Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML
Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
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Top comments
Pr0metheus 7
Hm well I think your wife should be the one writing this FML, you know since she's practically ******** fire in there...
kayleebearr 6
YDI for giving your wife laxatives just because she made fun of your tiny wiener .
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Comments (243)
DinosaurJr23 3
All I must ask is.. Does size ever really matter? And this Boi was a total twat-muffin for actually being concerned with his dick size I'm sure his lady would dig it all the same (even if he was a Pee-Wee Herman)
Isa_fml 20
you made her sick because she hurt your widdle feelings? you are a childish, insecure douchebag. good work, and by good work i mean 'go eat a bag of dicks'.
CallMeBloo 31
Exactly. She made a bad joke, and you respond by pretty much poisoning her. What she did was annoying. What you did, OP, was potentially dangerous.
MeGustaFMLFML 0
*boner* Fml ¿
shades1989 6
To all the girls who said take a joke or whatever... Just know that if us men ever said something like that to you about your body, youd go nuts and never shut up about it even if it was a harmless joke!
lazy_girl 12
yeah probably... but still, we wouldn't resort to poisoning you over a harmless joke
audreyav 7
That's horrible and wrong to do to someone you love.
3Aboodii 16
Thumbs up bro !
kimberley123 6
didnt he say "alls fair in love and war" in the fml? wouldnt that mean he knew she was joking and wanted to play a simple joke back? shut up with the "cant handle a joke" crap. -.-
duckfan4life 1
That's a comeback for the ages
hurley12 30
YDI asshole
celticlightning 1
We don't care if you laugh at us for farting in bed or something, but no guy ever finds it funny when someone "jokes" about them having a small dick. Not funny at all. Cuz we all know when a woman says she's joking, the odds of her actually joking are slim to none. Sweet, sweet revenge. Good job OP.
lazy_girl 12
So, in your opinion, it's perfectly okay for a man to poison his wife and cause immense bodily harm, because she made a joke at his expense that *potentially* had an element of truth... wow. "Good job"? Yeah, he did a good job at demonstrating his immaturity and lack of emotional intelligence.