Miscellaneous: Today, my mother called me a slut and unladylike because I prefer... - FML

By BeerSlut - 02/09/2015 21:37 - Portugal - Santa Marta De Penagui?o

Today, my mother called me a slut and unladylike because I prefer beer instead of wine. Apparently, beer's only for "unladylike sluts". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 073

You deserved it 2 157

Right under your nose

Marriage going well is it?

Don't be a dingdong

By Liz - 11/08/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my boss became very angry over her own mistake on a spreadsheet. She lashed out by throwing a can of SpaghettiOs at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 836

You deserved it 2 614

By vanessa560 - 03/01/2012 19:44 - Canada

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 013

You deserved it 8 292

Keep it down

By rattlingfloorboards - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a Karate dojo opened under my apartment. It's like living in a Bruce Lee movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 083

You deserved it 3 331

By Anonymous - 05/12/2015 03:55 - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 299

You deserved it 1 694

By Nic - 22/07/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 749

You deserved it 45 609

By Phycheledic - 12/05/2016 10:22 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the daycare in my area. When this one kid was leaving, he asked his mom, "Why is she so ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 453

You deserved it 1 575

Late term

By disappointed - 10/12/2020 20:02 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I had to pick my son up from jail. He was pulled over for having a busted tail light, gave the officer his licence, realized he gave the officer his fake ID and then the dumbass gave the cop his real one. Is it too late for a vasectomy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 445

By Anonymous - 21/02/2010 12:56 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 379

You deserved it 4 450

By theJoblessArchaeologist - 13/04/2017 05:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, as within the last couple of years, my dream job is only accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 252

You deserved it 304

By skid kid - 10/03/2012 02:09 - Canada

Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 797

You deserved it 6 587

By Lucky - 21/06/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a cruise line I had travelled on with my parents a year ago. After being told I had won a free $2,000 cruise from a sweepstakes I had entered while on the cruise. After celebrating loudly they informed me that you have to be 23 or older to collect it. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 114

You deserved it 6 237

By PeeFlavouredFloss - 14/01/2013 03:36 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 310

You deserved it 3 130

By nancypants1124 - 13/06/2015 02:06 - United States

Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 653

You deserved it 12 400

By nothungry - 29/07/2009 00:47 - United States

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 262

You deserved it 5 133

My man

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 05:01

Today, my man complained about having to listen to my "emotional problems for hours." Yeah, we did talk for two hours, 90% of which was him asking for my advice on which new mattress to buy for his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 92

By Anonymous - 10/08/2012 05:29 - Europe

Spicy

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 584

You deserved it 18 185

By englishtrio - 18/04/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 107

You deserved it 3 565

By Wellthissucks - 06/11/2017 15:26

Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 113

You deserved it 445

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 05:15 - Canada

Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 214

You deserved it 32 265

By me - 14/04/2016 17:33 - United States - Katy

Today, we had a surprise test at school. I was totally unprepared for any of it, so I BSd the whole thing and turned it in. A few minutes later, our teacher said we were allowed to use our notes to finish the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 614

You deserved it 5 917

By sdgsfvbkuhkj - 17/04/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 572

You deserved it 3 097

By bloodyfreakinawful - 14/12/2012 06:40 - United States - Seabrook

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 896

You deserved it 3 178

By blewidstepr - 16/05/2011 03:40

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 461

You deserved it 6 367

By DabTheFuckOut - 16/09/2016 19:35 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I finally said yes to a date with a guy. I was hesistant due to him being quite a bit younger than me. On our date, he dabbed 27 times. Yes, I actually kept count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 479

You deserved it 1 123

By loquacious shit stain - 07/02/2013 17:11 - Australia

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 720

You deserved it 47 345

By crizzy - 24/04/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 622

You deserved it 4 226

By Lovenem - 16/02/2011 17:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said "It's funny how every time we have sex I'm wearing these panties." We've been having sex every day for the last six days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 223

You deserved it 7 081

Great Success

By BLEACH Gum - 22/07/2018 15:00

Today, I decided to finally bleach my teeth. After 45 minutes of stinging pain, my teeth are still yellow as ever. My gums, on the other hand, are opaque white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 891

You deserved it 1 236

By dumbass - 06/09/2012 06:46 - United States

Today, I sprained my ankle trying to prove that I can walk in high heels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 682

You deserved it 26 163

By Anonymous - 17/03/2015 07:46

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 174

You deserved it 22 804

By Pox - 04/02/2011 03:19 - United States

Today, I got chickenpox. I'm 28 and having chickenpox as an adult is excruciatingly painful. When I told my boss I wasn't going to be at work today because of chickenpox he replied, "That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. Adults don't get chickenpox." He then fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 395

