Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML
Today, my mum came over and helped me sort out my spare room. It was great, we found so many things I'd forgotten I had! Including anal beads. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML
Today, at my mom's house, my daughter came running up to me with some sort of love heart hair band, demanding to wear it straight away. After a solid 30 seconds trying to figure out how the band fit around a child's head it started vibrating. It was my mom's sex toy from her bedside drawer. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML
Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML
Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
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Top comments
cuppycakeslove 20
Both!
grahmagog 14
One little bead, two little beads...and this make three, how many beads can she fit inside she, four little beads, five little beads and the last one is six, tonight im sure she'll get her fix, slide them in, big one first, go on beads...do your worst, and when she begins to scream and shout...grab the string and pull em out
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Comments (129)
AshAsh014 4
Gross...
Rapunzel1974 23
What you could do, if you wanted to be really evil: you could pick a new "gag gift" and then mess it up a bit to make it look like it had been heavily used. Like, dip the anal beads in chocolate pudding and then rinse them off but not completely. That would be hilarious and your mom would be going: "FML".
MikeyScene420 17
Anal beads. Definitely anal beads. As Bam Margera has shown us, not only can they be used as a pleasure toy, they can also be used to fly a kite. Choose the anal beads.
MaxPlain69 8
The more pressing question here is, why does your mom have a box full of sex toys on stand-by??
cadreychasd 6
deng you have a smart ass motha..
zsshamalama 11
Por que no los dos?
ehsanraza71 3
Same thing happened to me. I was eating a cone and felt something on my hand so I naturally lifted my hand up and ate the "ice cream." Also known as a wasp
YUMMYFRENCHFRIES 16
BEADS!!!!!
KatStyles 10
I would've sat there. And cried.
djsammyc 19
how the hell are either of them pleasurable?