Miscellaneous: Today, my roommate gave me a self-help book on alcoholism for... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 102

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 110

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 41

09/12/2009 05:29

Today, my roommate gave me a self-help book on alcoholism for my birthday. He's an alcoholic. I gave him that book around 8 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 995

You deserved it 5 187

Triage

Batman

One man and his lawn

12/11/2015 16:24

Today, my boyfriend called me at work and said, "I hate to do this over the phone..." I burst into tears, thinking he was going to break up with me. Turns out he only ate my last doughnut. Now my co-workers think I'm a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 498

You deserved it 4 634

14/07/2016 17:11

Today, I was told to rub in my sunscreen because I looked like a ghost. I wasn't wearing any. I'm just that white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 630

You deserved it 1 296

16/02/2009 14:37

Today, I was at work. I work at a grocery store and a woman pulls a cart to me filled with chips, breads, lunch meats, and sodas. I said to her "Looks like you are going to have a fun party" she then looks at me and says "My mother just died, this is for after the funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 839

You deserved it 10 636

23/09/2013 06:15

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 993

You deserved it 3 428

10/03/2010 06:11

Today, I was using a power drill to take down the set for the musical we just finished. My long hair got caught in the drill, got ripped out and now I have a hurting, bleeding bald spot the size of 2 quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 458

You deserved it 14 372

03/08/2009 18:33

Spicy

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 256

You deserved it 6 982

28/10/2016 02:31

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public bathroom. As I was about to put the tampon into the sanitary bin, I dropped it and it rolled under the stall next to mine. It was occupied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 349

You deserved it 1 105

22/10/2013 14:24

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 550

You deserved it 3 196

Time to ditch

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 19:58

Spicy

Today, I'm worried senseless over my mom who's in hospital in an induced coma due to COVID-19, and my boyfriend complains that I don't want to have sex with him as often as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 126

28/07/2014 04:36

Spicy

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 170

You deserved it 4 544

03/10/2010 23:29

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 031

You deserved it 7 769

Shoe gang rise up

By Yasha cohen - 30/11/2020 11:01

Today, right after preparing a gourmet plate of dry-aged steak with freshly cooked mashed potatoes, I stepped on my son's Lego and dropped my plate. I stood there for 5 minutes, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 368

23/10/2009 16:48

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and ipod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 540

You deserved it 3 212

03/08/2016 02:29

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 280

You deserved it 1 510

08/07/2016 07:54

Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 481

You deserved it 1 297

25/07/2011 16:08

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 090

You deserved it 3 556

07/07/2011 14:40

Today, I was propositioned by an incredibly pretty girl. I'm a 24 year old virgin; she's my best mate's girlfriend. She tells him everything when drunk, and he's a black-belt in karate. This could officially be classified as torture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 584

You deserved it 6 311

14/03/2013 06:21

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 812

You deserved it 5 643

How would that work?

By minnie - 23/10/2019 04:00

Today, my fiancée suggested a 'Back To The Future' - themed wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 374

29/06/2016 20:05

Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 821

You deserved it 1 254

Mistaken identity

By Guess I was wrong - 16/03/2020 06:23

Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 365

09/04/2019 10:00

Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 305

02/01/2011 18:22

Today, several family members, including my mum, deleted me from Facebook in a concerted show of contempt. Apparently, I just can't shut up about World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 069

You deserved it 51 457

02/02/2012 08:10

Today, I realized that mixing alcohol with my medication causes me to lose my memory. I went to see my favorite band in concert last night and I can't remember a single song they played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 032

You deserved it 44 427

09/07/2013 23:35

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 194

You deserved it 5 692

05/05/2015 02:03

Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 371

You deserved it 3 077

Genetics

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 17:00

Today, my twin sister gave birth and somehow now weighs less than before she was pregnant. She also has huge boobs now and not a stretch mark in sight. Meanwhile, I’m still carrying an extra 15 pounds, even though I gave birth 5 years ago, and so many stretch marks I look like a fat zebra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 235

08/09/2010 23:13

Today, a little girl asked me how I could be so fat and still have small boobs. Great question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 559

