Miscellaneous: Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she... - FML

By NoWedding - 10/02/2009 22:30 - United States

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 815

You deserved it 3 525

Mama's boy

Vulture

Two wheels not so good

By sadday - 20/11/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 997

You deserved it 3 986

By Anonymous - 15/04/2013 16:02 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He wants us to stay friends, though, so he can continue to use my coffee maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 120

You deserved it 4 706

By musicalkitcat - 05/10/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 978

You deserved it 3 346

By woahheylex - 25/06/2011 14:21 - United States

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 610

You deserved it 5 332

You go Glenn Coco!

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 17:07

Spicy

Today, my very top boyfriend told me he was ready to try being the bottom. He moaned and complained about the pain the entire time, even though I got less than 2 inches in, and then got angry I was taking so long to cum. I thought I was the drama queen in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 14:23 - Canada

Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 034

You deserved it 37 051

By julie24 - 30/05/2014 02:30 - France

Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 172

You deserved it 45 998

By Thanksmom - 18/03/2016 06:23 - United States - Riverside

Today, my mom yelled at me for going through her closet for some warmer clothes. She had a rant about taking her clothes without her permission, all while wearing a pair of my boots and one of my sweaters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 046

You deserved it 1 443

Gamers rise up

By Games - 20/07/2021 01:59

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because his online gaming friends don't like it when I ask him to spend time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 119

The old bait and switch

By Duped - 27/08/2021 14:01

Today, I bought a Playstation 5 on OfferUp. Upon taking the PS5 home, I opened the box and in its place were some dirty old shoes. The seller had also erased all her info from her OfferUp account and replies an obviously fake, "Automatic: The user is no longer available" message when I try to reach her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 992

Fashion Police

By asshole - 29/04/2020 20:00

Today, I called a company to see why the dress I’d ordered for my best friend hadn’t been delivered. After doing some digging and ruining the surprise, it turns out it had been. Her boyfriend opened the package, deemed the dress "too slutty" and threw it out. He refuses to pay me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 338

You deserved it 208

Flattery will get you nowhere

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 14:02

Today, my mother told me I've gained so much weight recently, she thinks I should get gastric bypass surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 192

Stressed out

By mystermoon - 25/06/2019 16:00

Today, at my job in a pet store, my boss had me pull all the bags of food out and restock them so that they sat pretty. Five minutes later, the store is full of people. My manager screamed, "They're touching things!" and locked himself in the office with a cup of tea. He has the only open register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 107

Separation anxiety

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 02:01 - Germany

Today, I’m glad that my friend’s grumpy old cat, who I’m watching in her absence, actually seems to like me. In fact, she likes me so much that she wakes me up at 4 a.m. to not only demand food, but demand my company while eating it. How very flattering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 129

By KeptMyHandsUp - 17/08/2017 17:15 - United States

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. She warned me they were a little weird. Right when we walked in the door, her parents were there to greet us...in the nude. Apparently this constitutes as a LITTLE weird. They both hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 070

You deserved it 311

By Anonymous - 03/03/2015 22:02 - Germany - Lahr

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 543

You deserved it 3 316

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 05:13 - United States

Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 776

You deserved it 5 768

By single - 08/08/2015 06:23 - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 666

You deserved it 1 988

By lbailey32 - 04/02/2014 01:30 - United States - Seneca Falls

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 232

You deserved it 4 447

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 175

You deserved it 1 815

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 20:00

Today, I went to a dispensary to find relief for my chronic back pain. Turns out THC and my anxiety don't mix. I've been freaking out/paranoid/hyper diligent all night. I'm out $200, but at least thanks to my panic, I forgot my back pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 332

By Anonymous - 19/02/2017 01:00 - Australia - Stretton

Today, I was in the shower washing my hair when my hand ran down the shower caddy and in particular, on my razor. If I wasn't woozy from all the blood splatter around the shower - seeing the bone that connects my finger definitely did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 483

You deserved it 737

By sugar - 18/10/2010 12:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 982

You deserved it 3 325

Noise annoys

By SHUTUPDAD! - 17/10/2020 20:02

Today, my dad found his old harmonica. It’s been five hours and he shows no signs of stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 131

