Health: Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology,... - FML

By leaftheerickson - 21/10/2012 10:31 - United States - Bohemia

Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 883

You deserved it 1 594

Dementia or hate? You decide

Best teeth in the game

Child's play

By misty - 28/06/2011 16:14 - Canada

Today, after checking in and waiting 3 hours to see the doctor, the receptionist said she forgot about me because she didn't see me. She asked me to come back tomorrow. I was sitting right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 078

You deserved it 4 185

By socialix - 19/04/2015 01:03 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend with a serenade. After I finished, she told me she'd come over to tell me she'd found someone else and wanted to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 630

You deserved it 3 386

Cyclist's drip

By buyouyou - 28/08/2021 12:01 - China - Beijing

Today, I cycled to the office in my new uniform pants. When I arrived an hour later, my sweat had already soaked through them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 780

Sing me to sleep

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 97

By WTF Mom - 21/05/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the reason my 12-year-old brother has been anxious and afraid of cops for the last 6 months. My crazy mother convinced him that porn is illegal and comes with a death penalty. She did the same thing to me when I was his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 949

You deserved it 458

By monsterinlaw - 23/08/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, my obnoxious mother-in-law berated me in front of my husband's family for still working while pregnant. She says I'm harming the baby by not quitting. I'm only 4 months pregnant and I work as a nurse at a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 136

You deserved it 2 626

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 14:45 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, my commitment issues were perfectly illustrated when I couldn't put a nail in the wall to hang a painting, because, "What if I change my mind?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 629

You deserved it 5 992

By Don'tjudgeabook - 05/04/2017 20:00

Today, a man reminded me five times how much of a "nice guy" he was during our first conversation, saying also that I seem the sort to date the "bad guys" because I looked sweet and innocent. Then, without waiting for me to say something, he sighed and walked away, muttering that he always finished last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 728

You deserved it 335

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 08:00

Today, I realized that my girlfriend and I have no shared hobbies. We used to. She's stopped doing them with me and instead does them with someone else. No worries, he's "just a friend", although she did tell me she has a crush on him. But "nothing's going to happen" because "he doesn't feel the same". FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 79

By The captain - 21/08/2011 23:09 - Canada

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 377

You deserved it 4 639

By Lace - 23/08/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my husband just told me that he no longer loves me but keeps me around to handle his finances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 054

You deserved it 3 741

By rinala - 01/07/2012 07:07

Today, my boyfriend decided to start an argument and storm off the train we were on. Two stops later, ticket inspectors hopped on the train. He had our tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 736

You deserved it 3 209

By ironyisabitch - 02/06/2012 05:43 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 205

You deserved it 3 059

By fmypaint - 14/10/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 570

You deserved it 35 218

By Bill Harrison - 19/07/2011 15:19 - United States

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 366

You deserved it 6 727

By HazzaBoo - 07/08/2012 23:45 - United States

Today, I decided to help the homeless by giving them old clothes and food. In return, they decided to mug me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 583

You deserved it 2 953

Hip cats

By :(( - 24/06/2012 21:45 - United States - Montevideo

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 028

You deserved it 50 872

Connection

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 05:49 - Canada - London

Today, my coworker called me a liar when I said I've been to New York. This is the same psycho who honestly expects me to believe that she and Brad Pitt have a "thing" and that he secretly communicates with her through interviews on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 816

You deserved it 1 786

Someone's getting coal from Santa...

By Anonymous - 15/12/2017 15:00

Today, my nephew stabbed me in the knee with a colouring pencil. The hospital says he ripped a hole in a tendon and I need surgery to fix it or one day it'll snap. I’ll have a limp for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 861

You deserved it 267

By scheisse - 14/07/2013 21:25 - Germany - Herne

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 291

You deserved it 67 402

Xbox (not in) One (piece)

By amandadonnelly97 - 01/05/2020 05:00

Today, after weeks of saving, we finally got our Xbox One delivered. The courier guy who was bringing it up the two stories of stairs tripped on his laces, throwing the package over the side of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 880

You deserved it 3 617

By Zephyric - 02/02/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 363

You deserved it 3 463

Bad friends

By Anonymous - 18/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was hanging with my friends when out of the blue, I got thirsty. Friends said there was Gatorade in the fridge. Being the trusting person I am, I took a drink, only to discover it was piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 382

You deserved it 285

By unknown - 17/12/2012 11:37 - Canada

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 435

You deserved it 6 849

By jemma - 04/08/2009 11:27 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was reading me a love poem he wrote for me. It was beautiful, and going really well until he read the last line, which had a girl's name in it. It wasn't my name. My boyfriend said "shit, wrong girl", and dug through his bag for a different poem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 990

You deserved it 4 716

Love in the time of coronavirus

By Darkparcero33 - 28/02/2021 08:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Then my COVID test came back as positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 128

By Whyudodis - 01/10/2016 07:18 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, while on the skytrain, a woman leaned on the railing bar that I was holding onto, crushing my hand. My first instinct was to move my hand when she turned around and began loudly yelling at me for, "Touching her waist" and "Sexually harassing" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 564

You deserved it 880

By jobless - 08/09/2016 18:18 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, after a month at my new job, my boss fired me because I didn't have enough experience. She hired me with full knowledge of this fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 887

You deserved it 912

By ImprovTeacher - 16/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 2 267

Kids, eh?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my four year-old daughter when we met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman I know. My daughter looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 487

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 22/10/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 308

You deserved it 2 958

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 22:00

Today, my boss told me to check out the situation in the restroom. Someone had crapped themselves, rolled their underwear into a ball, and had the audacity to write that they were sorry in sharpie on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 606

You deserved it 292

What should I do?