You deserved it 8 127

23/09/2014 12:00

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 028

You deserved it 3 437

03/08/2015 05:31

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 526

You deserved it 2 429

22/11/2016 15:33

Today, I had four separate allergic reactions. The first from the pillow at the hotel I was staying at, the second and third from two separate ice cream parlors due to cross-contamination, and the fourth from peanut dust in the air on the plane ride home from my vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 477

You deserved it 1 047

10/06/2012 19:50

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he had to move away to be with his dad, who's just been diagnosed with cancer. After talking to his sister, I discovered that not only is his dad healthy, he's not moving away either; he's just gotten back with his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 429

You deserved it 2 533

05/06/2012 04:27

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 186

You deserved it 35 933

17/03/2009 03:13

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store and out of no where, a car backing up pretty fast speeds downs the parking lot and hits me, causing me to fall down and drop all of the groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 773

You deserved it 4 651

21/10/2009 06:59

Today, my math teacher decided to use my acne as an example of symmetry in front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 665

You deserved it 4 078

06/03/2012 13:56

Today, I texted my boyfriend, and he pretended he was a Burger King employee who found a lost phone, just so that he wouldn't have to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 231

You deserved it 4 693

05/02/2010 00:47

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 221

You deserved it 3 037

17/01/2015 18:11

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 424

You deserved it 6 295

Major annoyance

By E.B. - 27/06/2014 00:07

Today, I'm a college student working at Dollar Tree. The signs hanging every 10 ft, plastered on every box, every wall, every corner, say "Everything's $1." Someone asked me how much something was, because there was no price tag. This happens multiple times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 886

You deserved it 4 852

22/06/2011 05:35

Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 946

You deserved it 3 914

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Top comments

shaynaxnicole 0

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 21:48

people need to chill. He didn't actually say he got his roommate this for his roommate's birthday. it is kind of assumed, but still, read it through. He might of just been trying to help his friend. your getting mad at a guy, that you don't know, for giving a shit ? think it through.

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 13:12

YDI. If he didn't ask for help with his problem it was probably a pretty offensive gift. At least he's just giving you a bad gift instead of a bad gift with an offensive implication.

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Volcomrox2266 0

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 12:23

lol that sux but guys don'tpike getting that kind of help. but at least you tried:)

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Wednesday 5 May 2010 5:04

hey kid wanna buy some coke... how bout some pepsi... got some real nice dr pepper

waterynuggets 0

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 12:31

..................ZING!

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Wednesday 5 May 2010 5:03

ummm Im third so.... yeah i'm gonna go

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 12:45

YDI for trying to help people that don't want help. Also, self-help books don't work on people that do not consider their problem a problem.

Dr_Pepper_fml 3

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 22:31

Exactly. YDI. Mind your own damn business.

bugmenotmofo 34

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 12:57

Now you know how he felt when you gave him the book he'd originally given you for your birthday last year. "My name's notalcoholic and I'm an alcoholic"

Reality_bites 14

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 13:05

Oh well I guess you can help him with his problem by reading the book.

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 13:12

YDI. If he didn't ask for help with his problem it was probably a pretty offensive gift. At least he's just giving you a bad gift instead of a bad gift with an offensive implication.

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 13:22

wholly agrees!!

SusanaSaysRawrxD 0

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 15:39

I agree. But on the other hand, it's a nice gesture, it shows OP was worried about his roomate. But OP, are you guys friends? Beyond being roommates? If not, it's kind of rude and random to give that kind of a gift.

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Thursday 10 December 2009 6:37

Preach it Twinkle! Also 14 is right, from my experience with college it sounds like you guys are just roommates, not friends. In that case it would just be a dick thing to do to give that book.

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 14:17

take the hint

CFR 0

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 14:43

Haha that kind of reminds me of Leo from That 70s Show. "Shit you gave that to me man? Oh well thank you man, but you can have it, the pages don't make very good rolling papers." I think he was hinting that it was the crappiest gift you could give.

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 14:52

kinda like somthing ron white said. ''Mabie its...me? Mabie im the one with the problems''

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Wednesday 9 December 2009 15:01

YDI. You wouldn't need alcohol if you listened to Clay Aiken. Take the hint from your roomate.