Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML
Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
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Top comments
kidwiththeface42 7
Hot wax: you're doing it wrong.
Midrash 5
Dude..stick to hand lotion. No need to reinvent the wheel
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Comments (125)
captainfalcon7 0
geez don't spill to much or you will be a girl
Xquisite1 28
Waxing it means *******. Not literally waxing it dude.
iEthan 5
^No, CANDLE!!! Re-read.. -___-
solid2dew 6
Ethan u clearly don't understand.
kaileb 7
******* kids
CryMoreFMLs 15
15 lives in a fantasy world where ostriches can fly, and women actually lile him. But sadly, this is the real world, where hr is very allergic to ******.
captainfalcon7 0
should have held it..
thisisafunnyname 12
Shouldve held his dick, his shit, or the candle?
lightburns 10
This is why it's a good idea to put an air freshener spray in bathrooms instead...
lemon_phat 11
How.......? Do you not pull your pants up when your not done.
raphanne_fml 33
Hmmm... Double negation... Does it mean you shit your pants?
copo37 7
This should be a commercial for promoting the wall scents. Use a plug in or your gonna burn your junk. Or just leave the candle lit next time and say you were thinking bout buying one for your house so you were testing it out.
Mauskau 36
What clever person has a plug socket in a bathroom other than for a shaver?
copo37 7
Well every bathroom in a house I've been in has had two sockets.
hnz 13
At least you got your penis free waxing!
samuel96 3
Not if your into that kind of thing
2ndSucks 15
Maybe your wife will like the results.
perdix 31
Don't fool yourself -- candles don't do shit. Now, the john smells of your shit and cinnamon.
12dcevin 5
First lol