Miscellaneous: Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt...

By jace17 - 24/08/2010 08:34 - United States

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 909

You deserved it 6 280

Miscellaneous

Sorry…

BO Central

Tetchy

By mook05 - 21/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 6 months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 298

You deserved it 3 165

By noneofthesex - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 438

You deserved it 12 126

By Meowit - 07/09/2014 03:06 - United States - Livonia

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 578

You deserved it 3 190

By mosaicevolution - 03/01/2015 04:04 - United States - Decatur

Today, after finishing my second glass of wine, I walked out of the bathroom and saw the tag on my hair dryer from last year's rehab visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 184

You deserved it 16 845

By Lasko - 12/08/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, I found out that just because you collapse from dehydration on the sidewalk, it doesn't mean people are going to stop driving to see if you're okay, even if they saw you fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 137

You deserved it 6 901

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 096

You deserved it 17 589

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 20:13 - Belgium

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 376

You deserved it 6 823

By fuck but no fuck - 02/08/2013 19:44 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 979

You deserved it 28 244

By Ape - 17/12/2012 23:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 928

You deserved it 8 636

By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 19:54 - Denmark

Today, I realized that trying to fit in with my crush's social circle by acting like one of the lads was a waste of time. All he does is high-five me all the time and tell me every little detail of his latest one night stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 325

You deserved it 27 827

By hazeblaze - 06/10/2017 23:15

Today, I noticed that my dad's Whatsapp profile picture was a very close up shot of his new wife's boob. None of us know how long he had this online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 055

You deserved it 248

By Pizzaguy - 02/08/2012 16:22 - United States - Dundee

Today, I got a call from my manager saying that I won't need to work this weekend. Too bad I already cancelled a family vacation because he threatened to fire me if I didn't work this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 108

You deserved it 1 757

By Badhusky - 29/08/2018 20:30

Today, I had to carry the dead weight of my 90-pound husky upstairs to the bath because he hates it. He cried the entire time, loudly. He then rolled in the dirt when I let him outside to pee not even an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 707

You deserved it 487

By What a happy day - 14/01/2013 17:36 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 476

You deserved it 3 766

To catch a predator

By not to blame - 07/09/2021 02:01

Today, my boyfriend’s family, whom I’ve known since I was in elementary school, now completely hate and blame me for "ruining their precious baby boy’s life." I'd called the police and reported him after finding out he cheated on me with not one, but several high school girls. We’re in our 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 178

By Mikimiks93 - 02/07/2010 15:05 - South Africa

Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 421

You deserved it 7 878

By thesparrow - 06/02/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 463

You deserved it 2 362

By Jayne - 29/03/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, my professor called me out in the middle of a lecture to ask why I was bleeding. I then had to explain to him, in front of around one hundred of my fellow classmates, that my largest zit had burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 228

You deserved it 2 813

Victim blaming

By whatjusthappened - 06/09/2013 00:46 - United States - Loveland

Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 414

You deserved it 4 627

By alikat - 26/04/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 173

You deserved it 44 475

Mixed messages

By mook - 15/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesn't know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 141

You deserved it 5 662

By Kaluhaluha - 25/08/2018 13:00

Today, I came back from a 700-mile round trip. I hit a massive pothole I couldn't avoid and blew out a tire and bent my rim. I was less than a mile from my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 565

You deserved it 214

By awkwardd - 19/05/2011 12:51 - Hong Kong

Today, I went shopping with my cousin. Walking down the road, I heard her say "Can you hold my hand?" I was confused, but thought it was cute, so I held her hand and kept walking. It turns out she'd asked me to hold her bag. We didn't say another word after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 359

You deserved it 8 043

By angrypetowner - 29/03/2016 03:24 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I tried to train my cat to scratch the scratching post by giving her a treat every time she used it, but she took that as getting a treat every time she scratched something. Now, not only does she scratch all my furniture, but she also meows for a treat while doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 240

You deserved it 4 818

One step forward, two steps back.

