Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML

You hypocrite

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend, "Actually, it's a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML

Thanks mom

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

My life

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML