NestHead
Moscow, Russian Federation
Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Zannanana
Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML
Anonymous
Munich, Germany
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
birdsterrifyme
This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff
Sikeston, United States
Face your fears!
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Devil's Pigeon
Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML
Anna
Buellton, United States
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Anonymous
From a great height
Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML
Keaton
United States
Today, I got a bird as a pet. I thought it would be funny to put it on my head and take a picture. When the flash went off the bird flew off my head and pooped at the same time. You could see it in the picture. FML
Anonymous
Greenwich, United Kingdom
Murder scene
Today, I saw two crows in a park using their beaks to kiss each other. A fucking crow gets more action than I do. FML
Baldy
Polly Want a Wax
Today, I was using pre-waxed strips to wax my eyebrows when my parrot investigated by walking through them. He then screamed, flew into my hair, thrashed around, and got stuck. I now have two bald spots and two parrot bites. FML
Anonymous
United States
Freedom!
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Top comments
BeingNiceSucks 6
Doesnt matter, had sex
uoeno_fml 20
What the actual ****?
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Comments (114)
ifavela89 13
someones hair got all messy lol
Futacy 29
Lol, OP has to have a severe case of parrot sex hait from this encounter.
kuraine 2
At first I misread it as "my two parents" and thought ...WTF? @.@
perdix 29
So, you literally are a.... *Lowers sunglasses* fuckhead.
Nilorak 24
I read that as parents too.
jay2bird776 6
Adds a new definition to giving head ;)
epiphone123 12
So they were head banging?
rainbowlove272 5
Hate to burst your bubble, OP, but birds don't have sex. The female lays her eggs, much like a female period, and the male fertilizes the eggs. Birds don't have sexual organs. Good try though.
love_me_electric 20
How the hell would a male bird fertilize the egg once it's outside the female's body, it has a shell on it. And how would birds reproduce if they didn't have sexual organs? Common sense isn't so common these days it seems.
Melly8 6
I wish to respectfully disagree. All animals have sexual organs, even worms. Also, birds reproduce sexually. The male balances on top of the female, who moves her tail aside, and the male will release his sperm into the females cloaca, through his own cloaca. The cloaca is, basically, an all-purpose hole. Birds use it for mating, laying eggs, and releasing waste. Mating is very brief, but it does happen. I think you might be confusing the reproduction of birds with the reproduction of fish. Fish, at least most fish, lay eggs and these eggs are fertilized when a male releases his sperm over them. Yes, fish have sexual organs, too. If you want to learn more about bird mating: http://birding.about.com/od/Reproduction/a/How-Birds-Mate.htm
LowExpectations 30
At #48, The more you know! And knowing is half the battle, G.I. Joe!
Lizzy500 16
Yes birds do have sex. Birds fertilize the eggs before they're laid. Fish fertilize the eggs after laying
Lili_love 14
why do I always read "parrots" as "parents?" D:
obasi15 1
Does this count as a three-some
sab17_fml 2
...guess they just wanted to give some head?