Love: Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore....

By Sapphirlinda - Netherlands

Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore. I've spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she's pregnant and couldn't herself. I just finished the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39716

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3256

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Love

The smell detective is on the case

Dangling modifier

Season finale

By sheyshey0413 - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46891

You deserved it

6917

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By Piggirl

Today, one day after our 12-year wedding anniversary, which my husband failed to acknowledge, I found a receipt in his pocket for chlamydia testing. We haven't had sex in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4142

You deserved it

962

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By Anonymous - Belgium - Poperinge

Today, my boyfriend broke things off, because he says I have a "horrible, horrible personality" and that I'm only really fuck-buddy material, which is a problem because he wants something long-term. We've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39077

You deserved it

3892

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By AwwChute - United States

Today, I got stuck in my apartment's garbage chute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11987

You deserved it

32639

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By Anonymous

Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5913

You deserved it

867

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By apparentlynotengaged - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my fiancé won't tell people we're engaged because his mother doesn't approve, and he doesn't want to upset her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1737

You deserved it

276

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl

Today, my boyfriend finally answered my Snapchats. He was laying on a bed with purple pillows and sheets. His are gray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2850

You deserved it

226

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By justme - United States - Alliance

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

63697

You deserved it

6023

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By BathroomDweller - United States - Omaha

Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4822

You deserved it

363

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By Anonymous

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

14694

You deserved it

1292

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By anamanaguchi

Today, a 6th grader came up to me and told me I have the smallest breasts in the class. I'm their teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4397

You deserved it

343

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By Pandistoteles - United States

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32338

You deserved it

2706

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By anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I asked a short girl to prom by making a "You must be this tall to say no" sign. She grabbed a chair, stood on it, and then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12854

You deserved it

30158

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out about my severe phobia of moths. It's so bad that I sometimes pass out. He caught a moth in a jar, and put it on my bedside table. I woke up, saw it, and had a panic attack. He recorded it all and wants to upload it to YouTube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40980

You deserved it

5342

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By Anonymous - Finland - Vanda

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because of a tattoo I have. It's a small teddy bear on my leg with my parents' names on it. My workplace has no problems with tattoos, but my boss said it was "unoriginal and lame." It's a memorial tattoo; my parents died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54846

You deserved it

3467

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By Flyboy - United States

Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38748

You deserved it

4371

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the dentist and found out I still have a wisdom tooth. I got all four out last summer... or at least I thought I did. Now I have to go back and get it removed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3244

You deserved it

181

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By fuck you dad - Ireland - Carrickmacross

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23461

You deserved it

55396

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By Headless - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33608

You deserved it

8951

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By EmBAREassed - United States

Today, I was walking around Walmart feeling pretty good about myself as I received numerous looks from guys in passing. All of a sudden a man approached me to tell me that my dress was extremely see-through. And, since I was wearing a thong, he and everyone else could totally see my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14450

You deserved it

60181

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By Whoops - United States

Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34624

You deserved it

4514

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By ihatemylife - United States - Naperville

Today, at 24, I still can't grow a single bit of facial hair. Well, at least not on the right side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30295

You deserved it

2404

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By dammit_ - Canada

Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they were hugging. I asked, "What's up lovebirds?" Turns out they were in the middle of a breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43047

You deserved it

10207

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By JackG - United States

Today, while at McDonald's, I saw an 8 year old girl licking a life-size Ronald McDonald sitting on a bench. Being concerned, I told her mother who then yelled at me for 10 minutes for being a "paedophile" and "being turned on by an 8 year old girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31917

You deserved it

3025

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By Heartbroken - Australia

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole that dumped me last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25255

You deserved it

5593

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By djl - Canada - Beaumont

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43909

You deserved it

15295

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By the girl next door - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64703

You deserved it

5055

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By FoxyManicLiar - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35310

You deserved it

3167

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By Eskyew - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43566

You deserved it

8975

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I went to a huge party. My ex boyfriend was there who I still have feelings for, so I decided to make him jealous by making out with the really drunk guy next to me. While we were making out, he threw up in my mouth and all over me. Everybody found it hysterical including my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17720

You deserved it

95211

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, sending blood down my horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32602

You deserved it

4141

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20159

You deserved it

3511

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By Just keep the pins - Sweden - Floda

Today, it's been 2 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. He's been texting me every time he found a bobby pin at his house that belonged to me, saying we should both see it as a sign of us belonging together. If he keeps this up every time he finds one, the texts will probably never stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7993

You deserved it

839

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By Anonymous - United States - Mckinney

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said "Mommy, why doesn't anyone wanna marry you?" I've been asking myself the same question for all too many years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20846

You deserved it

1950

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By annoymous - Australia - Glenroy

Today, it was the first time I was meeting my guy's parents. Turns out he forgot it was his mum's birthday and I ended up having to meet his whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6586

You deserved it

714

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By Anonymous - United States

Reasonable

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58950

You deserved it

4371

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By OneGirlsLife - United States - Spartanburg

Today, it was supposed to be my birthday dinner with two of my friends. They're both now bringing their boyfriends, so I get to be the fifth wheel to my own birthday dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4814

You deserved it

358

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By proudparent - Canada

Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27329

You deserved it

6668

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By Vinny1017 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father if I could marry his daughter. He smiled, shook my hand, and said "No, now get out of my house." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45330

You deserved it

4818

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By CJ. - 5/5/2021 14:01 - Canada - Montr?al

Dream baby dream

Today, I had to babysit a 9 year-old girl. I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours and fell half-asleep while sitting on her couch for two minutes. She asked me something, but I thought it was a dream and answered with, "Your mom's a hoe." When I woke up, I realized I'd said it out loud instead of in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

314

You deserved it

1033

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Top comments

By palatapus | 0

#1062003 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Doesn't sound like a friend to me.

