, I’m not drunk enough to make out with you.“ FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

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By ontherun2012 - United States

Today, I finally received my passport. Too bad my flight to Italy left last week. FML

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By Trimacle - United States

Today, I went to the House of Horrors at Universal Studios. People dressed up as monsters would jump at us, and I was so freaked out that I tripped. My equally terrified mom fell on top of me. Frankenstein's monster was nice enough to ask us if we were alright. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Modesto

Today, I worked up my courage and took an elevator for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, it was also my first time getting trapped for several hours in an elevator. FML

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By lauramarie - Canada

Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 16:59

Overcome

Today, I just finished a client meeting. I couldn’t stop stuttering and couldn’t answer their questions. Towards the end, they just ignored me. I’ve been in the job for a year. I’m pretty much in tears now. FML

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By doubleCoupon - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 20:02 - Canada - Kitchener

In the dark

Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things official and exclusive. I was confident she'd feel the same way. Then I found out she's an escort. FML

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By caitiexob - United States

Today, I found a note in my locker from a really hot guy asking me to prom. I went up to him saying how excited I was to go. He said "Oh you got the note?" and slipped it into the locker next to me. FML

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By At least she knows I floss - United States - Pomona

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents and everything was going perfectly. He and I even had some time alone upstairs, where I gave him a blowjob. After dinner, his mom helpfully pointed out something stuck in my braces and inspected it for me. It was a pube. FML

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By Awkward - Bahrain

Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML

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By how about never? - United States - San Fernando

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

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By veggiepower11028

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded with, "That's nice. You know what I love? Chicken wings. Let's go get some." Apparently, he doesn't remember I'm a vegetarian either. FML

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By John Nani - United States

Today, it's Christmas day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML

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By moronicmoroccan - Philippines

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

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By fatty - United States - Madison

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

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By nothotforteacher - United States

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

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By Eva - France

Today, my boyfriend woke me up by playing with the string of my tampon. FML

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By lifestinks - United States

Today, my work finally hired someone to replace some leaky pipes at work. I work in the basement by myself, and just as I walk under the newly fixed pipes, I get soaked with water. Apparently it was connected to a toilet. My boss couldn't find a replacement so they made me work covered in piss. FML

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By fuck you - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Plano

Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML

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By laurenraeee - United States

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

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By whippingpost - 8/3/2020 04:56

Drunken lout

Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML

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By problems - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

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By Ipickthegoodones - United States

Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML

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By Brunofk7 - Peru - Lima

Today, I made a multiple choice exam so my friend could practice and get a good grade on his real exam. While I was helping him finish it, the teacher saw it, thought we were cheating and failed us both. FML

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By moduschic - United States

Today, at work this woman came up to my counter and handed me gold top covered in gold sequins. I like to chat with the customers sometimes at work so I got all excited and said "Ooh! You shopping for Halloween?" She gave me the biggest death stare. Turns out she wasn't shopping for Halloween. FML

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By SinkyBalls - Canada

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

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By CreeptacularBait

Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML

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Top comments

By Anubis94 | 24

#6577628 - Sunday 10 April 2016 7:40

At least your dreams are clean!
Now only if you could study in your dreams and somehow retain it..

By MrConfusion | 21

#6577623 - Sunday 10 April 2016 7:37

That could be a good thing! I hear many of your problems in your conscious are solved in your subconscious. You'll probably do better on your finals now!

COMMENTS

By HerWrongHole247 | 18

#6577622 - Sunday 10 April 2016 7:37

I hope it was some booty

Reply

MrConfusion | 21

#6577627 - Sunday 10 April 2016 7:40

That doesn't even make sense.

By MrConfusion | 21

#6577623 - Sunday 10 April 2016 7:37

That could be a good thing! I hear many of your problems in your conscious are solved in your subconscious. You'll probably do better on your finals now!

Reply

HerWrongHole247 | 18

#6578202 - Monday 11 April 2016 3:49

Link pls.

By Anubis94 | 24

#6577628 - Sunday 10 April 2016 7:40

At least your dreams are clean!
Now only if you could study in your dreams and somehow retain it..

Reply

kk21days | 14

#6578195 - Monday 11 April 2016 2:52

I've actually done that before. Dx

By 1010110100101101 | 18

#6577632 - Sunday 10 April 2016 7:43

You seem fairly organized

By c0ffeeb3an | 15

#6577637 - Sunday 10 April 2016 7:46

Stress cleaning. In my days we called it procrastination, but okay.

Reply

Kitouran | 30

#6577800 - Sunday 10 April 2016 16:20

Yeah, even in a dream OP should be studying! How dare they put that off by sleeping?!

By photogirlinlove | 16

#6577642 - Sunday 10 April 2016 8:01

Try stuDYING like I do-through osmosis. Just sleep on top of your textbooks!

By lpfire61 | 14

#6577643 - Sunday 10 April 2016 8:02

Monica Geller? Is that you?

By kelciimackk | 24

#6577644 - Sunday 10 April 2016 8:02

At least you're sleeping.. Haha, good luck with finals, OP!

By TCKM416 | 15

#6577646 - Sunday 10 April 2016 8:07

I remember when my boyfriend started throwing out euphamism that we had made up in front of my mom, I nearly killed him

Reply

TCKM416 | 15

#6577651 - Sunday 10 April 2016 8:13

Accidentally commented on the wrong fml and couldn't figure out how to delete this

By Tripartita | 44

#6577654 - Sunday 10 April 2016 8:18

Plot twist: the OP is enrolled in a home economics course.