Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML
Today, my mum came over and helped me sort out my spare room. It was great, we found so many things I'd forgotten I had! Including anal beads. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML
Today, at my mom's house, my daughter came running up to me with some sort of love heart hair band, demanding to wear it straight away. After a solid 30 seconds trying to figure out how the band fit around a child's head it started vibrating. It was my mom's sex toy from her bedside drawer. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML
Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML
Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
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Top comments
cuppycakeslove 20
Both!
grahmagog 14
One little bead, two little beads...and this make three, how many beads can she fit inside she, four little beads, five little beads and the last one is six, tonight im sure she'll get her fix, slide them in, big one first, go on beads...do your worst, and when she begins to scream and shout...grab the string and pull em out
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Comments (129)
grahmagog 14
One little bead, two little beads...and this make three, how many beads can she fit inside she, four little beads, five little beads and the last one is six, tonight im sure she'll get her fix, slide them in, big one first, go on beads...do your worst, and when she begins to scream and shout...grab the string and pull em out
tenfiftynine 12
Best.Comment.Ever. Never laughed so much at an FML comment before.
ViviMage 40
I'm favoriting this just because of your awesomesauce comment!
robotiick7 23
Omfg I'm dying! That was the best comment ever.
whatstupidness 6
this was so funny lol
Kc1001 14
JESUS! that's disturbing and funny at the same time.
AwkGirl 9
I thought they were for the hubby?
kbabylvr21 10
I just died!
dvojplisen 25
Probably the most epic post. Ever.
gameguy118 1
best comment evar!!!
football98_fml 20
**** ring sounds just fine
TheWorldGreatest 8
Both can't go wrong.
summer_2k13 8
You should've taken one for yourself
Crystal55621 19
That is so disturbing.
summer_2k13 8
Bite me
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Gag gifts? YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYBODY, DAMN IT! Clean that stuff first, OP. Also, pick the Anal beads. Always pick the anal beads.
rhysfucker 24
At least there wasn't a shaved German shepherd in there, with painted toenails.
andrealovvve 17
Yea why would someone want an obviously used sex toy out of its box? That's just gross.
graceinsheepwear 34
You flunked reading comprehension, didn't you? It said she had a box of gag gifts. There was nothing about it being out of the original box or used.
tsent8 15
Both I have never used one without the other. Well except for that time in Vegas, but I'd rather forget that.
maria05136 16
I feel so bad for you
ks23 9
Hand me downs always suck....