Love: Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous...

By Anonymous

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

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Love

Rock, hard place

Our house, in the middle of our street

Vulture

By Tomtom - France

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 05:05

Quite the catch

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me with more guys than I can count on one hand. I'm not sure what's worse, realizing this only after she's moved in, realizing two of the guys were my close friends, or realizing I'd given up my dream career for this. FML

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2708

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By Anthony Hathaway

Today, as I was taking the garbage out, I tripped over my own feet, causing my knee to dislocate in such a way that it shattered the back of my kneecap and fractured my femur. I guess I won't be taking the garbage out again anytime soon. FML

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2842

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By KICKxASSxNINJA - 26/9/2020 08:02 - United States - Fresno

Believe her next time

Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML

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950

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By Cody - United States

Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, and the other came up to me and said, "Daddy, let's go. We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the airport about to leave for my business trip. In the restroom, I put my purse on the edge of the sink and got my lipstick out. I leaned closer to apply my lipstick and my open purse fell into the sink, triggering the automatic faucet, filling my purse with water. FML

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By fallen - United States - Merion Station

Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML

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4845

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By garlicbread - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2020 02:02

Morbid cringe

Today, I realized just how pathetic my life is when I found myself fascinated by videos that a woman posts on YouTube of her removing ingrown hairs and zits from people’s private areas. FML

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909

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286

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By RKE - United States

Today, I went to our school golf banquet, after being with the team and practicing every day for a few months with them. When it came time to get the certificates, all the names were called out. Except for mine. When I asked the coach where my certificate was, he said "Who are you?". FML

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By AH - United States

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

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By Anonymous

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

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1498

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By anonymous - United States - Crossville

Today, while working the drive-thru at work, an older woman asked for my phone number to give to her single son. After I politely declined, she called me a slut and threw her food at me through the window before promptly speeding off. FML

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14142

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I went in for an interview for my first ever job. Just seconds after meeting the boss, I slipped on the linoleum floor. I was wearing a skirt. FML

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By Beeky - United States - Helena

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

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44895

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By Anonymous - United States - La Porte

Today, the father of my unborn child told me he isn't sure he'll be able to make it to the birth, since there's no guarantee of when it will happen, so he can't schedule time off. This would be understandable if he actually had a job. FML

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27857

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By badbowel - United States - Utica

Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4740

You deserved it

283

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By Pokemon problems - Canada - Toronto

Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML

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27345

You deserved it

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By bob - United States

Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML

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34320

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By PlagueFace - 17/7/2020 17:01

Spotted

Today, my dentist kept staring at me with a worried expression while working on me. Concerned that something was wrong with my teeth, I asked her what was the matter. She replied, "I'm not a dermatologist, but you should go to a doctor, I think you have staph." She was referring to my acne. FML

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1361

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up from surgery to have my appendix removed, only to be told by my wife it didn’t happen because my appendix was healthy. It turns out my intense pain was a rancid fart that lasted nearly 10 whole seconds while I was asleep and cut open on the operating table. FML

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4546

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By parentfail - United Kingdom

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, while hiking in the mountains in North Carolina, I finally got to the deer I had been tracking for almost an hour. I was watching it from about 10 feet away, and enjoying every moment. Within a few seconds, my niece yelled from across the river to ask if I had found it. It ran away. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Session done!

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

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2191

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By frankkathy - United States

Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML

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By akieferr - United States

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

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37712

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By techiefIve - United States

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

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By TetrisMaster - Australia

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

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42480

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Somerton

Today, I woke up following one of the worst nightmares of my life. I was sweating, clutching the sheets, and feeling sick to the stomach. I'd been dreaming of my wedding that's taking place next week. FML

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34735

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By Anonymous - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my mom has been deliberately forgetting to help me practice my driving. It's not because the insurance will go up once I pass the test, she doesn't want my 14 year-old sister to feel left behind. FML

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20613

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By TheLemon - Turkey - Aydin

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

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7773

You deserved it

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By devourer, apparently

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that I had grown on him. I thought it was cute, until he added, "like a flesh eating bacteria". FML

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2358

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By H…… - 20/11/2020 20:08

Are you sure you're OK?