You deserved it 2 980

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 14:30 - United States - Buffalo

Today, during a meeting with my boss, she explained she's giving me one more chance before she has to fire me. Her reason? I accidentally ordered chicken on a salad last week for a meeting and she feels my performance has gone down the tubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 773

You deserved it 202

By Username - 23/06/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 305

You deserved it 2 575

By iailwkrb - 26/02/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 741

You deserved it 27 908

By Karin - 13/08/2011 20:29 - Germany

Today, after a week of sporting what I thought was a flattering pixie cut, I realised that without my long hair, my body shape closely resembles a snowman's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 585

You deserved it 10 724

By Anonymous - 21/02/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 093

You deserved it 4 568

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 02:32 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Spicy

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 719

You deserved it 4 505

By Unknown - 18/10/2011 04:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 788

You deserved it 6 370

Bitten

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 00:01 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 483

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 16:44 - United States - Rome

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 901

You deserved it 10 869

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Top comments

supertacowaffle 41

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Thursday 3 September 2015 10:30

I don't like wine either, just because it's not to someone's doesn't mean you're an unladylike slut, don't listen to her OP many people don't like wine.

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Thursday 3 September 2015 11:01

The designated driver lol

Comments

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Thursday 3 September 2015 10:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

supertacowaffle 41

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Thursday 3 September 2015 10:30

I don't like wine either, just because it's not to someone's doesn't mean you're an unladylike slut, don't listen to her OP many people don't like wine.

supertacowaffle 41

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Thursday 3 September 2015 15:19

I meant to put not to someone's taste* -.-

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Friday 4 September 2015 11:04

We can all just be beer sluts together

cynthianicole95 9

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Saturday 5 September 2015 6:31

I know I sure don't like wine.

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Sunday 6 September 2015 14:05

Welcome to society. Where most people genderize basically everything.

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Wednesday 18 November 2015 22:30

I prefer whiskey, vodka and rum to beer but I'll still drink it. Silly mom, your taste in beverages will not make you a slut. Now what you do after you drink all that beer and liquor just might.....

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Thursday 3 September 2015 10:32

What am I if I don't like either? ( ._.)

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Thursday 3 September 2015 10:36

Then I guess to her mom you would be an unladylike slut too.

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Thursday 3 September 2015 11:01

The designated driver lol

derangedplanet 23

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Friday 4 September 2015 13:37

the one who no one actually wants around but takes anyways because as he said ^^^ designated driver

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Thursday 3 September 2015 10:36

your mom must drink alot of beer then...

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Thursday 3 September 2015 19:51

...

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Thursday 3 September 2015 10:39

Well I may be quite the opposite, I prefer wine to beer, but I also like liquor. Though I have nothing against people who prefer beer, it's cheaper anyway.

dont_touch_my_ca 8

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Thursday 3 September 2015 15:12

Very good sir. One should always have a diverse taste. Makes catching those drink specials easier.

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Sunday 11 October 2015 9:16

A Fing Men

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Thursday 3 September 2015 10:43

I guess I am an unlady like slut.

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Friday 4 September 2015 7:20

Yup

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Wednesday 18 November 2015 22:31

Hmm depends on the beer you drink lol.

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Thursday 3 September 2015 10:43

...but wine sucks. It's a matter of taste! You can't judge people by their tastebuds, only manners while drinking and such. You could try putting beer in a stem glass I guess, maybe that would pacify her?

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Thursday 3 September 2015 18:35

I did that once with some really cheap beer. xD But really though, whether you prefer beer, wine, liquor, none or all does not determine your "ladylikeness" or "sluttiness".

derangedplanet 23

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Friday 4 September 2015 13:38

#48 having wine or beer or liquor compared to none definitly determines my sluttiness. ....

derangedplanet 23

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Friday 4 September 2015 13:43

actually probably my ladylikeness too. I imagine lady likes don't end up in people's laps.

kirstyfunnybunny 18

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Thursday 3 September 2015 10:47

I guess she doesn't know many women who like beer, my friends and I love beer and none of us are sluts. Don't listen to her OP

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Thursday 3 September 2015 10:51

Fuck your mom, beer chicks are awesome.

Mynamewontfi 40

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Thursday 3 September 2015 11:11

That's stupid. It's all a matter of taste. Who cares what drink you prefer more

Thatissarcastic 17

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Thursday 3 September 2015 18:02

That's all fine and good, but if you drink apple juice then you're a slut.

iAmDictionary 13

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Friday 4 September 2015 15:47

*eyes widen as I sip my apple juice* I guess the Internet has spoken.. I'm a slut

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 35

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 42

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 684