Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore....

By Sapphirlinda - Netherlands

Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore. I've spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she's pregnant and couldn't herself. I just finished the job. FML

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39701

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3254

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Love

Understandable

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Dangling modifier

By jodafish - Canada

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35460

You deserved it

2686

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By catguy - United States

Today, and for quite some time, my girlfriend has been telling me that she needs to go home each night to take care of her cat. Taking care of her cat is, it seems, an euphemism for having it off with her neighbor Tom since her cat died three months ago. FML

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48530

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3777

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By tmi4me - United States

Today, my boss admitted she's having an affair. She's married to my brother. FML

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32210

You deserved it

2055

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By jimmyt420 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30484

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the AC broke in the kitchen of the restaurant I work at. Temperatures reached over 100 degrees and one of my coworkers nearly passed out. Our boss accused us of being "dramatic" and only let us step out after I collapsed. I need this job too badly to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25918

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom decided to wake me up by pouring ice cold water on my face. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24016

You deserved it

4427

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By wowohwow - United States

Today, I got all dressed up to go on a date with a guy. Upon getting to my house to pick me up, he told me he'd forgot to put on mascara, and asked if he could borrow some. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41070

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Mansfield

Today, I fell down the stairs with a cup of coffee. It gave me burns on my arm and I sprained my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1524

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54335

You deserved it

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By bman - Australia - Sydney

Today, I caught myself staring at my grandmother's cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11902

You deserved it

50028

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45383

You deserved it

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By McSlave - Australia - Cammeray

Today, a customer tried to order a Zinger burger. I tried to explain that he was at McDonalds and that the Zinger is a KFC burger. He accused me of lying to him and tried to report me to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32840

You deserved it

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By mikki_arlert - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10297

You deserved it

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By mybossisanass - United States

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71943

You deserved it

4673

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By kittykat033 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41783

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23291

You deserved it

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By Wtf

Today, my estranged, psycho ex called me ten times and left belligerent messages because I didn't send him anything for his birthday yesterday like I used to. This is the same man who never gave me a birthday gift, text, or even a Happy Birthday wish during our 7 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4594

You deserved it

399

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By WELLFUCKYOUTOO - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28132

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56226

You deserved it

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By J - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33022

You deserved it

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By neverakid - United States

Today, I surprised my daughter by telling her that I'm going to treat the family to a trip to the Himalayas in a few months. She promptly threw a tantrum and listed her main reasons for not wanting us to go: "It's a freaking desert there," and, "I'll miss the new Spiderman movie." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27963

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was chatting with the girl of my dreams, a real heart-to-heart. Everything was going great, and I asked her if she'd like to get coffee together sometime. She immediately backed away and excused herself, mumbling something about not dating left-handed people. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks

35283

You deserved it

2676

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By kelscait - United States

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21931

You deserved it

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By ash - United States - Winnebago

Today, I went shopping on my only day off. The only aisle open was self-checkout. I'm a cashier. FML

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12888

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By ashleyramsay - Canada

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57510

You deserved it

11716

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By almostmugged - United States

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13985

You deserved it

55043

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By spaghett - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14068

You deserved it

1779

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By HelpMe1 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, my boss told me to fire the unstable, former military, gun nut employee. He's been making death threats to his supervisors. FML

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36141

You deserved it

2929

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By HamHanded

Ham-fisted attempt

Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4536

You deserved it

652

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By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I had two minutes to get to the bus stop which usually takes me eight minutes. I had to catch that bus to be at work at the hospital in time. I was in such a hurry, I didn't have the time to tie my shoe laces. I ran with untied shoe laces. I did end up in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38461

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, between my cats scratching every surface they can find, my boyfriend's snoring, and the dog barking at every slight noise outside, I'm unlikely to ever get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. FML

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23014

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Burnham

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

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58654

You deserved it

3525

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By goodstudent - United States

Today, I left my grandmother's burial to take a midterm. Earlier I e-mailed the professor to ask permission to take it later, and she flat out said "no." I left my grieving family, and traveled hours back to school. I went to class, only to discover that the prof decided to move the exam date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61680

You deserved it

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By yogapants - Switzerland

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29161

You deserved it

14792

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37589

You deserved it

3606

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35790

You deserved it

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By sneezeattack - United States - Aurora

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

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30867

You deserved it

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By fuauntflo - 7/7/2020 17:01

Thanks, I'm cured!

Today, I went to the ER because of an intensely heavy flow. They kept me waiting so long that, although I was wearing a super absorbent tampon and a pad, I still bled through three times. When I was finally seen, the doctor said, "Try using a higher absorbency and follow up with your regular physician." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1893

You deserved it

156

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By Al - Australia - Turramurra

Today, I walked into pawn shop and found a nice laptop which I inspected after I thought I lost mine months ago. Turns out my ex pawned it after having it at her place all this time. FML

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13229

You deserved it

1231

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By highlandgirl10 - Canada

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

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52967

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Top comments

By palatapus | 0

#1062003 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Doesn't sound like a friend to me.