Today, my roommate and I were talking about how much better my dog has gotten at not peeing in the house, and how I was doing better at not losing my temper when he did. A few hours after this conversation, the dog pissed all over the floor and I screamed so loudly that now my throat hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

266

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML

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28770

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By CoffeeStained - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

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27301

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By damnitsam

Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML

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5260

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By BrokenAndHurt - United States - Gilmanton

Today, my best friend decided to make some life changes. He got a new job, a new car, and asked me to move out of our apartment. We're 1,500 miles away from my hometown. I only moved all the way out here to live with him in the first place because he asked me to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12742

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1412

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By Anonymous - United States - Erie

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

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By Ondskansgris - Sweden

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

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Top comments

By jerseygirl94 | 11

#6646982 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:34

Talk to the police and save the texts, don't let him control your life.

By nomasuras | 17

#6646984 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:34

Save (if possible) any evidence of that threat and if it does happen provide it to the police have have the scumbag arrested

COMMENTS

By jerseygirl94 | 11

#6646982 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:34

Talk to the police and save the texts, don't let him control your life.

littlesward | 8

#6647052 - Sunday 10 July 2016 18:31

Hopefully she's not underage so she can do this. If she's under 18 then she could be charged with distribution of child pornography.

TabooSushi | 24

#6647055 - Sunday 10 July 2016 18:42

Not sure why you got downvoted, you're right. Underage kids don't think of that stuff when they send nudes and other sexually explicit images. It's technically child porn and people HAVE gotten busted for it.

By saidoh_fml | 26

#6646983 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:34

What a horrible human being. Sorry that happened to you OP.

By nomasuras | 17

#6646984 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:34

Save (if possible) any evidence of that threat and if it does happen provide it to the police have have the scumbag arrested

Scootythedog | 17

#6646986 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:36

This is true. Distribution of pictures without consent is illegal

By trucker2 | 33

#6646989 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:37

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

hellobobismyname | 24

#6647017 - Sunday 10 July 2016 17:25

What does having a photographic memory have to do with anything? Does that mean she shouldn't even get naked in front of any man in case they remember her..? Or do you mean men can digitalize their memories and post last night's sexcapades on the Internet?

trucker2 | 33

#6647046 - Sunday 10 July 2016 18:21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

light_specks | 3

#6647074 - Sunday 10 July 2016 19:03

No, sending private information or pictures is not "asking for trouble". When you share something private with someone and they then divulge that to others, that makes them scumbags. And it's often illegal. Don't freaking victim-blame. There is no one to blame if he decides to share her pictures but him.

By ceciestuncompte_fml | 1

#6646990 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:41

Actually, depending of your country, even just threatening to leak the pics may already be considered blackmail (and thus illegal).

By dracolich | 27

#6646992 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:47

Document it all, call the cops. Don't let anyone make you believe this "is your fault" for sending nudes. It's not. It's his for turning a private, erotic practice into a weapon against you.

By DumbassRoaster | 22

#6646994 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

LoverWordsFood | 27

#6647019 - Sunday 10 July 2016 17:26

Glad your name matches the comment. I guess you haven't been in a relationship where the two of you like to tease one another by sending sexy pictures and texts. The reasons don't matter why the couple does it but you shouldn't be blaming the OP at all for her wanting to be sexy and sending them to her partner, well ex boyfriend now.

DumbassRoaster | 22

#6647072 - Sunday 10 July 2016 19:00

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By SixthSinEnvy | 39

#6646998 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:55

This is why I say, if one MUST send nudes, never ever ever include your face/tattoo/identifying factors that could point to it being you. People are just too mean and vengeful nowadays.

Colon_Man | 17

#6647007 - Sunday 10 July 2016 17:07

LOL. "Must".

By band_geek | 18

#6646999 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:55

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Neuron0 | 14

#6647000 - Sunday 10 July 2016 16:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway