Work: Today, my mom told me that Walmart had called and I had an interview... - FML

By Jake - 07/03/2012 11:14 - United States

Today, my mom told me that Walmart had called and I had an interview at 9:30. I went to Walmart. They told me they didn't have any interviews set up. I went back home and listened to the voice-mail on her cellphone. It was the Subway in Walmart. I've been looking for a job for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 072

You deserved it 5 337

Leave us alone

Best teeth in the game

Death wish

By lilipalmer - 13/02/2015 06:44 - France

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 439

You deserved it 3 402

Entitled

By anonymous - 14/11/2020 06:57 - United States - Irving

Today, where I work at a pharmacy, we were short staffed and running 4 hours behind. A lady came to drop off a new prescription. When I explained to her the wait time, she called the patient. I heard ,"No, they don't look busy." Like, really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 64

By Elephant1718 - 12/06/2013 01:16 - United States - The Dalles

Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 801

You deserved it 3 034

By soapisyourfriend - 16/02/2016 06:53 - United States - Ashland

Today, cable was installed at my house and the cable guy smelled like some horrid mix of cabbage and cheese. I'm pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. I've sprayed air freshener, lit candles, and opened windows despite the cold outside. I can't get rid of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 835

You deserved it 1 396

By Anonymous - 14/05/2010 04:33 - Canada

Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 071

You deserved it 32 280

By AtLeastHaveADecientExcuse - 28/08/2013 13:25

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 150

You deserved it 3 439

By thathurt - 29/03/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, my college economics class had a big test. We all needed a scantron sheet, but some people forgot some. I had an extra one and this really hot girl offered to buy it for $1.00. I said I'd give it to her for her number. She looked around and asked "Does anyone else have an extra?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 035

You deserved it 29 991

By A.Summers - 30/09/2013 22:41 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Spicy

Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box of naughty toys under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 931

You deserved it 11 454

In my day…

By thanks dad - 01/08/2020 02:02

Today, we were slowly introducing my daughter to the pool to help her get over her terrible fear of water. My father-in-law scoffed, called us pussies, and tossed my daughter straight into the water. When I threw him out, he insisted he was just trying to teach her to swim "the right way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 866

You deserved it 245

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 11:01

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. My 3 best friends, who I've known since I was born, supported me by asking for her number, and now all are trying to date her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 16/08/2013 20:19 - Switzerland

Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 733

You deserved it 7 573

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 00:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 891

You deserved it 5 868

By sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 472

You deserved it 6 169

By Hi, I'm Heather - 01/10/2014 02:05 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 034

You deserved it 2 865

By Sexless4Life - 05/08/2013 18:33 - United States - Cincinnati

Spicy

Today, I realized that it's been well over a month since my boyfriend has even tried to have sex with me. The last time was our first time, and because he couldn't keep it up, he's too humiliated to accept any of my advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 760

You deserved it 6 911

By scared and alone - 13/03/2015 18:47 - United Kingdom - Preston

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 323

You deserved it 2 900

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 19:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when a large lady and her friend blocked the aisle I was trying to go down. After saying, "Excuse me," twice and being ignored, I pushed my way through. After getting past, I looked back and noticed she was glaring at me while signing to her friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 077

You deserved it 13 316

By Anonymous - 18/04/2019 02:00

Today, I found out I'm going to have to come into the office on yet another weekend to plow snow. This wouldn't be so bad, if I actually got paid to work weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 854

You deserved it 222

By pong - 06/08/2013 21:59 - France - Toulouse

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 907

You deserved it 4 047

Fairytale ending

By Anonymous - 09/06/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, as something cute to do, me and my boyfriend dressed as Snow White and the Prince so we could photograph the moment he kisses me and I wake up. He thought it would be funny to use his penis, so now there’s a picture of us dressed up with my dumb self kissing his penis with my eyes closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 1 266

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 234

You deserved it 14 408

By Anonymous - 23/08/2015 17:34

Today, I passed my driver's test. My instructor took the learner signs off his car and let me drive back to my place. I guess he didn't bet on me crashing the car just a few blocks from the test center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 390

You deserved it 5 706

By red - 27/09/2012 11:37 - United States - Portland

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 006

You deserved it 8 220

By N - 07/05/2012 09:51 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 699

You deserved it 5 344

Missing BFF

By HerNameWasRose - 06/05/2021 11:01

Today, it's my best friend's birthday. She went missing almost five years ago. My parents tell me to just "get over it", as if missing her is wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 61

By Craigslist is Evil. - 24/09/2013 18:12 - United States - Dickson

Spicy

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 130

You deserved it 5 444

By Entheatus - 10/08/2009 04:25 - Canada

Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 437

You deserved it 21 984

By ash - 04/01/2011 21:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, was my boyfriends last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then ran up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught on her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 806

You deserved it 14 761

Overbearing parents are the worst

By SoDead - 05/12/2020 04:01 - United States - Center Point

Spicy

Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 1 481

By stickers - 13/05/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I was going through my moms closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 520