By Anonymous - 08/12/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 115

You deserved it 544

By Infected - 20/02/2011 17:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 873

You deserved it 19 857

By EpicMayonnaise - 26/08/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 353

You deserved it 3 653

You hear me?

By cuz803 - 10/04/2021 20:00

Today, due to the lack of social interaction because of COVID-19, I began talking and acting aggressively to myself almost every moment. It's grown so noticeable that my parents and sister mimic me as a way to mock me. Family bonding for the win, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 320

By nomegusta - 05/01/2013 15:59 - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 272

You deserved it 28 001

By WeightonmyShoulders - 11/12/2015 21:10 - United States - Canandaigua

Today, I realized that I know, all too well, what it feels like to have my over-middle-age boss's boob on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 636

You deserved it 1 742

By sonofmilf - 17/05/2009 05:46 - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 875

You deserved it 6 364

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:40

Just see which leaves you collected and get spot tested for them.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:42

Standard allergy testing includes to a bunch of different kinds of trees, right? If you haven't had that done before, perhaps you can now -- and perhaps allergy shots might improve things for you. In the meantime, I suppose at least you have a doctor's note to get out of the biology project....

Comments

anythingmustbe 18

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:39

That is pretty sucky op. Hopefully you will be able to find out what the leaf was. Life can be a bitch.

HowAreYouToday 34

Sunday 21 October 2012 20:07

So can doctors.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 20:37

I think u meant: life can be a birch... Teehee

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Sunday 21 October 2012 22:10

#27 win. Sounds like OP's doc is pretty stumped. You better leaf him.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 22:33

Leafs a bitch and then you die :p

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Sunday 21 October 2012 23:18

43 - I give you points fir trying.

Scarshadow101 6

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Monday 22 October 2012 3:29

These comments made me laugh harder than the FML did.

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Monday 22 October 2012 4:19

The only time saying fir instead of for won't get you attacked by grammar nazis

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Monday 22 October 2012 16:09

#59 - there is an "you" in place of "your" in your bio.

FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29

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Monday 22 October 2012 18:18

These comments are very punny.

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Wednesday 24 October 2012 6:10

67 if you read carefully saying "your" would make absolutely no sense listen "if your can't understand..."? How does that make sense?

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Wednesday 24 October 2012 6:13

Also "an" should not be before "you" in your comment "y" is not a vowel in this case if you would like to try and talk about proper grammar you should have proof read your commer first

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Wednesday 24 October 2012 6:49

Yeah, listen to the guy who doesn't proofread his comments.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:40

Just see which leaves you collected and get spot tested for them.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 20:03

Exactly. My mom had to do this after her body went haywire via cat dander.

boredSOLDIER 33

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Saturday 22 June 2013 16:16

Time is running out

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:42

Standard allergy testing includes to a bunch of different kinds of trees, right? If you haven't had that done before, perhaps you can now -- and perhaps allergy shots might improve things for you. In the meantime, I suppose at least you have a doctor's note to get out of the biology project....

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:43

Trees hate you OP. Trees hate you. *starts throwing DVDs at OP*

Futacy 29

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:47

No more crack for you, LOL

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:51

That's likely my favourite video by Julian Smith.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 22:29

Well, I'd rather eat Randy.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 23:44

Julian Smith reference indeed. He makes the most hilarious videos on youtube in my opinion.

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Monday 22 October 2012 0:40

You're comments are getting better. [=

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Monday 22 October 2012 0:42

Your*

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:45

Leaf allergies, as if you didn't have enough incentive to stay inside during the fall...

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:48

Same here. I had an allergy test and learned I am allergic to every tree except a cedar tree. Took allergy shots....and had an anaphylactic reaction to those.

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Monday 22 October 2012 0:03

I'm allergic to all tree, grass, and weed pollens. As well as cat dander and dust mites. Thankfully, I started getting allergy shots a few months ago and they're helping me a lot. ...That's disappointing that they didn't work for you.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:49

At least your doctor has a sense of humor.

Futacy 29

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:58

The only thing funny about OP's doctor is wherever he got his diploma from.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 20:01

14- eBay isn't funny.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 20:20

This humor is a little off.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:50

Great doctor... Not! Get another opinion... That's not good.

Futacy 29

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:51

Find a new doctor who will actually do his job and get you tested for your allergies instead of acting like his patients don't matter.

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Sunday 21 October 2012 21:18

You should know better than to assume any FML is a whole story. The doctor probably mentioned it as a joke, then proceeded to take action. FMLs are meant to share comedic experiences, which occur at certain points, and are never entirely serious.

WritingWrongs 8

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Sunday 21 October 2012 19:54

Very funny username OP, anyway, that really does suck... Right in the middle autumn.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 119

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 52