By canadaxkid | 0

#1061998 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Aww, REVENGE

COMMENTS

By canadaxkid | 0

#1061998 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Aww, REVENGE

eeeeeeee | 5

#1062010 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:05

Maybe you did a shit job -- ever think of that?

canadaxkid | 0

#1062017 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:06

You make a good point #6

Ali_Br_fml | 33

#1062022 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:07

I smell someone being USED!!!

Miss_Represented | 0

#1062034 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:11

What a biatch. What you did was a nice gesture, bad or not she should show some appreciation.

ZoroFresh | 0

#1062061 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:25

fire can solve your problem

ZoroFresh | 0

#1062070 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:27

on a serious note: now you know she's a bitch that you shouldn't be fuckin with

Remo_Rockin | 0

#1062090 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:35

beat her future child with a bat while shes still pregnant... it'll teach her AND future generations your the one that's CRAZY

Nena713 | 0

#1062099 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:37

TP and egg her house. Also, paint "bitch" somewhere on the outside of her house. 

epiccarrot | 0

#1062122 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:48

lol pregnacy mood swing.

Chickenfoot117 | 6

#1062178 - Sunday 4 July 2010 10:09

Maybe she just wanted to say, "Get the hell off my lawn!" I know I want to say that.

torontobuds | 0

#1062236 - Sunday 4 July 2010 10:46

27 that was funny

sparky1079 | 2

#1062326 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:52

I agree with 10 - I'd be taking her off the 'friends' list.

andruha1123 | 5

#1062357 - Sunday 4 July 2010 12:05

smear shit on her walls.... baby green works best

7mood75 | 7

#1062446 - Sunday 4 July 2010 13:12

Agree with 20.

Sapphirlinda | 4

#1062548 - Sunday 4 July 2010 15:08

No, didn't do a shit job!

sukhdeep | 4

#1062770 - Sunday 4 July 2010 16:52

good point 6 lol yep

6969awesome | 0

#1062865 - Sunday 4 July 2010 17:31

charge her extra for the job and start smoking around her

stewpididiot | 11

#1063117 - Sunday 4 July 2010 19:03

did she catch you sniffing her laundry ?

TurboTalon | 0

#1063279 - Sunday 4 July 2010 20:36

31 is right.. pregnant bitches be crazy!

ladiesman14 | 0

#1063348 - Sunday 4 July 2010 21:37

bitch ! emo women like that always have miscarriages. hope she does.

xBangOut | 4

#1064382 - Monday 5 July 2010 9:25

FALCON PUNCH!

By te_amo_ily | 0

#1062001 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

whyy would she say thaat

Brownstranger19 | 0

#1062028 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:09

you probaby slept with her husband. she's not telling the full story.

OwNowBrownCow | 0

#1062038 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:15

Usually, OPs try to make it seem like they did nothing wrong.

Ctwebsyter | 0

#1062150 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:57

I was thinking the same thing hsha

krisfersays | 0

#1062300 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:38

Why the hell do teenagers double random letters now? Thiss looks sso sstupiid. Are you hissing?!

cchevy | 0

#1062519 - Sunday 4 July 2010 14:40

wow you're super cute #2

Tasanasanta | 0

#1062847 - Sunday 4 July 2010 17:26

It's a way of trying to type like you woukd talk. Like drawing out certain letters in a word.... or it's a typo. Who can tell?

RachelBerry_fml | 5

#1104724 - Sunday 18 July 2010 3:34

47- Itt Roxx !

By palatapus | 0

#1062003 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Doesn't sound like a friend to me.

Randen_fml | 0

#1483949 - Saturday 2 October 2010 3:54

Used. Don't be so pathetic next time.

22cute | 17

#3373647 - Saturday 1 October 2011 17:16

Sounds like you left out a BIG chunk of information. Like what you said or did to make her abandon your friendship.

By djaeb2001 | 3

#1062005 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:04

what a bitch!

By pawpaw_fml | 0

#1062007 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:05

Does she have stairs because I suggest you promptly boot her ass down them.

By its_tuesday | 6

#1062013 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:05

ouch.

megamandude455 | 10

#1062135 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:53

ARE THOSE PIERCINGS REAL????!!! HOLY HELL! that mustve hurt lika bitch

Remo_Rockin | 0

#1062304 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:38

HOLY SHIT DUDE!!!!!! where the heck has 32 been? it's 2010 the dimples and numerous lip piercings are quite generic nowadays. even the preppy ones are doin it in some places!!!!!

redbluegreen | 40

#1062341 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:56

Yeah, really. They don't hurt too badly though. It all depends on your tolerance for pain.

ndizzle | 0

#1063375 - Sunday 4 July 2010 22:07

Permanent facial scarring FTW!

By sloop_fml | 0

#1062019 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:07

you must be a shitty painter

By green_eyes124 | 0

#1062024 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:07

eh, pregnant women are just moody, but for good reasons! just give her a few days and shell call you bawling and just needing someone to talk to hehe if not, then she's a horrible "friend" : )