Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML
Today, my mum met my amazing new girlfriend, but later said she'd probably cheat on me. She had correctly foreseen my ex would get pregnant against my will, take the child away, and sue for support, which I didn't believe back then. What should I do now? FML
Today, I was talking to my good friend's girlfriend. She mentioned being afraid of losing her job. Because she was still a teenager, I jokingly said, "Oh, like you're responsible for a whole family!" She is. FML
Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML
Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the, "I know I'm not your mother…" speech. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, my mom came to me, hysterically crying that her boyfriend had hit and choked her. I’d feel bad for her except he’s my ex who also beat me, yet when I turned to my mother for help she decided to take him in instead and get pregnant with his kid. What goes around comes around bitch! FML
Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML
Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I said to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said, "Mommy, I don't want to leave." She wasn't talking to me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
faerieworld 1
Relax. It just means if you hurt the daughter her mother will gouge your eyes out with her sharp beak and talons.
phoenixslayer69 4
Run and hide!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (167)
Enslaved 38
Serves you right, if you were a ****.
perdix 31
I think it means she wants your **** to fertilize her eggs. ****-a-doodle-doo!
jaredofmo 22
She's climbin' in your windows... Nothin' as scary as a mad momma...
godlike1 5
RUN FOREST RUUUN
itsalyssabitch 1
Doesn't sound painful at all! :D
shellzy 20
Goodness she's really protective of her gum isn't she?
Matt1989 3
hhaha. record that shit for records for when you dissapear
lmaoatall 6
Listen foghorn, tell her to stop her damn cackling and lay that egg already and get to the point. If she wants to fight, just remember, you got a bigger pecker than hers. May the best **** win!
lmaoatall 6
Is it just me, or did anybody else just picture Peter fighting that gianyellow chicken on family guy?
tazboi07 0
Ouch it's kinda of a funny threat
DocBastard 40
You have to see this from the mother's point of view. She's just protecting her brood. I will rabidly protect my children to the death once they get old enough to date. I will make it a point to inform all of my daughter's future potential dates that I have a scalpel, lidocaine, and an intimate knowledge of the male anatomy.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Intimate you say? Can you send a video of this?
leadman1989 16
86 - Cool your heels "intimate" doesn't always mean sex.
poppyseed420 9
Hehe me too