By MJF - 24/01/2018 15:00

Today, my boss thanked me for all my hard work and promised me a raise and a promotion. Shortly thereafter, she sent out a memo announcing she'd sold the company. The new owner immediately came in to "restructure." I got demoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 307

You deserved it 229

By knoppad - 13/06/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 813

You deserved it 50 984

By Honey Badger - 08/03/2012 05:47 - United States

Today, I was at a meeting. One of the other members decided to share that their cat had passed away recently. I got an uncontrollable nervous laugh, started crying because I was laughing so hard, and left the room while everyone watched in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 705

You deserved it 23 026

By Anonymous - 27/06/2012 20:01

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 303

You deserved it 2 903

By Anonymous - 26/04/2017 04:00

Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 625

You deserved it 859

By Eww - 05/10/2014 17:48 - United States - Salem

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 956

You deserved it 3 129

By James - 18/12/2012 02:28 - United States

Today, my neighbor installed a large radio that loudly plays Christmas music 24/7. When I called in a complaint to the police department they told me to, "get in the Christmas spirit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 661

You deserved it 11 195

By fatty - 09/06/2009 08:39 - Germany

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 671

You deserved it 49 815

By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 08:54 - United States

Today, I sent my main man a picture of the two of us out on our second date. He immediately added it to his MySpace account, with the caption, "clubbin with my hoe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 369

You deserved it 9 572

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, after much reflection, I realized my "happy childhood" was more like "the years I was oblivious to how much people despised me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 558

You deserved it 2 081

By Shawna - 02/01/2010 01:19 - United States

Today, I got all dressed up for a New Year's party. When my parents and siblings left the house to their parties, I got undressed. I wasn't going to a party. I only got dressed up so my family would think I had plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 320

You deserved it 6 980

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 00:01

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 217

By lonelyhubby - 08/07/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 358

You deserved it 12 039

By lady_jeni - 09/07/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 393

You deserved it 3 223

By willywonks - 21/03/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 164 842

You deserved it 8 273

By Anonymous - 02/12/2015 10:41 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 287

You deserved it 1 613

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Top comments

YakuzaxGeneralz 9

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:05

what gives your parents the right to throw away food in this economy

godlybacon 5

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:09

What the... No way, buy another cake or something. You cannot have a birthday without CAKE

YakuzaxGeneralz 9

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:05

what gives your parents the right to throw away food in this economy

sexyscooter 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:06

thats shitty, i woulda raised hell

STr8_CaLi_d0p3 4

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:09

Ydi for being a fat ass bitch. Jus lay off the fried mayonnaise balls

swimmerstud 7

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:11

and the only people at your party is your aunt and the 2 year old cousin our aunt is babysitting. and does it happen to be your sweet 16?

marinus_fml 19

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:11

fact: you burn more calories eating a celery, than what it gives you.

ey3seecold 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:14

the least they could have done was replace the candles for celery sticks and burn ur fat with the candles. hehe jk sike no im not

heynow00wellthen 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:16

awww =( that's sucks OP. I wouldve given you cake..

dmin67 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:19

fatty

joanjett 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:20

Your parents are a bunch of assholes.

Sportsfan86 3

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:20

FYL for having parents that would do that :(

IphonFML 6

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:32

well not unless OP is fat

the_flirtt 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:36

there just watching ur health

pink_mx_braap 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 17:06

Go buy another cake and eat a slice as you're walking in the door, but make sure it's your last bite oh you should buy a pig snout and tail as well...and if they ask what are you doing just start oniking

bubbarific 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 17:32

lol fatty pants

Mehness 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 18:15

fact: that fact's a myth :)

atticuz 2

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 18:17

Is anyone else tired of the weight-watching FMLs?

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 18:58

Stare at your stomach

ReetLord 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 19:02

Fact: #11 knows nothing about foods effect on the human body.

afdude87 6

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 19:06

maybe ops doing fat camp and cake would ruin the fat camp progress

babyk41896 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 19:12

YDI for not letting the hobo in the park by ur house throw u the party!

