Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose... - FML

By mwja - 26/2/2011 22:59 - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31431

You deserved it

3919

Tweet

Share

Does it taste good?

Or he's just becoming an old goober

British Broadcasting Corporation

By TJ - 7/1/2010 16:50 - India

Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38108

You deserved it

2974

Tweet

Share

By Nikse - 29/7/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19290

You deserved it

51878

Tweet

Share

By StretchNuts - 11/3/2010 12:50 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22287

You deserved it

4761

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/7/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35272

You deserved it

2636

Tweet

Share

By cheated - 6/7/2019 22:03

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1874

You deserved it

136

Tweet

Share

By FMlovelife - 28/6/2012 15:28 - United States

Today, I stumbled across my ex's blog. Apparently, while dating me, he realized he was gay. Good to know the one guy I've dated, lost my virginity to, and fell in love with, was never truly attracted to me and was dating me just to be sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35629

You deserved it

2941

Tweet

Share

By Luke - 19/3/2013 09:59 - United States - Liverpool

Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor for the third time this month. I joked about how we're like "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears and ran off. I later found out that she had been a foster child and never once had a stable home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38027

You deserved it

29548

Tweet

Share

By a4rk - 8/7/2012 18:32 - Malaysia - Sibu

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24686

You deserved it

4451

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/7/2009 18:59 - Norway

Today, I had two minutes to get to the bus stop which usually takes me eight minutes. I had to catch that bus to be at work at the hospital in time. I was in such a hurry, I didn't have the time to tie my shoe laces. I ran with untied shoe laces. I did end up in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38449

You deserved it

14858

Tweet

Share

By toothfairy - 26/6/2009 14:20 - United Kingdom

Today, My 5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed. She had tied a ribbon around a dead rat's neck and propped it up on my pillow. The label says his name was Bert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46582

You deserved it

2965

Tweet

Share

By katie - 23/8/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1571

You deserved it

3549

Tweet

Share

By SlapAndTickle - 11/10/2013 03:04 - United States

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47503

You deserved it

5129

Tweet

Share

By me - 19/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11854

You deserved it

28452

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/9/2014 02:18 - United States - Bronx

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40793

You deserved it

3232

Tweet

Share

By WTF - 27/9/2015 07:57 - Poland - Wroclaw

Today, I was driving to work and stopped at a stop light. A full 2 or 3 seconds passed, followed by a car rear-ending me. The idiot driving it got out and gave me hell, calling me a maniac because I braked "too quickly" and didn't give him a chance to react. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25544

You deserved it

1532

Tweet

Share

By mandapanda - 2/2/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, as I was driving to work in the aftermath of a terrible blizzard that came through my area last night, a lady slid through an intersection and hit my car, totaling it. I called my boss and told her what happened, only to have her tell me that we were closed due bad roads. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30007

You deserved it

4805

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/8/2011 08:32 - Australia

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35451

You deserved it

17483

Tweet

Share

By unlucky_number13 - 14/7/2009 09:41 - United States

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21815

You deserved it

62439

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/8/2019 20:00

Today, my psychiatrist said, "Well, good luck." at the end of my appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1488

You deserved it

163

Tweet

Share

By fine - 28/2/2015 05:22 - United States - Danvers

Today, after struggling for over a year with it, and now having it medically confirmed, I told my step-dad about my depression. He gave me a disgusted look and scoffed, "Toughen up, cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37248

You deserved it

4476

Tweet

Share

By FML4evs - 10/4/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, my younger brother watched an old music video of The Who, who are know for smashing up their guitars and such. He decided it would be cool to try it with mine. That guitar was worth over $3000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85611

You deserved it

4650

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/7/2017 07:00 - United States - Coplay

Today, my school brought in therapy dogs to help with stress. I was attacked by one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5540

You deserved it

465

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/10/2013 16:08 - United States - Ballwin

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48900

You deserved it

5452

Tweet

Share

By brokeaf - 11/7/2011 19:09 - United States

Today, I received a $50 iTunes card for my birthday. I immediately sat down at my computer and starting buying all my newest favorites. Then I realized I never redeemed my card so the $50 was all charged to my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11861

You deserved it

52404

Tweet

Share

By meeee - 21/3/2013 10:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44162

You deserved it

17810

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 17:10 - United States - San Diego

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48670

You deserved it

3042

Tweet

Share

By numbnuts - 23/9/2013 05:48 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39395

You deserved it

6014

Tweet

Share

By AtLeastThereWasAParamedic - 2/3/2017 20:00

Today, I was walking on the sidewalk near my house when a car pulled out of a parking spot in front of a speeding ambulance. The ambulance swerved up onto the grass. Yes, I broke my arm after being hit by an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7783

You deserved it

411

Tweet

Share

By paperbagofdoom - 29/5/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43561

You deserved it

5109

Tweet

Share

By smh - 3/11/2015 20:04 - United States - Beulah

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend of two years asked me out on a date was because I accidentally flashed him when we met. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21292

You deserved it

2980

Tweet

Share

By myl1f3isfuct - 11/7/2013 00:15 - United States

Today, my college English teacher told me if I wanted an explanation for my grade I would have to schedule a conference to come to her office. It's an online class. I took an online class because I can't come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44291

