Love: Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard... - FML

By TabbyCat87 - 13/01/2016 00:16 - United States - Lamar

Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 539

You deserved it 1 450

Leave us alone

Rough school

Oh no, not you

By anonymous - 24/05/2016 03:41 - United States - Manchester

Today, I got put in a speech impediment class because apparently I have a lisp. No, my tongue is just swollen, and I can't talk very well because of it. I've talked normally for the past 17 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 151

You deserved it 737

Online classes can be tricky

By Daniella - 12/11/2020 11:03 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I accidentally unmuted my mic during a class, and normally it would've just been silence, but dumb old me just had to sing a song at the top of my lungs, and I only stopped when my phone blew up with notifications. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 1 047

By tina - 17/08/2010 12:30 - Canada

Today, I ran into my boyfriend at the mall, the same boyfriend that told me he was taking a family vacation to Mexico. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 101

You deserved it 4 087

By fobfan14 - 16/09/2009 10:37 - United States

Today, somebody broke in to my house and stole my laptop, which had years worth of family photos on it. Where was I when it was stolen? At Staples, buying supplies that included CDs to finally back up my pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 720

You deserved it 5 354

By Hannah - 13/06/2013 16:19 - Australia - Caulfield North

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 142

You deserved it 6 039

By parkinglotslayer - 11/06/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 991

You deserved it 47 648

Intruders!

By wtf babe? - 29/06/2020 14:02

Today, I came home to find my husband allowed several of his family members to move in without even asking me. His parents are in the spare room, his brother and wife are in my den and they expect me to make my daughter share her bed with two older cousins. I’m ready to take the kids and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 228

You deserved it 119

Big tongue logging on

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 23:01 - United States - Norwich

Today, I spent seven dollars to find out I’m allergic to kiwi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, I learned I have over $10,000 in debt, despite never owning a credit card. Apparently, my ex-roommate had been replying to the credit card offers I was receiving in the mail. That also explains my missing driver's license a few months back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 320

You deserved it 3 062

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 04:51 - Australia - Forestville

Today, the whole family came over to celebrate my 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematics book. Apparently, he didn't want my 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 176

You deserved it 2 072

By Disappointed Teacher - 10/12/2013 21:32 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I taught a college course with a group of 30 adults. I was educating them on leadership and gave a 25 minute lecture, with examples like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, and how they changed the world. Then I opened the forum to see who inspired them. The response? Donald Trump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 831

You deserved it 4 810

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 199

You deserved it 2 899

Life imitates art

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 14:29 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, it's now the 10th girl who has gone out with me but ended up falling for one of my close friends, who she met through me. I starting to feel I am that guy in the movie "Good Luck Chuck". FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 65

By anonymous - 17/01/2017 20:00

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and had to go to the bathroom in my dorm. After coming out of the bathroom, I realized I'd let my auto-locking door close behind me. I had to go through the whole dorm, sprint across campus in my bra and underwear, and ask someone for my spare key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 334

You deserved it 1 850

By ohmyx3 - 30/04/2009 02:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 045

You deserved it 9 876

By GeesLouisee - 01/05/2018 15:00

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 741

You deserved it 500

By anonymous - 02/09/2012 22:31 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 393

You deserved it 7 335

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 23:29 - Switzerland

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 426

You deserved it 7 797

By manhood fading away - 25/12/2016 20:24 - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, because it was our first Christmas as a couple, I was careful to get my girlfriend what I considered to be a very thoughtful gift. She opened it, took one look at it, made a face like I'd just kicked a puppy, and told me that in future it would be better if I just gave her money so she could buy her own presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 940

You deserved it 737

Fairytale ending

By Anonymous - 09/06/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, as something cute to do, me and my boyfriend dressed as Snow White and the Prince so we could photograph the moment he kisses me and I wake up. He thought it would be funny to use his penis, so now there’s a picture of us dressed up with my dumb self kissing his penis with my eyes closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 1 273

By loserllamalick - 07/10/2013 14:32 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 671

You deserved it 39 627

By Ali - 05/03/2017 22:30 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my father cut my hair for the first time. Now, I always have to wear a cap when I go outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 452

You deserved it 855

By Username - 14/07/2011 20:09 - United States

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 265

You deserved it 5 735

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 09:08 - Maldives - Male

Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 891

You deserved it 2 337

By knee2tak - 14/03/2009 09:46 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 733

You deserved it 11 133

By forgotten - 21/09/2010 22:16 - United States

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 065

You deserved it 7 407

By Kay - 02/06/2013 19:00 - India - Nagari

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 103

You deserved it 6 450

By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a message from the girl I like. She told me to never speak to her again and not even look at her any more. Apparently the letter I wrote to her was perverted, vile and nasty. I never wrote her a letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 921

