Love: Today, my parents asked me if my girlfriend of two years and...

By bob7654 - 11/11/2016 02:44 - United States - Arlington

Today, my parents asked me if my girlfriend of two years and I wanted to go see a musical with them. I haven't told them that she broke up with me the day after she met them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 185

You deserved it 2 087

Love

Own it

This Charming Man

Walk the line

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 21:00 - United States

Today, I learned that if you're going to tell your mother you are gay, make sure she isn't holding a frying pan filled with hot grease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 804

You deserved it 14 903

By Cats...FML - 17/10/2011 11:46 - Australia

Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 027

You deserved it 3 324

By SLA - 23/03/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 282

You deserved it 32 514

By lalararara - 04/03/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 884

You deserved it 6 751

By Fitz - 05/05/2009 12:22 - United States

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184 585

You deserved it 14 228

By Binkplugged - 05/07/2016 18:01

Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 669

You deserved it 1 793

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 756

You deserved it 5 566

By ugh - 23/01/2016 20:48 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I crashed my car into a bridge, while playing a song with the line, "I crashed my car into a bridge". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 723

You deserved it 5 815

By wtfman101 - 28/08/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 940

You deserved it 2 700

Bit of both

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 16:01 - Australia

Today, at the age of 30, I was diagnosed with both sciatica and ADHD. I don't know whether to feel really old, or really young. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 58

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 695

You deserved it 7 383

By Anonymous - 30/08/2019 16:01

Today, I've been on the verge of throwing up all day. Why? My dog is intolerant to grain, but grain-free dog food causes heart problems so she can't have that. Now our lives are filled with nasty farts and Hershey squirts with no end in sight. It's a rough time for us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 291

By Anonymous - 17/08/2013 19:25 - Thailand - Bang Bua Thong

Today, I realised that I've never been able to successfully cook a meal outside of World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 609

You deserved it 40 404

By not a shitty situation so fuck you - 24/06/2016 22:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 763

You deserved it 758

By ilovemypup - 31/10/2016 11:20

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 829

You deserved it 761

Scribble your name across my heart…

By Jennie - 16/06/2020 08:08

Today, I sent a guy in my English class a rose. He's kind of an outcast, so I though it would be a nice gesture. I asked him later how his day was going and he said, "Good. I got a rose this morning, but I could tell it was from a guy. The handwriting was awful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 312

By Tylerdirdin84 - 28/07/2019 20:00

Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 140

By ohshittttttt - 04/04/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 475

You deserved it 158 194

By Baustigt - 22/08/2013 14:48 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 653

You deserved it 13 794

By run4fun - 23/06/2011 18:56 - United States

Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 823

You deserved it 48 981

By traumatized - 18/06/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 103

You deserved it 3 586

By Jake - 29/04/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 030

You deserved it 6 203

By raerae - 24/04/2009 07:25 - Germany

Today, I received my camera in the mail that my mom sent from home since I forgot it when I moved to Italy. It was wrapped in 4 layers of bubble wrap and packed in foam peanuts to keep it from getting broken. As I was removing the last layer of bubble wrap I dropped it, breaking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 794

You deserved it 48 211

By toomuch - 22/11/2011 09:36 - Australia

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 262

You deserved it 12 843

Irrational

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 11:10 - France - Brunoy

Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 084

You deserved it 1 442

By notsick - 17/03/2019 22:00

Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 070

You deserved it 188

By AllyCat - 07/06/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 990

You deserved it 5 493

By 2ndchoice - 12/12/2009 15:47 - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend wanted to tell me how much he loves me. He said a lot of wonderful things, such as not being able to live without me and hoping that I would want to live with him and marry him someday. He ended his loving speech with his ex-girlfriend's name instead of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 879

You deserved it 2 906

By Darkheaven - 17/11/2008 11:27 - France

Today, I was in an online chatroom speaking to this girl that I really hit it off with. She then confided in me that she'd recently been dumped by her boyfriend and that he was a jerk. A little while later, we exchanged photos. It was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 395

You deserved it 9 427

By Shnur - 05/04/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 611

You deserved it 20 764

Almost there

By Anonymous - 20/06/2020 05:05

Today, I paid 100$ for a trash service to pick up my broken couch. Minutes later, I got an email from someone finally replying to my ad for a free couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 171

By haley - 16/11/2018 14:00

Today, while in a parking lot, I accidentally cut someone off out of pure nervousness as I'm a new driver. I got out of my car to apologize, and they responded by beating me and my car to a pulp with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 454

You deserved it 432

By Icci - 12/12/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, at work I was playing football with one of my camp kids in the indoor-pool. I saw a co-worker walking by and I decided to hit him with the football. The football slipped out of my hand and I hit a lady in the face, breaking her nose, and causing her to fall and get a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 670

You deserved it 37 711

By jellybean_94 - 15/08/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 258

You deserved it 7 342

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 320

You deserved it 66 626

By WishIWasAWriter - 08/09/2011 18:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 310

You deserved it 3 315

By sonofanut - 22/02/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 107

You deserved it 2 401

By minnEmouse - 21/06/2011 02:40 - United States

Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 339

You deserved it 3 234

By Anonymous - 16/09/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 977

You deserved it 19 704

By poopexperttt - 07/09/2012 07:12 - United States

Today, my brother started a new tradition: sending me pictures of every poop he takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 487

You deserved it 2 439

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Top comments

Fernan510 14

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Friday 11 November 2016 19:53

So, you were dating her for two years but she only just met them? Or have you been lying about still having her for two years??

chirstinap325 21

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Friday 11 November 2016 19:57

Maybe you could leave out the "after she met you" part when breaking it to them...

Comments

FalloutScrolls 25

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Friday 11 November 2016 19:50

Hey ma, hey pa... Hate to break it to you...

Fernan510 14

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Friday 11 November 2016 19:53

So, you were dating her for two years but she only just met them? Or have you been lying about still having her for two years??

chirstinap325 21

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Friday 11 November 2016 19:57

Maybe you could leave out the "after she met you" part when breaking it to them...

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 11 November 2016 20:04

I didn't know they made a musical of "Monster-In-Law." You should sing the news to your parents, ending with Jazz Hands.

XCoraline_CrossX 17

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Friday 11 November 2016 21:45

Has hands make everything better.

izzajaneful 24

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Friday 11 November 2016 21:52

Right? I love having hands.

cheshireau 26

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Saturday 12 November 2016 3:28

Just say things ended, you don't have to (or need to) tell them it was because of them.

Laime 5

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Saturday 12 November 2016 6:06

Don't be scared to tell them. They can be a great support for you.

honestjane 22

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Saturday 12 November 2016 6:54

Honestly, I wish I had done that instead of getting married. Nothing puts a strain on a marriage like horrible in-laws.

Rabite 28

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Saturday 12 November 2016 14:18

What horrible things did they do to make themselves a reason for a breakup?

GoddammitHoward 4

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Sunday 13 November 2016 1:04

Did she break up with you because she met them?

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 29

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 195

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 265