Love: Today, I broke up with my live-in boyfriend after an emotional... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I broke up with my live-in boyfriend after an emotional conversation and months of feeling neglected. He tried to have sex with me not even an hour later because he thought I was just mad at him, and "you usually just shut up about your feelings". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3252

You deserved it

326

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Mother of the year

Spread the news

By Anonymous - United States

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57598

You deserved it

7329

Tweet

Share

By TLJ321

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8598

You deserved it

58692

Tweet

Share

By Banana_Lord - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33726

You deserved it

3143

Tweet

Share

By Busted - United States

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6809

You deserved it

42754

Tweet

Share

By uh-oh - United States

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

60748

You deserved it

30606

Tweet

Share

By ctschantz - France

Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when my remote wouldn't work and neither would my key to unlock it. A cute young guy came over, not to help but to ask me what the hell I was doing to his car. My car, that looked exactly like his, was on the other side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22716

You deserved it

13470

Tweet

Share

By patronuscat?

Meow!

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3532

You deserved it

1035

Tweet

Share

By mettaton

Today, I realized that my mom talks to me with the exact same tone of voice she uses for my little cousin. I’m 23 and my cousin is 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2220

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By Fonz - United States

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6502

You deserved it

56361

Tweet

Share

By mchhhoi - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and were I getting it on in his bedroom where he had all of his anime models on display. I accidentally knocked over one of his models and it fell on to the floor. He got angry and kicked me out. Apparently, making his models look good was more important than us making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43534

You deserved it

13283

Tweet

Share

By UsuallyaUnicornbread - United States - Morrisville

Today, I went to get myself a latte to make myself feel better after having a bad day. As soon as I sat down to enjoy it, I spilled it all over myself, another customer, and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30476

You deserved it

3297

Tweet

Share

By Munch - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, my short-tempered, alcoholic boyfriend proudly showed me the rifle he bought. This guy regularly swears at his own sneezes and often flies into fits of rage because it's hard to get his shoe on. Time to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4191

You deserved it

862

Tweet

Share

By hiccups - United States - New York

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32796

You deserved it

3628

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's 1 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37343

You deserved it

2785

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31034

You deserved it

18017

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Newberry

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34239

You deserved it

6850

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41572

You deserved it

4552

Tweet

Share

By Em - United States

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML

I agree, your life sucks

60433

You deserved it

20800

Tweet

Share

By brokeandsingle - United Kingdom

Today, I finally made the last payment on the beautiful engagement ring I bought and proposed with - two years ago. To my ex-girlfriend, who said no and promptly started sleeping with one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38339

You deserved it

3158

Tweet

Share

By Madison Gliosci

Today, I’m spending my 21st birthday in the hospital getting a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2839

You deserved it

197

Tweet

Share

By Victim - United States

Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67058

You deserved it

9993

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to explain to my friend that being arrested isn't something a decent person should have on their bucket list. I had to explain this while bailing her out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21769

You deserved it

2414

Tweet

Share

By anon - Australia - Salisbury

Today, my daughter asked me if we could adopt a child. I said no, since we can't afford to support another child. She then asked me if she could just adopt another dad instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22007

You deserved it

2122

Tweet

Share

By chickenlover - United States

Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18722

You deserved it

54581

Tweet

Share

By ICantBelieveThis - United States

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend in her room. That means: Jonas Brothers posters on the wall, Jonas Brothers pillows, sheets, comforter and stuffed dog. After we did it, she apologized to her posters for having to see that, since they're pure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35234

You deserved it

8901

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After my long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58613

You deserved it

5669

Tweet

Share

By duncanisgey - Canada

Today, I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200 and a dog who apparently has a thing for marshmallows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34621

You deserved it

6380

Tweet

Share

By Kere - Sweden

Today, my phone decided to delete all my numbers. I posted on Facebook that people should message or text me if they felt like I should have their number. I didn't get a single reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35716

You deserved it

6620

Tweet

Share

By blind eyes

Today, I went to get Lasik eye surgery. Beforehand, they give you an anxiety control pill because you're conscious during the operation. Guess who is immune to the pill and now has to get checked for anxiety disorders before rescheduling the surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2430

You deserved it

158

Tweet

Share

By livvlynette - Australia

Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying the make chitchat, he says "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26048

You deserved it

4241

Tweet

Share

By Pain - United States - Andover

Today, my parents "suggested" I help them move house. I didn't realize that meant I would be carrying every stick of furniture out of their house. The muscles in my arms are so tight now that I can't straighten them. I can't wait to help them unpack tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13158

You deserved it

1695

Tweet

Share

By bxjxj - United States

Today, I asked my grandpa why he spoils me so much. He told me it's because he truly believes no one else will ever want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35149

You deserved it

3200

Tweet

Share

By tutusaurus - United States - Salinas

Today, I wrote the girl I love a long, gushy letter to convince her to be with me instead of her abusive ex. Later on, I asked her what she thought. She said she can't read cursive. She chose the ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27533

You deserved it

4414

Tweet

Share

By Js2cool - United States - Fitchburg

Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22008

You deserved it

7080

Tweet

Share

By docwinters - Australia - Bathurst

Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44080

You deserved it

4972

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United States

Today, my boss told me that if I didn't become his neighbor on Farmville I wouldn't have a job. I laughed. He didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34622

You deserved it

2925

Tweet

Share

By beautyschool22 - United States

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27477

You deserved it

3244

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm babysitting three children under the age of seven. They have no discipline, don't listen, scream all the time, won't nap, terrorize my dog, and have peed their pants a collective 5 times today. I am not getting paid for this. Their mother has no plans to come get them any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40584

You deserved it

9698

Tweet

Share

By ringhider - France

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I've been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48540

You deserved it

6909

Tweet

Share

By alone

Today, I found out that my fiancé has been talking to another girl behind my back about how much he hates being with me. Turns out he’s been talking to her everyday for 3 months, and she kept pushing him to leave me, but he was only staying because I cook for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2624

You deserved it

212

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7671636 - Saturday 4 August 2018 19:38

I don't know how I feel about this. Something is telling me this is partially your fault and that he is a dick.

By yarani | 26

#7671687 - Sunday 5 August 2018 0:29

Aww, it's nice of him to make sure you'll never regret the breakup.

COMMENTS

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7671636 - Saturday 4 August 2018 19:38

I don't know how I feel about this. Something is telling me this is partially your fault and that he is a dick.

By Zekfen | 17

#7671654 - Saturday 4 August 2018 21:04

Why would you let feelings in the way of a fun sex life? Don’t you know all relationships are built on nothing but sex! Maybe you need to lose 15 pounds and get a bikini wax to help you keep your feelings under control.

Reply

AngryKitten | 24

#7671659 - Saturday 4 August 2018 21:56

why is everyone giving this a thumbs down this is so obviously sarcasm

By yarani | 26

#7671687 - Sunday 5 August 2018 0:29

Aww, it's nice of him to make sure you'll never regret the breakup.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7671722 - Sunday 5 August 2018 3:09

He’s not neglecting you now. Your break-up reason is no longer there, so you should take him back.

By Davros | 12

#7671752 - Sunday 5 August 2018 8:05

$5 says you bumped uglies

By bobsanction | 16

#7671969 - Sunday 5 August 2018 18:41

Gotta work on your communications skills.

By Duskyb | 12

#7673846 - Thursday 9 August 2018 18:03

Took me till my 30's to figure out that "unequally yoked" was not *just* a religious thing.