You deserved it 2 781

Astrology for nerds

By badprofessor - 19/09/2014 01:44 - United States - Larchmont

Today, I got an Economics test back from my professor. I got a 17/20. I looked it over and noticed one of the questions was completely right. I checked the textbook he made and the answer was the same. I asked him why it was wrong, and he responded with, "I guess I changed my mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 657

You deserved it 2 701

By Forgotten - 11/03/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend has memory issues because of a car accident. She broke up with me because I was acting like if things were more serious that she wanted them to be. She forgot she proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 149

You deserved it 181

By "Levi2411" - 31/12/2018 04:00

Today, I'm babysitting. The kids have only been home at the same time together for 15 minutes. Two of them have punched each other and the other is running in circles screaming. What is wrong with this picture? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 306

Drawing a blank

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 08:01

Today, I sat my end of year assessment. I was quite pleased that nothing I learned in my syllabus came up on the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 74

Haircare protip

By Anonymous - 09/06/2011 20:32 - United States

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 501

You deserved it 51 010

Time wasting

By PNeil - 13/11/2019 14:00

Today, after having spent all of last night studying for an algebra test, I find out that the test was on a completely different chapter of my textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 1 493

Monster Mash

By John - 30/10/2021 05:00

Today, I realized I'm a failure as a man. It's been 17 years since a woman even touched me. I grew up fatherless, have completely lost hope for any chance of a wife or kids. I'm 35 and never been in a relationship. I'm a complete failure because of all this, and have become a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 321

By nevergonnatrust - 18/11/2010 09:23

Spicy

Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 390

You deserved it 3 601

By RektForLyfe - 25/07/2016 03:32 - United States - Wickliffe

Today, I was accepted to the college of my dreams. Then I checked the address. Turns out, the letter was meant for my neighbor. I was actually denied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 505

You deserved it 1 223

A lot on my plate

By BrokeAndLonely - 26/07/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Taunton

Today, after seven months of job-searching, I got another rejection. This is after a breakup, a job loss, the deaths of my grandfather and best friend, tax issues, 3 years of dealing with a severe phobia, family issues, and a pandemic. Plus, now I can't buy the flat I fell in love with. Someone up there hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 125

By awk1 - 18/06/2013 00:55 - United States - Glennville

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 206

You deserved it 47 140

By Anonymous90 - 24/07/2010 23:59 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I spent 100 dollars on lingerie. I put it on, walk out to the living room, and tell my boyfriend to follow me into the bedroom. He says no, and then pretends to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 795

You deserved it 6 453

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Top comments

wingL 11

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 8:51

she doesnt even bother to tell u anymore

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 8:50

Eighth time's the charm?

Comments

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 8:50

Eighth time's the charm?

incoherentrmblr 21

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 10:09

Married more times than Liz Taylor & Kim Kardashian...

THE_GLOW_CLOUD 9

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Thursday 14 January 2016 13:52

You know you've messed up when that's the case.

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Monday 22 February 2016 21:32

Hey, she's still in the game! OP should stop giving her shit. Say it: "Congratulations, Mom. I hope this one works out. I love you."

wingL 11

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 8:51

she doesnt even bother to tell u anymore

Norja 33

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 12:06

I guess it's not that big of a deal anymore since it's such a regular thing.

melbournearsenal 18

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 8:52

Eighth time lucky

sallycinnamon 21

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 8:53

After the ninth she'll get one free!

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:14

She might get a son after the 9th!

weatherxveins 29

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 20:19

Only if she has the punch card though.

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 8:56

8 honeymoons? Sounds like a good life lol

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 8:57

I think it sucks that your mum didn't even tell you, like she knows it's shameful to marry 8 times but does it anyway

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 12:52

why is it shameful to marry eight times? as long as you're not religious in a very strict way, marriage can end in divorce and if you want to marry again, why not? it's sad that she didn't find somebody to stay with but I don't see anything shameful.

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 13:42

It's not shameful, it's just a little suspicious. It means she and her partners are marrying much too fast. Why not date for a while, first, to get to know each other a bit?

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 8:58

Your mom got eight people to propose to her?? I'm still here waiting for ONE. :/

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 9:00

Most likely she proposes to them ,lol

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 13:44

Oh THAT'S what you're supposed to do, #8 . Gotcha ! :P

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Thursday 14 January 2016 4:26

I used to think this same way, but then you have to consider the amount of baggage each has brought & consider the quality. I mean sure - we could go snag a deadbeat at the casino & boom - married...but...no.

LadyTyger51ne 8

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Thursday 14 January 2016 4:57

I feel you.

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Thursday 14 January 2016 10:10

Goddamn, not for long. What's up?

Warmonger_Smurf 29

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 9:04

Is her maiden name Tudor?

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 13:45

Depends if the exes are still alive or if they're missing their head..

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 9:09

The hit & trial approach isn't working too well for her..

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 9:20

Sad to have a whore for a mom

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 28

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 190

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 259