Kids: Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for...

By Brotherssuckkk - France

Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for money. I found a rotten apple, a picture of my best friend, and a dead bird. I got $10. FML

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33087

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Kids

Understandable

Season finale

Plumbed out

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, my class went to Berlin. At the subway station, our teacher told us to get on the next train. I was the first one to get on and the only one who didn't hear her saying: 'Wait, that's the wrong one!' I'm lost in a city I've never been before. FML

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34634

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By Linda - 21/1/2021 17:02

Sweet!

Today, I learned a hard lesson: when you order 12 artificial sweeteners and 6 packets of raw sugar with your home-delivered Starbucks coffee so that you can have a small hoard to sweeten up the coffee you already have at home, they just may put all 18 items in the cup and stir it up to your apparent liking. FML

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266

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1889

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By cacheson - 5/6/2020 23:00

The Good Fight

Today, my husband and roommate went out to protest for the second day in a row. I have an anxiety disorder, so I can't go. I’m just stuck here watching videos of the fires and violence, wondering if they will even come home. FML

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1299

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1032

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By Rawf - United States

Today, at work, a customer called in and asked me to read off every item on our menu, along with their ingredients. I work at Jamba Juice so that's a lot of reading. After about 10 minutes of this, I found out it was actually my stupid co-worker calling from the back phone. FML

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43086

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34558

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5914

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By Jaxter - United States

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

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80762

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By FunFun in the Sun - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I'm on spring break on a tropical island, visiting family I hadn't seen in years. They invited me out to eat, and won't take no for an answer. All of this would be wonderful, if it weren't for the fact that I've been vomiting to the point of expelling bile and dry heaving for the last two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18191

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1298

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By haley

Today, while in a parking lot, I accidentally cut someone off out of pure nervousness as I'm a new driver. I got out of my car to apologize, and they responded by beating me and my car to a pulp with a baseball bat. FML

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3433

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429

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By prettyconstipated - 9/3/2021 14:02

Weird compliment, but OK

Today, while buying laxatives at a store, the cashier loudly declared that I'm "too pretty" to be constipated. What? FML

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929

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By BARF - United States

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

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27475

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By xoragebaby - United States

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

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37588

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By Anonymous - United States - Redlands

Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML

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21060

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1240

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By unlucky - United States

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

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12657

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By "lk07" - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1966

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350

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By sopissed - United States - Laurel

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29576

You deserved it

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By K-Rat - United States

Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9385

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1034

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By Chey1309 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I looked alright for our date. He said, "Honey, you look fine, just don't go out in public like that." FML

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37963

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By Mem - Sweden - Hudiksvall

Today, my neighbor threatened to call the cops if I didn't turn the volume down on my porno. I was only watching women's tennis. FML

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47102

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By ElectroSpecter

Today, I went to get a haircut. I have a pretty bad case of dandruff, so whenever I get one, a lot of it shows. My hairstylist called to her nearby friend twice, then looked at my hair and said, "Blech" under her breath. I got glares when I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2020

You deserved it

413

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By VeryLoved - 28/4/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Great parenting

Today, after a year of staying at home, I finally went out. I had a panic attack and couldn't breathe, so my mum decided to scream at me and slap me so I'd become "normal". FML

I agree, your life sucks

900

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191

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By shaverguy - United States

Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML

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39702

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By Julianapilikusplatosophophes - Australia - Kew

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

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30796

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ilminster

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

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38217

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By MerryChristmas - United States - Moore

Today, I went to a Christmas-themed amusement park with my 21-year-old autistic sister who adores Christmas. She took her picture with Santa and started crying happy tears. Then Santa asked her loudly, "Aren't you beyond old enough to know I'm not real?" Vacation ruined. FML

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5552

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412

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By Idontbelieveinmagic - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

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40395

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By Lonely Wanker - 26/2/2021 23:00

Cranking

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

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760

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2021 21:30

Horn section

Today, I matched with someone on a dating app. The first thing they said to me was, "What is the chance that you are the trombone player living below me and would you please stop playing after 9 p.m.?" I am that trombone player and due to Covid I have to practice a lot in my apartment. FML

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433

You deserved it

1280

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By forever young - United States

Today, I Googled "How to act like an adult." I'm 37. FML

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26376

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By pleasekillme - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

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57004

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

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26325

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By WhereIsIt? - 25/9/2020 22:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Frustration

