Work: Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping...

By jack - 28/02/2011 05:43

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 728

You deserved it 2 501

Work

Assumptions part 27674

Real housewives

In shape

By Anonymous - 01/03/2014 08:30 - Australia

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 481

You deserved it 44 084

By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 08:03 - United States

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, "Why do the fat chicks always want me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 364

You deserved it 8 826

Built to last

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 11:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me only two weeks after he moved into my place, because his massive German shepherd keeps running scared from my cat. Apparently, I ruined his dog by letting my cat be dominant to him, and it’s all my fault his dog is a wuss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 05/01/2014 01:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 131

You deserved it 6 983

By Atheist - 22/03/2012 04:56 - United States - Portland

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 529

You deserved it 5 608

By Muffinhater - 24/12/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I awoke at 5am to the smell of smoke and the sound of sirens. It seems the whole Santa Monica Fire Department had made it outside our apartment complex. We had to wake up every single person on our floor. What for? An old lady burned a muffin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 280

You deserved it 2 421

By GarageSallin - 07/02/2013 15:24

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 394

You deserved it 3 870

By honeybunny90 - 28/12/2013 08:23 - United States - Richmond

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 431

You deserved it 5 862

Send message

By Tristan - 30/07/2020 02:01

Today, while messaging a possible new hire to set up an interview at my retail job, I meant to say, "Thank you for being flexible" - in regards to scheduling. Instead, it autocorrected to, "Thank you for being delicious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 313

By LizP40 - 27/08/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 844

You deserved it 9 365

Needs more training

By catlady'sdaughter - 03/07/2020 17:01

Today, my mom read online you could train cats to relieve themselves in the toilet. Without reading any further, she took away the litter tray. My house reeks of cat piss and shit, and she still refuses to give the cat its litter tray back, insisting it'll work eventually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 23/06/2013 06:55 - United States - Evansville

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 757

You deserved it 4 868

By shitberries - 25/12/2015 16:00 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, I tried dying my hair blonde. I put my hair in a bun and waited for it to dye. I guess I did something wrong, because my hair is now 4 different shades of blonde/orange, along with patches of my natural black hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 058

You deserved it 11 907

By quickfingers100 - 22/05/2011 09:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 293

You deserved it 4 227

By never thought I'd say that - 22/08/2013 19:05 - Norway - Stavanger

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 657

You deserved it 2 826

Bored

By POP-o-popo - 04/02/2021 17:01

Today, school finally opened up using a hybrid schedule. Unfortunately, two of my teachers were quarantined and half of the school was on Zoom. I spent two hours in the library doing nothing with a mask on. Everyone else was on Zoom in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 102

Password issues

By Anonymous - 27/03/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 936

You deserved it 77 053

By Atletic - 30/11/2012 07:30 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 013

You deserved it 1 762

By w00tz - 27/03/2009 05:12 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said there was someone else, and that he has been in love with her for a while. Turns out, the new girl was his online video game character. I got dumped for a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 643

You deserved it 9 284

By DiiiDiiine - 27/10/2014 14:22 - France - Limoges

Today, I cut myself pretty badly with a knife. I was bleeding quite a lot, so I yelled to my husband to bring me some kitchen roll, along with the first aid kit. He rushed in with the roll… to clean the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 304

You deserved it 3 763

No uggos

By L…… - 18/12/2021 04:59

Today, while chatting with my work friend, our work photographer walked in saying she needed two people for a photo for our company social media. My friend said OK, and without hesitation the photographer said, while side-eyeing me, “Great. I’ll go see who else might be free to be in the picture with you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 93

By mwja - 26/02/2011 22:59 - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 475

You deserved it 3 931

By Soundofaboner - 23/04/2013 16:08 - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 310

You deserved it 10 080

By duncan74 - 10/12/2014 03:23 - France - Balma

Today, my cats found a new game to play. They each sit on either side of the cat flap, and take turns hitting it. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. At 3 am. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 850

You deserved it 4 245

By ugh - 26/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Troy

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 011

You deserved it 3 368

By amber - 19/04/2012 18:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 668

You deserved it 4 755

By Lily - 08/01/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 882

You deserved it 4 551

By mrrichkid - 06/03/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 948

You deserved it 3 683

By Anonymous - 23/07/2014 00:43 - Norway - Bergen

Today, I got in a minor car accident because my mom had to check how many likes her last photo on Instagram had while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 689

You deserved it 3 940

By goodbyediet - 30/01/2015 11:00 - United Kingdom - Accrington

Today, I bought a small tub of coconut pieces in a bid to eat healthier snacks at work. I noticed that the chunks were a bit slimy, but thought nothing of it and kept eating. It wasn't until I reached the final few pieces that I noticed a huge black slug crawling across the bottom of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 641

You deserved it 5 704

Age difference

By Anonymous - 02/07/2021 10:01 - United States - Brunswick

Today, I took my newborn son to his one week weight check appointment. The pediatrician said, “OK, and he’s here today with his mom and big brother?” He thought my husband, who is 21 months older than me, was my son. How old do I look? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 23:02 - United States