You deserved it

4301

Tweet

Share

By strangely - 25/7/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35090

You deserved it

6196

Tweet

Share

By DietKelp - 23/10/2015 10:30 - United States

Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27426

You deserved it

1952

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/12/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11547

You deserved it

24989

Tweet

Share

By State - 19/3/2017 02:00

Today, my best friend asked me to be the best man at his wedding. I had to decline because the bride's family has deep prison gang ties and I'm a correctional officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7206

You deserved it

532

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/1/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8934

You deserved it

36339

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said that we can "maybe have sleepovers" at his house when he FINALLY moves out. He's 24, and we've been dating for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28341

You deserved it

8044

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/1/2015 05:39 - United States - Mahwah

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Turns out his dad is the asshole customer that I complain about all the time. He recognized me too and spent the entire dinner making passive-aggressive remarks about how bad of an employee I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33218

You deserved it

2876

Tweet

Share

By JPF - 13/8/2009 03:13 - Australia

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

109144

You deserved it

5569

Tweet

Share

By suhleedah18 - 24/4/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, I realized just how bad my problem with making eye contact is, when I caught myself looking the other way when the singer in a music video looked directly at the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24739

You deserved it

4950

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SirEBC | 7

#2126852 - Sunday 27 February 2011 3:22

I feel like there should be a "*Takes off sunglasses*" before the last sentence.

By KaySL | 24

#2126722 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:21

I know, right? I actually shat my asshole out after eating chipotle for the first time, but I could never give that shit up, son. I'm a proud member of the Eric Cartman Society of Chipotle Lovers. Werd.

COMMENTS

By SarahStarzz | 0

#2126650 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:06

haha YDI :P

By MsSoulReaper | 27

#2126652 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:06

That sucks OP but you'll be alright :P no worries!

By Hal0kittyable | 0

#2126657 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:06

Ouch...maybe you shouldn't eat that anymore...

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2126708 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:17

Give up good food because of a bloody nose?! I think nott.

Reply

philpip | 7

#2126711 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:20

Nicely worded! ;D

Reply

KaySL | 24

#2126722 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:21

I know, right? I actually shat my asshole out after eating chipotle for the first time, but I could never give that shit up, son. I'm a proud member of the Eric Cartman Society of Chipotle Lovers. Werd.

Reply

TheWazBe | 0

#2127426 - Sunday 27 February 2011 7:27

I actually shat my asshole out?
Is that correct? Just wondering.

Reply

Adamantoise | 0

#2127636 - Sunday 27 February 2011 9:04

Maybe it wasn't the food. A spontaneous nose bleed, perhaps.

Reply

insanesna1l | 0

#2128177 - Sunday 27 February 2011 11:38

nose bleeds can be caused by spicy foods or exertion during exercise

Reply

crazytoaster | 2

#2128402 - Sunday 27 February 2011 13:10

Dibbs on 'A Fountain of Blood' as a band name!

Reply

DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#2129067 - Sunday 27 February 2011 14:00

10 - How much weight did you lose after you shat your asshole out?

Reply

devilcb | 5

#2132940 - Monday 28 February 2011 13:37

that's why you don't snort ramen

Reply

OtakuKev | 7

#5767467 - Monday 25 November 2013 10:08

Oh please, it wasn't the noodles that gave him the nose bleed, he just happened to see something perverted whilst eating those noodles xD

By piiing | 0

#2126685 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:12

take pics, bloody pics are hot.

Reply

Jammy01jams | 2

#2127110 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:21

uuhh WTF is wrong with you?

Reply

Taz_the_Spaz | 0

#2127446 - Sunday 27 February 2011 7:35

No, what is wrong with you?!? Everyone gets turnee on by bloody pics.

Reply

milakitty21 | 0

#2127569 - Sunday 27 February 2011 8:26

actually I'm more turned on by your icon picture.

Reply

ComTlancy | 12

#2128930 - Sunday 27 February 2011 13:20

are you referencing that FML about the guy what had a blood nose, dripped his blood onto a knife, took photos of it and now has to see the school shrink?

if yes, nicely done.

By you_failed | 15

#2126691 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:13

Oooh that sounds lovely! :)
Just kidding but that's not good. :| FYL OP.

By drzhottie148 | 0

#2126693 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:13

Trying to add a diffrent taste to it huh

By rlet | 1

#2126714 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:21

thats crazy what did u do with the bowl?? eat the noodles or hit your nose with it lol

By xoxoMEGANxoxo | 13

#2126724 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:24

that's revolting...

By sarabraun8 | 7

#2126768 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:42

gotta get that checked out

Reply

FMLPanda89 | 0

#2127298 - Sunday 27 February 2011 6:33

what if it's a STD. :O

Reply

creamcheese724 | 0

#2127485 - Sunday 27 February 2011 7:49

he has herpes..herpes hates hot food

Reply

randomaccess745 | 0

#2127490 - Sunday 27 February 2011 7:52

tell that to science! maybe the cure for herpes is jalepeños. you should test this by pouring hot sauce on your genitals.

Reply

Suchagoonnn | 4

#2127824 - Sunday 27 February 2011 9:40

that would feel... warm. hot sauce doesnt burn your cock dude

By odexy | 12

#2126781 - Sunday 27 February 2011 2:46

Your life is fucked because you got a nose bleed? Sure.

Reply

afdude87 | 6

#2127053 - Sunday 27 February 2011 5:00

I was thinkin the same thing..