Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sat down to discuss wanting a promotion and ended up getting so nervous that I broke down crying in front of my boss. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML
Today, my boss called me into his office. I've been working hard doing extra work so I can get promoted. He called me in to tell me I'm to reliable in my current position, so I won't be moving up. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I was desperate for the toilet when I got stopped by our CEO for a chat about a project I made a ton of profit on. I was so close to disaster that when she pulled me in for a hug I wasn’t expecting, it happened. Diarrhoea down my legs and shoes. I practically made the CEO vomit. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
rg350dx 29
You could've just let it go and said you were so excited you shit your pants.
nothing92x 13
At least you didn't crap yourself with excitement!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (82)
teddy4nyy 13
Excrement*
titibug823 11
Just tell him that its not that you werent excited, but that you werent feeling well.
tj4234 36
As Eddie Izzard says, diarrhea is the cure to boredom. Because it's always a heart racing moment when you are trying to hold in diarrhea.
Kuhu1993 21
Hey dont sweat it , just tell him that you weren't well and that you are indeed very excited about the promotion. plus he would never replace you just because you didn't seem 'excited'.He knows you're worth the job and that's why you got it at the first place
spyk3r_so_fly 2
you don't deserve it but maybe you shouldnt have picked up the phone while on the toilet...lol
Kauphy 12
OP wasn't on the toilet, he was at work. Try reading a little more carefully next time.
Zeishah 26
try explaining to him?? hope for your sake he didnt reverse the promotion..
cmayer 20
Same difference.
beachbum_101 16
Shit happens. No pun intended.
doctor_glitter 6
If excitement and excrement are the same thing for you then I'm not sure what to tell you.
chuckcloninger 12
Your boss is an immature jerk...but you know that already I would think?