Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for...

By Brotherssuckkk - 18/1/2010 20:04 - France

Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for money. I found a rotten apple, a picture of my best friend, and a dead bird. I got $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33056

You deserved it

4778

Favorite

Kids

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

This is us

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 13/6/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74283

You deserved it

4907

Favorite

By anonymous - 10/9/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39867

You deserved it

3340

Favorite

By lizardhater - 12/3/2020 22:09 - Singapore

I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1095

You deserved it

171

Favorite

By lovealways22 - 17/7/2012 07:19 - United States - Littleton

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28942

You deserved it

2814

Favorite

By Bad Mum? - 31/3/2019 23:00 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my eldest son told me he wishes he lived with his dad. This after I, two years ago, managed to get myself and my children out of the abusive situation we were in. Why? He didn't want to tidy his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2306

You deserved it

193

Favorite

By halloweed - 16/11/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42205

You deserved it

7568

Favorite

By Inez333 - 3/4/2019 02:00

Today, I finally got to see my favorite aunt after months of her living far away with her new boyfriend. She now believes the Earth is flat, gravity is fake, the government is run by reptiles, and that vaccines are the devil themselves. She won't stop trying to convince me of her conspiracies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2360

You deserved it

142

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/3/2017 20:00

Today, after saving up for a beautiful new dress to wear to my partners 30th birthday party, it finally arrived in the post. I try the dress on and instantly the stitching rips and leaves two big holes in it. Turns out I'm no longer a size 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5661

You deserved it

1947

Favorite

By claustrophobic - 4/5/2016 19:03 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13236

You deserved it

860

Favorite

By sleep deprived - 15/11/2019 20:00

Three years

Today, it's been three years since my sister gave me a kitten. Coincidentally, it’s also been three years since I've had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1454

You deserved it

304

Favorite

By hungry - 6/4/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some cheez-its I had in my room. After I had enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61426

You deserved it

16863

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/3/2013 15:21 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57105

You deserved it

6783

Favorite

By cande - 1/12/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34786

You deserved it

2494

Favorite

By Thay - 1/9/2016 22:28 - United States

Today, I logged onto Tinder to see if I had any messages. I had one: "Get off Tinder." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13814

You deserved it

1647

Favorite

By dinosaur - 8/2/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35105

You deserved it

6083

Favorite

By coral - 8/7/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53491

You deserved it

12350

Favorite

By faeliality - 15/10/2016 05:54 - United States

Today, I discovered that yes, you CAN forget how to ride a bike. Too bad I discovered this in front of all my son's friends and their parents while at his birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9916

You deserved it

1387

Favorite

By deerslayer559 - 27/9/2017 23:14

Today, while playing golf, I hit my ball near some tall grass along the edge of the water. Unbeknownst to me, there was an alligator hiding in the grass. He growled at me during my shot, causing me to put the ball directly into the pond. Alligator: 1 Me: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2619

You deserved it

387

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/11/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you walk up to a hobo by your car pooping, they will chase you yelling, "Get out of my bathroom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35717

You deserved it

4177

Favorite

By jingle - 25/5/2012 11:18 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I got fired from my job at a weight-loss center because I was too skinny, and apparently it's too depressing for the customers to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29286

You deserved it

3755

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/7/2016 18:10

Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18571

You deserved it

7261

Favorite

By WitchQueenLiz - 28/6/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65577

You deserved it

3101

Favorite

By Dani - 12/1/2012 10:35 - Australia

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32820

You deserved it

2556

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/6/2010 01:27 - United States

Today, I found out my 19 year old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year old guy who cleans our pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64329

You deserved it

7813

Favorite

By Ballshurt - 7/9/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53366

You deserved it

6996

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/10/2009 08:37 - Australia

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends, she didn't know which one I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36259

You deserved it

11495

Favorite

By imalilangel05 - 10/2/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

101978

You deserved it

5768

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 18:43 - United States

Today, the guardian angel charm my grandma gave to me for "safe driving" fell off my sun visor while I was driving. This scared me enough to cause me to swerve into another moving car. So much for safe driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21597

You deserved it

7027

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 19:09 - United States - Omaha

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49898

You deserved it

12760

Favorite

By cauteriseme - 1/1/2011 15:37 - United Kingdom

Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28372

You deserved it

4121

Favorite

By Noname - 17/3/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, I had a gymnastics meet. I thought I was done with my period, but when I was up on the beam warming up my routine, one of my coaches called me down and told me that I apparently wasn't. My coach goes around asking my teammates moms if they had any pads. My dad caught this all on tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75678