By miewann - 03/03/2015 19:06 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 113

You deserved it 2 555

By Deweyboy - 10/10/2015 04:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 252

You deserved it 5 055

By asthmasucks - 19/09/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 113

You deserved it 3 577

By ouch - 20/02/2010 00:37 - United States

Today, the roads were OK, so I cleaned the ice and snow off my car so I could go out. I rolled my window down a little bit while I was driving to clear the snow off the base of the window. A chunk of ice flew off my hood, in through the window, and hit my eye. I then hit a snowbank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 127

You deserved it 5 591

By Tiffosaur - 04/01/2013 06:12 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 857

You deserved it 2 621

Unnerving

By Anonymous - 27/10/2021 08:00 - United States - Norristown

Today, I went to the emergency room. A medicine I'm on for my nerve disease is causing me to have stomach pains. If I get off the medicine though, the nerve disease can get worse. If I stay on the medicine, I can continue to have stomach pains and vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 55

By shugette212 - 05/12/2014 01:56 - United States

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 071

You deserved it 7 654

Freaked out

By ADanceWithDavos - 07/07/2014 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 890

You deserved it 4 607

By AzrielB - 18/10/2018 15:30

Today, my friend, who had begged me to buy them a plane ticket after being stranded overseas, blocked me. They didn't even use the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 634

You deserved it 469

By Queenbee26 - 23/11/2017 21:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 119

You deserved it 524

By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 804

You deserved it 4 946

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 12/02/2019 00:00

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 166

You deserved it 205

We meet again

By Antonin - 13/11/2020 05:03 - Switzerland

Today, I missed my bus to school, so I took my bike. The bus that I missed ignored a stop sign on its way back, making me crash into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 87

That's… a crime?

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 05:01 - Canada

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that I see a therapist every week because, amongst other things, I'm terrified of being locked in a room. He didn't believe me, so he locked me in the bathroom "for a laugh." I had a panic attack and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 107

Drive

By fmbadluck - 29/10/2020 12:01 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I set a new record: two fender benders in less than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 383

By Anonymous - 14/04/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 360

You deserved it 4 874

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Wednesday 11 February 2009 0:55

And then people wonder why their kids don't like them...

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Wednesday 11 February 2009 0:51

nice way to have a supportive family

Comments

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Wednesday 11 February 2009 0:51

nice way to have a supportive family

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Friday 2 March 2012 3:54

Time for emancipation, I think...

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Wednesday 11 February 2009 0:55

And then people wonder why their kids don't like them...

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Wednesday 8 June 2011 22:34

haha

4wow4 0

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Thursday 9 February 2012 6:31

*sigh* My mom blames all my actions on drugs! Silly mom.

z_vet 0

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Wednesday 11 February 2009 1:21

+1 #3

duke_nukem_25299 0

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Sunday 18 July 2010 0:33

-1 #4

ironmany_fml 23

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Saturday 28 March 2015 6:33

yo this aint google plus man

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Wednesday 11 February 2009 2:09

Thats so something my mom would say me too, then laugh. Then later question why I have no self-esteem.

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Wednesday 11 February 2009 5:10

yeah my parents tell me that. its cuz i'm picky and i get over girls fast. but i'm young, def. not near that time in my life were i need to get serious.

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Wednesday 11 April 2012 3:12

You should always consider the future... No matter how young you are.

suyci 0

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Thursday 12 February 2009 0:00

dang that sucks.. but dont think that everyone relying on you getting married the first of everyone from you age is a cool thing.. expecially when ur having ur first date on ur 17th.. (this saturday xD)

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Thursday 12 February 2009 18:56

When I got married, no one thought it would last. we got a used blender with no top.

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Saturday 14 February 2009 15:40

tell her she's an idiot because her retort doesn't even make sense. don't joke about something that will never happen? why? in case it doesn't happen? silly noobs

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Monday 16 February 2009 5:48

I would've been like, well YOU found someone Mom, so there's definitely hope for me!

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Thursday 26 February 2009 4:04

Ouch man. I do hope it does so that your mom can eat them apples!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 131

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 45