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

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860

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386

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By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my mom asked why my three-year-old son is named Trevor. After I told her it was from my favorite game, GTA V, she hit me over the head with a shoe. FML

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3726

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12367

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

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12644

You deserved it

50309

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By Cake Dreams

Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2910

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499

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By FuckPollen - United Kingdom - Hartlepool

Today, I attended a work interview. My hay fever has been flaring up during the hot weather, causing my throat to swell up and make me short of breath, which I explained. The woman interviewing me told me I was unsuccessful, as customers wouldn't be able to understand someone with my 'disability'. FML

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24822

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1888

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 20:02

This guy is a GENIUS

Today, in a bid to avoid going to the dentist, my husband decided to have one of his drunk buddies pull his tooth out with pliers. Now he has to have surgery to remove the shards of tooth left rotting in his mouth. It’s going to cost thousands. Thanks babe. FML

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1072

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178

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By Anonymous

Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1475

You deserved it

218

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By JesusLaidAnEgg

Alexa, play "A Forest" by The Cure

Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1510

You deserved it

218

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By WildShortstop13 - United States - Rapid City

Today, I fell asleep curling my bangs. I now look like Mrs. Potato head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20264

You deserved it

13208

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By justawallflower - United States - Elyria

Today, my mom told me that her vagina is "as cute today as it was twenty years ago." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33060

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3134

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Top comments

By Future_Mrs_Voltz | 0

#783126 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:05

why did you want more than $10? all you did was grab three things

By nandonando | 0

#783123 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:04

is your friend hot?

COMMENTS

By nandonando | 0

#783123 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:04

is your friend hot?

DragonMasterMF | 0

#783953 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 10:04

If yes:

Is she naked?

cotter567 | 0

#795615 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:01

what the he'll is wrong with your brother? is he like frigfen mentally handicapped or something like seriously.

rupert_45 | 0

#1004688 - Monday 24 May 2010 1:41

can I keep the photo?

hb215 | 2

#4806177 - Sunday 12 August 2012 22:24

What if OP is a guy?

reddawn1985 | 12

#4837315 - Monday 20 August 2012 6:36

A dead bird....?

By Future_Mrs_Voltz | 0

#783126 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:05

why did you want more than $10? all you did was grab three things

b182link | 0

#969402 - Saturday 27 March 2010 19:01

plus she got a free meal and a picture of her friend so she can frame it on her room

By caancoha | 0

#783128 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:05

Look, you have dinner and decorations.

jessxoxo28 | 5

#783537 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 4:39

haha #3 bitchhh

By MrC19 | 0

#783131 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:06

this isn't really a fml

PunxsatownyPhil | 0

#783288 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 2:07

She/he had to pull a dead bird out from under a bed.

By urlifesbeeneffed | 0

#783137 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:07

it doesn't even end with FML

By rachexl | 0

#783140 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:07

great job mods... no FML?

Vanni | 0

#783149 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:08

Sorry, accidental backspace!
>_>

Sirin_fml | 46

#783438 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 3:32

*facepalm*

By Nic_hole | 0

#783141 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:07

hahaha #3 lolz, dang..xD

By HeresReality | 0

#783144 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:08

you get $10, this isn't an fml

By bbq34567 | 2

#783150 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:09

You shouldn't have even got $10

Just think of what kids in Chinese sweatshops have to do for $10

krnmafia92 | 0

#783367 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 2:56

Unless I read this wrong, he isn't in a Chinese sweatshop. Hence, your point is moot.

This is not an FML. You got $10 and a prank prop.

growingupnextmon | 3

#784033 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 11:54

He just did a lot more work then some people do for ten dollars...especially if the bird had been there a while.

sleepyolivia | 14

#6665432 - Friday 5 August 2016 2:51

Kids in Chinese sweatshops don't do anything for ten dollars. China doesn't use USD currency.

(This is a joke.)

By gobbledegook | 0

#783158 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:10

wow this isn't an fml, who moderated this?

Sirin_fml | 46

#783442 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 3:34

About 500 of your peers, me included. You called?

iBlazer | 0

#783746 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 6:59

FML's get worse by the day. Today, I had to pick up a rotten apple. I only got paid $10 for it. FML. Give me a break.

viviville | 0

#3003741 - Saturday 30 July 2011 20:22

plus the picture and the DEAD BIRD. jeez