By canadaxkid | 0

#1061998 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Aww, REVENGE

COMMENTS

By canadaxkid | 0

#1061998 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Aww, REVENGE

eeeeeeee | 5

#1062010 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:05

Maybe you did a shit job -- ever think of that?

canadaxkid | 0

#1062017 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:06

You make a good point #6

Ali_Br_fml | 33

#1062022 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:07

I smell someone being USED!!!

Miss_Represented | 0

#1062034 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:11

What a biatch. What you did was a nice gesture, bad or not she should show some appreciation.

ZoroFresh | 0

#1062061 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:25

fire can solve your problem

ZoroFresh | 0

#1062070 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:27

on a serious note: now you know she's a bitch that you shouldn't be fuckin with

Remo_Rockin | 0

#1062090 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:35

beat her future child with a bat while shes still pregnant... it'll teach her AND future generations your the one that's CRAZY

Nena713 | 0

#1062099 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:37

TP and egg her house. Also, paint "bitch" somewhere on the outside of her house. 

epiccarrot | 0

#1062122 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:48

lol pregnacy mood swing.

Chickenfoot117 | 6

#1062178 - Sunday 4 July 2010 10:09

Maybe she just wanted to say, "Get the hell off my lawn!" I know I want to say that.

torontobuds | 0

#1062236 - Sunday 4 July 2010 10:46

27 that was funny

sparky1079 | 2

#1062326 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:52

I agree with 10 - I'd be taking her off the 'friends' list.

andruha1123 | 5

#1062357 - Sunday 4 July 2010 12:05

smear shit on her walls.... baby green works best

7mood75 | 7

#1062446 - Sunday 4 July 2010 13:12

Agree with 20.

Sapphirlinda | 4

#1062548 - Sunday 4 July 2010 15:08

No, didn't do a shit job!

sukhdeep | 4

#1062770 - Sunday 4 July 2010 16:52

good point 6 lol yep

6969awesome | 0

#1062865 - Sunday 4 July 2010 17:31

charge her extra for the job and start smoking around her

stewpididiot | 11

#1063117 - Sunday 4 July 2010 19:03

did she catch you sniffing her laundry ?

TurboTalon | 0

#1063279 - Sunday 4 July 2010 20:36

31 is right.. pregnant bitches be crazy!

ladiesman14 | 0

#1063348 - Sunday 4 July 2010 21:37

bitch ! emo women like that always have miscarriages. hope she does.

xBangOut | 4

#1064382 - Monday 5 July 2010 9:25

FALCON PUNCH!

By te_amo_ily | 0

#1062001 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

whyy would she say thaat

Brownstranger19 | 0

#1062028 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:09

you probaby slept with her husband. she's not telling the full story.

OwNowBrownCow | 0

#1062038 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:15

Usually, OPs try to make it seem like they did nothing wrong.

Ctwebsyter | 0

#1062150 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:57

I was thinking the same thing hsha

krisfersays | 0

#1062300 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:38

Why the hell do teenagers double random letters now? Thiss looks sso sstupiid. Are you hissing?!

cchevy | 0

#1062519 - Sunday 4 July 2010 14:40

wow you're super cute #2

Tasanasanta | 0

#1062847 - Sunday 4 July 2010 17:26

It's a way of trying to type like you woukd talk. Like drawing out certain letters in a word.... or it's a typo. Who can tell?

RachelBerry_fml | 5

#1104724 - Sunday 18 July 2010 3:34

47- Itt Roxx !

By palatapus | 0

#1062003 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Doesn't sound like a friend to me.

Randen_fml | 0

#1483949 - Saturday 2 October 2010 3:54

Used. Don't be so pathetic next time.

22cute | 17

#3373647 - Saturday 1 October 2011 17:16

Sounds like you left out a BIG chunk of information. Like what you said or did to make her abandon your friendship.

By djaeb2001 | 3

#1062005 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:04

what a bitch!

By pawpaw_fml | 0

#1062007 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:05

Does she have stairs because I suggest you promptly boot her ass down them.

By its_tuesday | 6

#1062013 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:05

ouch.

megamandude455 | 10

#1062135 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:53

ARE THOSE PIERCINGS REAL????!!! HOLY HELL! that mustve hurt lika bitch

Remo_Rockin | 0

#1062304 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:38

HOLY SHIT DUDE!!!!!! where the heck has 32 been? it's 2010 the dimples and numerous lip piercings are quite generic nowadays. even the preppy ones are doin it in some places!!!!!

redbluegreen | 40

#1062341 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:56

Yeah, really. They don't hurt too badly though. It all depends on your tolerance for pain.

ndizzle | 0

#1063375 - Sunday 4 July 2010 22:07

Permanent facial scarring FTW!

By sloop_fml | 0

#1062019 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:07

you must be a shitty painter

By green_eyes124 | 0

#1062024 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:07

eh, pregnant women are just moody, but for good reasons! just give her a few days and shell call you bawling and just needing someone to talk to hehe if not, then she's a horrible "friend" : )