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 070

You deserved it 6 600

By jacey chreyest - 14/02/2014 21:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 629

You deserved it 4 991

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 13:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 156

You deserved it 51 555

By Werner - 02/03/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 637

You deserved it 67 378

By polish_chik - 01/09/2009 04:00 - Canada

Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 244

You deserved it 38 735

By kat9232000 - 19/06/2009 04:04 - Canada

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 805

You deserved it 110 363

By f*ck - 02/05/2012 16:22 - United States

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 284

You deserved it 97 904

By grandson of a p.o.s. - 14/03/2013 22:04 - United States - Somers

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 080

You deserved it 2 953

By Username - 01/12/2010 03:39

Today, a customer at the store I work at asked me what kind of cake I would suggest for her husband's 50th birthday. I laughed and showed her the Grim Reaper cake. She burst into tears and explained that he has cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 089

You deserved it 62 188

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Top comments

DocBastard 38

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Monday 28 February 2011 13:45

Sounds like you kneed a shoulder to cry on.

insanesna1l 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:30

drop the desk and go back inside. It's his problem now

andruha1123 5

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:05

his call is more important than your hand

takeapieandrun 9

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:13

Your shoulder was pulled out of it's socket? How is that even possible? The last time I checked my shoulder was connected directly to my skeleton...

WillemCoster 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:30

by different tissues if it was rigidly conected you couldnt move your arm

leeshxx 3

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:34

u need to go back to anatomy classes.

Hanimon 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 13:41

lol that's an epic fail right there

DocBastard 38

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Monday 28 February 2011 13:43

It's called a shoulder dislocation.

vengeance501 8

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Monday 28 February 2011 17:52

why don't you go ask Yahoo Answers. you would fit in perfectly.

IGotServedcouk 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 18:31

Not even being funny but... you've never heard of someone pulling their shoulder out of its socket..? Wow.

emodude44 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 19:55

If the skeleton were all one solid object, it wouldn't move like it does. Anatony dear boy... Oh and don't diss yahoo answers. There are some people who aren't retarded on there. Google can't answer everything.

takeapieandrun 9

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Tuesday 1 March 2011 0:03

I was pointing out that your SHOULDER doesn't get pulled out of it's socket, your ARM does...

doink 0

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Tuesday 1 March 2011 1:58

You failed at being clever.

dusty209 0

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Tuesday 1 March 2011 2:58

I think he needs to work with weights or something cuz he seems really weak

sweetmare 0

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Tuesday 1 March 2011 10:06

gurl what's the secret of picking up girls?

imnutsss 0

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Tuesday 1 March 2011 15:11

Who's the dummay naaooowww?!

mrjohnsonalex 2

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Tuesday 1 March 2011 19:28

How old are you? are u even 13, u have to be 13 to be on fml. how could someone not know that shoulders can dislocate? wow

rykerman33 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 10:26

you can be the worlds strongest man and still dislocate your shoulder.

serioushamster 0

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Thursday 7 April 2011 2:40

Yeh an ARM is dislocated not a shoulder. but I see ops point lol

mylifestinks101 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 22:00

uhh no the shoulder is dislocated

delfino1604 24

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Tuesday 3 February 2015 20:35

you're a moron..

Stupidpeopleanno 5

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:14

Get better, OP. I don't see why he wouldn't help you first.. He's just a meanie!

liljensen 0

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Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:15

exactly wat I wuz thinking 4

AnagenisisZagus 13

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:19

Well, I believe you deserve this for being so selfish as to not understand the complexities of the being before you. Can you not see that Grandma Nunu is more important than your damn shoulder?! Selfish son of a bitch! Have a good day though.

WillemCoster 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:21

Wtf was 75 cent seriously that important that you coudnt let your gf have it if ur that much of an ass YDI

memo619 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:25

I think you got the wrong one buddy

WillemCoster 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:34

ugggg my bad

Mirorbo 26

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:25

OH!! OH!! Oh, that hurts just reading about it!!

flammenhund 4

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Tuesday 1 March 2011 11:28

Tell me about it, happen'd quite a few times to me. :3

jazzy_123 20

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Friday 22 November 2013 7:05

tell me about it! it happened to my knee. Popping it back in was the worst pain I've ever been through!

insanesna1l 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:30

drop the desk and go back inside. It's his problem now

turkeys_hen 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:32

If a customer caused it perhaps this means a few days off? with pay? unless your boss is just as selfish as the customer.

rykerman33 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 10:29

nah he can just mention the word lawsuit and get plenty of time off and workers comp

chrstygrl06 10

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:35

It was probably a booty call and all he could get! Have some sympathy!

techweed 12

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Monday 28 February 2011 12:40

r u that selfish?? it might have been a relative dying, or even more importantly, a booty call. it just might have been Rihanna calling to ask oh na na what's my name??