You deserved it

7635

Favorite

By blacksheep - 15/1/2017 16:00

Today, my 6 brothers and I (a girl) were finally finding out the sex of my mom's baby. It's going to be another boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7365

You deserved it

759

Favorite

By appleville - 10/2/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33483

You deserved it

3061

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/8/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46233

You deserved it

7908

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/9/2018 13:30

Today, my AC stopped working. It's currently 3:08AM and I have 2 fans running, a cold washcloth on my neck, and a window open. It's still hot as hell. Thanks, Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2636

You deserved it

415

Favorite

By harry - 6/12/2008 07:51 - France

Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25645

You deserved it

4114

Favorite

By Lee - 10/4/2012 03:50 - United States

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25630

You deserved it

2900

Favorite

By melean - 4/10/2010 06:37 - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41530

You deserved it

3046

Favorite

By Ditzyfitzy - 9/1/2019 14:00

Today, after spending 2 years saving for my flights, I was denied boarding due to issues with my passport. I heading straight to the embassy only to be told a replacement will take 8 days. The airline will only hold my place for 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2534

You deserved it

349

Favorite

By LadyJ - 21/3/2012 00:23 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I had to tell a parent about her son kicking a boy in his class. She blamed me for not watching him. I wasn't watching him because I was turned around to care for another boy he had hit right before that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30527

You deserved it

2111

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Future_Mrs_Voltz | 0

#783126 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:05

why did you want more than $10? all you did was grab three things

By nandonando | 0

#783123 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:04

is your friend hot?

Comments

By nandonando | 0

#783123 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:04

is your friend hot?

DragonMasterMF | 0

#783953 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 10:04

If yes:

Is she naked?

cotter567 | 0

#795615 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:01

what the he'll is wrong with your brother? is he like frigfen mentally handicapped or something like seriously.

rupert_45 | 0

#1004688 - Monday 24 May 2010 1:41

can I keep the photo?

hb215 | 2

#4806177 - Sunday 12 August 2012 22:24

What if OP is a guy?

reddawn1985 | 12

#4837315 - Monday 20 August 2012 6:36

A dead bird....?

By Future_Mrs_Voltz | 0

#783126 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:05

why did you want more than $10? all you did was grab three things

b182link | 0

#969402 - Saturday 27 March 2010 19:01

plus she got a free meal and a picture of her friend so she can frame it on her room

By caancoha | 0

#783128 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:05

Look, you have dinner and decorations.

jessxoxo28 | 5

#783537 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 4:39

haha #3 bitchhh

By MrC19 | 0

#783131 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:06

this isn't really a fml

PunxsatownyPhil | 0

#783288 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 2:07

She/he had to pull a dead bird out from under a bed.

By urlifesbeeneffed | 0

#783137 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:07

it doesn't even end with FML

By rachexl | 0

#783140 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:07

great job mods... no FML?

Vanni | 0

#783149 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:08

Sorry, accidental backspace!
>_>

Sirin_fml | 46

#783438 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 3:32

*facepalm*

By Nic_hole | 0

#783141 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:07

hahaha #3 lolz, dang..xD

By HeresReality | 0

#783144 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:08

you get $10, this isn't an fml

By bbq34567 | 2

#783150 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:09

You shouldn't have even got $10

Just think of what kids in Chinese sweatshops have to do for $10

krnmafia92 | 0

#783367 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 2:56

Unless I read this wrong, he isn't in a Chinese sweatshop. Hence, your point is moot.

This is not an FML. You got $10 and a prank prop.

growingupnextmon | 3

#784033 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 11:54

He just did a lot more work then some people do for ten dollars...especially if the bird had been there a while.

sleepyolivia | 14

#6665432 - Friday 5 August 2016 2:51

Kids in Chinese sweatshops don't do anything for ten dollars. China doesn't use USD currency.

(This is a joke.)

By gobbledegook | 0

#783158 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:10

wow this isn't an fml, who moderated this?

Sirin_fml | 46

#783442 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 3:34

About 500 of your peers, me included. You called?

iBlazer | 0

#783746 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 6:59

FML's get worse by the day. Today, I had to pick up a rotten apple. I only got paid $10 for it. FML. Give me a break.

viviville | 0

#3003741 - Saturday 30 July 2011 20:22

plus the picture and the DEAD BIRD. jeez