Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML
Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
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Top comments
kidwiththeface42 7
Hot wax: you're doing it wrong.
Midrash 5
Dude..stick to hand lotion. No need to reinvent the wheel
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Comments (125)
homieskillet 0
Should have been careful..
hurtandabused 7
No duh! That sounds horrible. I'm a chick n it still made me wince
_Vamp_ 9
I did that once but with a pitchfork, 3 eggs, and half an ostrich.
Nuahavizu 17
What did you do with the other half of the ostrich?
sierralovesyou 0
Ummm, if you were just blowing it out, why did wax spill out? It sucks, but ydi for not waiting.
chinochang 1
I'm sitting in the waiting room at the doctors and I just lost it while reading this
picklemonger 13
No man deserveth such torture
neptune997 4
there goes his little Johnny.
decidedlyvague 11
Why would you try to blow out a candle with your dick?
jlperry31 10
Did your wife kiss it and make it all better. Doubt it but for your sake hope she did
Ecklcakes 15
This happened to me as a kid except my head. Was very painful getting it all the wax and a shaved head didn't suit me.