You deserved it 4 241

By Anonymous - 30/09/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 940

You deserved it 28 292

By Anonymous - 09/03/2010 07:47 - United States

Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 255

You deserved it 4 578

By FirehouseShowersAreGross - 05/07/2019 00:00

Today, I’m showering at a local firehouse. Why? Because our shower is broken and my dad refuses to fix it, or get someone to fix it for us. It’s been a year and a half since I've showered in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 833

You deserved it 154

By Kelso - 06/02/2010 18:22 - United States

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 397

You deserved it 2 513

By ugh - 28/04/2009 21:49 - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 940

You deserved it 57 394

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 12:50 - United States - Ontario

Today, I spent half an hour trying to convince my husband not to re-enact a video he saw online of a guy tying some rope to a running chainsaw, then swinging it around his head. He finally agreed not to do something so stupid. A few hours later, he did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 736

You deserved it 2 608

By dyingtinkerbell - 18/10/2009 11:14 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment complaint since my boss exposed himself to me. His response was that the procedure is to "get over it." And he went back to reading. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 720

You deserved it 4 409

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 14:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 107

You deserved it 7 311

By not laughing anymore - 11/12/2014 19:55 - Netherlands - Egelshoek

Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 724

You deserved it 6 420

By Caz - 10/09/2018 20:30

Today, I got on the Megabus for a 6-hour journey from London to Plymouth. I then realised I'd forgotten to fill up my water bottle and charge my iPod. It's a fully packed, sweaty hot loud coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 288

You deserved it 1 289

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:21

You should always double check those types of things instead of taking (even your mom's!) word for it!!

redbluegreen 40

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:22

You gave them your mother's mobile number?

Comments

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:17

My mom would have done the same thing....smh. Better luck next time (:

bighugebrains 2

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:19

You shud have paid more attention to your mum then

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:21

Even if I paid more attention, she would have given me the wrong info

bighugebrains 2

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:32

Yeah i l know but if u paid attention u wud have known the right info.

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:44

No.... The mum GAVE the wrong info!

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:46

Lol, 3 is a hilarious troll. I hope this one stays.

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 19:23

In Soviet Russia, Walmart is in subway.

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 22:39

Quit Stalin and get a job.

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Thursday 8 March 2012 0:36

If I'm Russian, then why you Stalin?

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Thursday 8 March 2012 5:13

^ha it's funny cause they're Russian!

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Thursday 8 March 2012 23:04

Man our walmarts in Saskatchewan only have mcdonalds! I want subway in ours:)

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Friday 9 March 2012 16:28

YDI. Should've double checked the voicemail yourself ahead of time. Never assume someone else will be able to relay the message correctly, especially when it's that important to you.

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:19

Maybe you should listen to your voicemail's more often!! Well lesson learned

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:31

It was the OP's mothers cell phone. Maybe you should read the FML before you post. The OP is probably in High School and doesn't have and can't afford a cell phone. Which may be why they want to get a job. OP, trying going back to Subway. Dress fresh.

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:50

#2 shut up. I dont think you listen to your voicemail neither.

nicknamekenny 1

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 17:04

#2 your smart

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 18:21

#38, so are you for using 'your' instead of 'you're'

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 21:12

What was that about my smart?

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Sunday 11 March 2012 1:18

Well excuse me for reading the post wrong, but some of you guys were being bitchy!

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:21

You should always double check those types of things instead of taking (even your mom's!) word for it!!

biggestfan23 11

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:43

Yea true true. Don't take your mommas word all the time

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:21

Making sandwiches...isn't that a woman's job?

redbluegreen 40

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:22

You gave them your mother's mobile number?

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:37

well didn't you know the best employees are those who have their mom relay the information, and get a ride from their mom? lol

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:42

Maybe, if he's broke from being jobless, he doesn't have the money to pay for a cellphone. Which would be a completely legitimate and acceptable reason as to why he uses his mothers cell phone.

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 17:40

It's always better to give a cellphone number , because most likely you won't be home that often these days. What OP did was smart. There was a lack of communication in this FML

FUCKNAMESBREH 0

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 18:36

Errr. A home phone?

candice22_fml 4

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 19:47

Who had a land line these days?

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:24

Try searching for a job for over a year. And why did you give them your mothers mobile number? Why not a home phone, or your own cell? Good luck though

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 17:00

A very large percentage of households don't have home phones anymore. And if he's looking for a job, he's probably broke, and very likely can't afford a phone of his own.

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 18:12

Some people can't afford the convenience of a cell phone

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:27

Your mom has alot to remember and think of, she can't remember everything right all the time :(, you should probably listen to the voice-mail next time to make sure. Good luck finding another job ;)

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 19:09

Mom's too busy looking that blast in the alley behind Walmart.

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:27

Okay why do they have your mothers number and not yours? You don't have a phone? And my mom probably would have done that to me too.

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:44

He's probably broke from not having a job which would be the reason he doesn't have a phone and has to use his mothers phone.

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 17:38

Did you ever read the comments that previous people posted? It's annoying reading the same shit over and over again.

ninjuh_wingman 29

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:28

Well she got the Walmart part right.

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 18:50

True. I'd be surprised if my mom even got that part right

kimgr 9

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:31

The voice mail must've been really unclear if you didn't hear the "subway"

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 16:51

The subway is inside of the walmart

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 32

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 275