Azure_Ebony 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 19:12

I'm not sure what you mean by that, but 11 was actually absolutely right. Your body burns more calories chewing and digesting celery than the amount of calories the celery has. Look it up. Anway, I'm really sorry, OP. That sucks so bad. One slice of cake can't do that much harm, and it's your birthday.

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 19:17

#89 Yup, 11 was right. Pineapple is supposedly the same way, I think because it's so acidic.

ColetteL 4

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 19:43

I hope your aunt kicked your mom's ass. Even if op is overweight - it is his birthday, One day isn't going to make a difference. FYL op- your parents are insensitive.

Neoistheone88 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 19:48

Haha probably I saw that one too

meelmo 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 20:06

LOOOL 51 wins :)

Jafozza 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 20:13

Don't get mad and eat your parents OP :D

aliaysleighbasic 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 20:20

that's awesome

mollysarah 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 20:32

you sir, are an idiot.

labacanitaz 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 21:25

ouch , i thought a membership to jenny craig would be more...appropriate. :p

mollysarah 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 21:42

I SERIOUSLY CANNOT GET OVER HOW GODDAMN STUPID 34 IS

the_flirtt 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 22:18

I was being sarcastic !

jweezy89 4

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 0:40

OP you deserve it. If you weren't a fat piece of shit, you coulda had cake.

xNephilim 18

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 0:42

You're an asshole. I'd suggest you to hide away until you grow some freaking respect.

InfiltratedMind 0

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 1:45

Ydi for calling a birthday cake beautiful

Brittney_E 0

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 6:53

lol 51(: Why would your parents punish the rest of the kids!! D: MONSTERS!!

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 7:27

#128 Cakes can be works of art. Baked goods are my art form!

jweezy89 4

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 11:19

126, I swear I saw you on the news the other night being arrested for being a public eyesore.

shibainu519 0

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Monday 24 January 2011 5:55

nice pic

BloodyButUnbowed 25

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Tuesday 7 August 2018 21:20

I see upvotes, so I'd better point out that "negative calories" are an urban legend. Neither celery nor any other food contains fewer usable calories than are used to eat and digest it. Look up "negative-calorie food" on Wikipedia for an exploration.

marinus_fml 19

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:06

daamn, they coulda cut the slack on ya birthday :-/

IphonFML 6

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 18:27

what happened to the, "it could have been alot worse" comments??

ucofresh 4

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 20:24

I was wondering the same thing.. haven't seen the "could have been a lot worse" in a while now. No complaints from this corner.

LTHoratioCaine 4

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 23:34

It couldve been alot worse... E Coli

yesmanddd 4

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Sunday 22 May 2011 19:19

not if she is fat. Procastination is never the solution to loose weight. If you're fat, why should you be allowed to be unhealthy just because it's you're birthday? Doesn't make any sense to me.

justbemellow 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:07

I bet your aunt was PISSED.

_PAK_G96Unit_ 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:13

lol maybe she was thinking the Same thing

shinxanta 21

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Saturday 1 August 2015 20:04

Yes, because she made that cake because she wanted her to watch her weight, are you retarded?

godlybacon 5

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:09

What the... No way, buy another cake or something. You cannot have a birthday without CAKE

brianjman14 22

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 16:10

^ This.

guckylynn 19

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 17:37

My seven year old cousin is a health freak and wouldn't have cake for his birthday so he had fruits and veggies.

ApacheC424 18

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 18:19

epic fail.

Neoistheone88 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 21:22

Exactly on your bday your supposed to go all out...not diet

Acheron91 13

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:24

Commendable to see in a kid that age. Also in response to an earlier comment, you can have a birthday without cake. I usually opt for pizza considering I have a low sugar tolerance.

foxyhasmybooty 16

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Tuesday 2 December 2014 13:40

Pizzas do work as kinda like birthday cakes just get a cheese one with some spinach or with olives and make it healthy (I should know I'm a vegetarian)