Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore....

By Sapphirlinda - 3/7/2010 23:25 - Netherlands

Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore. I've spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she's pregnant and couldn't herself. I just finished the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39679

You deserved it

3251

Favorite

Love

Family values

Instadrama

Does it taste good?

By Out of Shape - 16/8/2011 22:09 - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14865

You deserved it

35473

Favorite

By mrs14 - 11/9/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8420

You deserved it

31089

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/8/2012 05:30 - United States

Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25648

You deserved it

5904

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/7/2013 21:44 - United States - Austin

Today, I was removing large shrubs from a house. I heard my co-worker yell something, but I couldn't hear him, so I just pulled the stump out anyway. What I realized too late was that he was telling me that there was a swarm of bees living behind the stump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43399

You deserved it

11925

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/9/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I was looking at my wedding photos. The photographer moved onto the "candid" shots and thought it would be cute to have pics of us making out at the reception. I have blonde hair. The girl in the picture did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55198

You deserved it

3037

Favorite

By Now What - 8/9/2016 17:04 - United States - South Otselic

Today, my boyfriend told me he only loves me sometimes. He explained what days he chooses to love me and what days he doesn't want to. I told him that's not how it works. He disagreed. He's 27. He still doesn't understand why this is a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13712

You deserved it

1285

Favorite

By grossew - 26/6/2019 07:00

Today, my farm dog and I are spending the weekend in an urban area. She won't poop on concrete, so I directed her to a nice two-foot tall grassy median. As she vaulted up onto the median, two turds shot out of her ass and plopped right on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1424

You deserved it

283

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 19:22 - Chile

Today, I finally quit my job after talking with a friend about making our own design/multimedia company. While I was on my way to his house, he called me and told me not to quit because he got an awesome job offer and couldn't refuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29973

You deserved it

7870

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/7/2012 10:54 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31460

You deserved it

13780

Favorite

By jessiegirl - 22/8/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44945

You deserved it

6440

Favorite

By icefly - 29/7/2016 15:39 - United States - Orlando

Today, I've owned my dream car for 11 days. Someone backed into it while it parked at work, and drove away without leaving a note. A man at a nearby business knows who did it but won't tell me because it was one of his customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16290

You deserved it

1060

Favorite

By Jpev - 12/5/2016 01:09 - United States - Huntsville

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking back to my car after a long day of work. A large SUV had parked next to mine, so I jokingly said to my girlfriend, "What do you think they're compensating for?" That's when the couple behind us unlocked their vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9962

You deserved it

4212

Favorite

By Cooper491 - 15/9/2011 21:22 - Australia

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7207

You deserved it

60587

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 19:51 - South Africa

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61679

You deserved it

3095

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/8/2014 15:30 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46392

You deserved it

4311

Favorite

By Ldp56 - 25/2/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32918

You deserved it

4563

Favorite

By Sierra Madre - 20/10/2019 04:00

Time for an intervention

Today, I got yelled at all day at work, only to come home and get yelled at by my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1594

You deserved it

149

Favorite

By CarouselHeart - 18/5/2016 20:09 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12288

You deserved it

1243

Favorite

By mrtoolate - 19/6/2016 08:58 - India - Pune

Today, after a lifetime of being single, my parents finally found me a nice, intelligent, pretty girl. I was really excited, until she backed out on me when she found out our star signs don't match. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14773

You deserved it

1677

Favorite

By apparentlythereisnokarma - 1/1/2013 21:00 - Canada - Didsbury

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57577

You deserved it

4541

Favorite

By CollegeBound - 17/8/2012 19:55 - United States - Tully

Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24162

You deserved it

2340

Favorite

By doubleds - 3/6/2009 19:39 - Canada

Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68874

You deserved it

5609

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/3/2016 15:34 - United States - Pomona

Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20089

You deserved it

2540

Favorite

By Chops - 9/3/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

99560

You deserved it

4389

Favorite

By Anstice - 5/10/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39520

You deserved it

15421

Favorite

By Cowan - 6/8/2009 12:27 - Belgium

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23789

You deserved it

125035

Favorite

By Username - 28/1/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I was in a Zumba class with a young woman in her 20s and an older woman in her 80s. I couldn't keep up with either one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24014

You deserved it

6755

Favorite

By Ouch - 21/10/2009 21:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13019

You deserved it

32153

Favorite

By CollegeKid - 27/10/2015 10:28 - United States - Urbana

Today, I found out all six classes I'm taking have finals on the same day. This is my first semester in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26131

You deserved it

2314

Favorite

By fucked - 6/2/2015 08:06 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21973

You deserved it

40331

Favorite

By foreveralone - 13/11/2012 10:23 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8841

You deserved it

34192

Favorite

By thanks gramps - 19/4/2013 07:27 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52668

You deserved it

9788

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/12/2019 01:00

Tasting a lot at high school

Today, an old friend showed me pictures proving that my high school sweetheart, who is now my wife, was the school slut who would give anyone a blowjob in the toilets for a fiver. So basically every time I kissed her in high school, I was tonguing another guys cum. I feel physically sick right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2579

You deserved it

448

Favorite

By college student - 23/4/2017 10:00 - United States - College Park

Today, at 12, I went for a run across campus.‬ Why? I'd realized my 12:30 exam was actually at 12.‬ ‪FML

I agree, your life sucks

3369

You deserved it

1345

Favorite

By beccav23 - 25/10/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36187

You deserved it

7449

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/7/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38833

You deserved it

8917

Favorite

By D: - 6/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50276

You deserved it

3872

Favorite

By APRRECIATION - 24/5/2009 06:46 - Canada

Today, I got back from a service trip to Kenya, where I had no running water or electricity. I encouraged my friends to go green and help raise awareness by conserving as much electricity as possible. I return home to find that all my lights have been on for 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16400

You deserved it

63890

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/3/2013 01:19 - France - Thionville

Today, my grandson visited me, and asked if I had any pictures of myself from when I was a little girl. I happily looked for a few photos to give him, asking what had piqued his curiosity. He replied that he wanted some for a presentation he's doing on the Middle Ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37326

You deserved it

3089

Favorite

By Holls - 12/4/2012 13:47 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I met a guy while out with some friends. He kept blowing up his cheeks, so I did it back to him and asked him why he did it. He pulled out a card from his wallet and pointed at it. It was a card saying he may have speech or facial difficulties because he had a stroke when he was 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27735

You deserved it

14091

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By palatapus | 0

#1062003 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Doesn't sound like a friend to me.

