Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years thought it would be funny to squat above my head completely naked while I was sleeping. When I woke up, his asshole and ball sack was in my face. FML
Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML
Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
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Top comments
MilanKing 0
you're lucky it was only his nose.
Fish_999 0
haha u enjoyed it really!
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Comments (319)
dkent6251 0
are you sure it was his nose?
phatdaddy62 23
Actually, that's hot!
tantanagirl 4
Today, I read this FML and laughed so hard I cried. I read it allowed to my family and my dad says "And this is how you're spending your evening?" I replied... "I don't even care what you say! That is the funniest thing ever!" XD
Goodlife918975 6
My dog humps my mom you got lucky
LilToonchiii 0
at least he didn't mount you.
blackcatgirl46 21
The dog nose must of been cold! lol
drrdree15 2
That's what I call doggie stylee.
Thozzy 12
Next thing you know, he'll start barking when you're having sex.
suckmysarcasm 10
looks like doggy has a treat for you
KissMyFurryAss 10
Woof :3 welcome to the furry fandom my friend!