Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML
Today, my mum came over and helped me sort out my spare room. It was great, we found so many things I'd forgotten I had! Including anal beads. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML
Today, at my mom's house, my daughter came running up to me with some sort of love heart hair band, demanding to wear it straight away. After a solid 30 seconds trying to figure out how the band fit around a child's head it started vibrating. It was my mom's sex toy from her bedside drawer. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML
Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML
Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
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Top comments
cuppycakeslove 20
Both!
grahmagog 14
One little bead, two little beads...and this make three, how many beads can she fit inside she, four little beads, five little beads and the last one is six, tonight im sure she'll get her fix, slide them in, big one first, go on beads...do your worst, and when she begins to scream and shout...grab the string and pull em out
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Comments (129)
WhiteCrimson 23
Oh and please no anal beads for men, that just aint right!
MidnaLink 35
So... gay men don't get this stuff? Isn't that discrimination?
CharresBarkrey 16
They were made for men... Men get more pleasure out of anal than women because of their prostates.
LyraAlluse 25
I just keep getting mental images of the toys getting stuck in very uncomfortable places. Let's just say I've seen all sorts of sex related emergencies in the hospital and sex toys usually are the top reasons people have them.
simoncat 11
Anal beads all the way. They go with everything!
D3ATHZ3RO 15
**** ring, sounds like it hurts less
esthoar 8
At least it wasn't her personal stack
lininnes 6
anal beads I'd suggest...
rickyblair 16
Anal beads, everyone likes them. And they're good for Him or Her ;)
kelseythompson 27
Giving advice on sex toys at age 16 .. Just no. noo. nope. You need to check yourself
alkolaali 7
**** man you owned the FML
FrankHotpants 31
I love a good prank/gag as much as the next guy but I don't know anyone who just has a box of **** rings around as a joke.
hannamajor 6
Awkkk