By canadaxkid | 0

#1061998 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Aww, REVENGE

COMMENTS

By canadaxkid | 0

#1061998 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Aww, REVENGE

eeeeeeee | 5

#1062010 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:05

Maybe you did a shit job -- ever think of that?

canadaxkid | 0

#1062017 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:06

You make a good point #6

Ali_Br_fml | 33

#1062022 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:07

I smell someone being USED!!!

Miss_Represented | 0

#1062034 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:11

What a biatch. What you did was a nice gesture, bad or not she should show some appreciation.

ZoroFresh | 0

#1062061 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:25

fire can solve your problem

ZoroFresh | 0

#1062070 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:27

on a serious note: now you know she's a bitch that you shouldn't be fuckin with

Remo_Rockin | 0

#1062090 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:35

beat her future child with a bat while shes still pregnant... it'll teach her AND future generations your the one that's CRAZY

Nena713 | 0

#1062099 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:37

TP and egg her house. Also, paint "bitch" somewhere on the outside of her house. 

epiccarrot | 0

#1062122 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:48

lol pregnacy mood swing.

Chickenfoot117 | 6

#1062178 - Sunday 4 July 2010 10:09

Maybe she just wanted to say, "Get the hell off my lawn!" I know I want to say that.

torontobuds | 0

#1062236 - Sunday 4 July 2010 10:46

27 that was funny

sparky1079 | 2

#1062326 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:52

I agree with 10 - I'd be taking her off the 'friends' list.

andruha1123 | 5

#1062357 - Sunday 4 July 2010 12:05

smear shit on her walls.... baby green works best

7mood75 | 7

#1062446 - Sunday 4 July 2010 13:12

Agree with 20.

Sapphirlinda | 4

#1062548 - Sunday 4 July 2010 15:08

No, didn't do a shit job!

sukhdeep | 4

#1062770 - Sunday 4 July 2010 16:52

good point 6 lol yep

6969awesome | 0

#1062865 - Sunday 4 July 2010 17:31

charge her extra for the job and start smoking around her

stewpididiot | 11

#1063117 - Sunday 4 July 2010 19:03

did she catch you sniffing her laundry ?

TurboTalon | 0

#1063279 - Sunday 4 July 2010 20:36

31 is right.. pregnant bitches be crazy!

ladiesman14 | 0

#1063348 - Sunday 4 July 2010 21:37

bitch ! emo women like that always have miscarriages. hope she does.

xBangOut | 4

#1064382 - Monday 5 July 2010 9:25

FALCON PUNCH!

By te_amo_ily | 0

#1062001 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

whyy would she say thaat

Brownstranger19 | 0

#1062028 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:09

you probaby slept with her husband. she's not telling the full story.

OwNowBrownCow | 0

#1062038 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:15

Usually, OPs try to make it seem like they did nothing wrong.

Ctwebsyter | 0

#1062150 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:57

I was thinking the same thing hsha

krisfersays | 0

#1062300 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:38

Why the hell do teenagers double random letters now? Thiss looks sso sstupiid. Are you hissing?!

cchevy | 0

#1062519 - Sunday 4 July 2010 14:40

wow you're super cute #2

Tasanasanta | 0

#1062847 - Sunday 4 July 2010 17:26

It's a way of trying to type like you woukd talk. Like drawing out certain letters in a word.... or it's a typo. Who can tell?

RachelBerry_fml | 5

#1104724 - Sunday 18 July 2010 3:34

47- Itt Roxx !

By palatapus | 0

#1062003 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:03

Doesn't sound like a friend to me.

Randen_fml | 0

#1483949 - Saturday 2 October 2010 3:54

Used. Don't be so pathetic next time.

22cute | 17

#3373647 - Saturday 1 October 2011 17:16

Sounds like you left out a BIG chunk of information. Like what you said or did to make her abandon your friendship.

By djaeb2001 | 3

#1062005 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:04

what a bitch!

By pawpaw_fml | 0

#1062007 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:05

Does she have stairs because I suggest you promptly boot her ass down them.

By its_tuesday | 6

#1062013 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:05

ouch.

megamandude455 | 10

#1062135 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:53

ARE THOSE PIERCINGS REAL????!!! HOLY HELL! that mustve hurt lika bitch

Remo_Rockin | 0

#1062304 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:38

HOLY SHIT DUDE!!!!!! where the heck has 32 been? it's 2010 the dimples and numerous lip piercings are quite generic nowadays. even the preppy ones are doin it in some places!!!!!

redbluegreen | 40

#1062341 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:56

Yeah, really. They don't hurt too badly though. It all depends on your tolerance for pain.

ndizzle | 0

#1063375 - Sunday 4 July 2010 22:07

Permanent facial scarring FTW!

By sloop_fml | 0

#1062019 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:07

you must be a shitty painter

By green_eyes124 | 0

#1062024 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:07

eh, pregnant women are just moody, but for good reasons! just give her a few days and shell call you bawling and just needing someone to talk to hehe if not, then she's a horrible "friend" : )