Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML
Today, my mum met my amazing new girlfriend, but later said she'd probably cheat on me. She had correctly foreseen my ex would get pregnant against my will, take the child away, and sue for support, which I didn't believe back then. What should I do now? FML
Today, I was talking to my good friend's girlfriend. She mentioned being afraid of losing her job. Because she was still a teenager, I jokingly said, "Oh, like you're responsible for a whole family!" She is. FML
Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML
Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the, "I know I'm not your mother…" speech. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, my mom came to me, hysterically crying that her boyfriend had hit and choked her. I’d feel bad for her except he’s my ex who also beat me, yet when I turned to my mother for help she decided to take him in instead and get pregnant with his kid. What goes around comes around bitch! FML
Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML
Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I said to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said, "Mommy, I don't want to leave." She wasn't talking to me. FML
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Top comments
faerieworld 1
Relax. It just means if you hurt the daughter her mother will gouge your eyes out with her sharp beak and talons.
phoenixslayer69 4
Run and hide!
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Comments (167)
coolstorybro6969 6
That must be code for, I WANT SEX
instnt1nfction 17
Do you speak some chicken language?
TheAftermath 0
Well, don't let momma down.
btown99909 0
she's going to tie you to the radiator and grape you in the mouth!
iliketurdles 7
Must resist urg.. Ahhh **** it. *RAPE! Although if she wants to feed you grapes then that would be amazing.
belkinbra 12
He spelt it like that on purpose.... Go watch "the grapist" on youtube. Silly grammar nazi.
dadof2 4
protect those eggs !!!!
Wheredidgrungego 12
Chickens don't lay eggs with gum inside them!
Enslaved 38
Too bad more people don't understand your joke. (:
lalalaleah4 0
Oh my god! I was waiting for someone to say that! :D
Jimboom 12
Maybe she is going to Egg you? Either that or she is going to go all bunny-boiler on your ass! Either way I would watch your back.
Snowbat4u 10
Talk about a Mamma's Boy
Savra_fml 17
OP, as you said it is now you ex, so your future has nothing to do with her, no? Tell the momma hen to get over it and just cross the road already, bacause the **** has left the chicken coop.
SucksToBeYouBruh 0
Well.. You better be scared.
TheNewGuy03 29
Means you 'bout to get ****** up. |the kid|