Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sat down to discuss wanting a promotion and ended up getting so nervous that I broke down crying in front of my boss. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML
Today, my boss called me into his office. I've been working hard doing extra work so I can get promoted. He called me in to tell me I'm to reliable in my current position, so I won't be moving up. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I was desperate for the toilet when I got stopped by our CEO for a chat about a project I made a ton of profit on. I was so close to disaster that when she pulled me in for a hug I wasn’t expecting, it happened. Diarrhoea down my legs and shoes. I practically made the CEO vomit. FML
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Top comments
rg350dx 29
You could've just let it go and said you were so excited you shit your pants.
nothing92x 13
At least you didn't crap yourself with excitement!
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Comments (82)
bReLiNg 18
Poor OP :( you deserve the promotion for not taking the day off! You are a trooper.
j_cat187 20
More like a super dooper pooper scooper.
MrConcise 35
This is an FML boss we're talking about. Do something over the top to get his attention. An overly-dramatic Facebook post about how excited you were to get the promotion will fix it. Unless you get fired for posting work-related stuff on Facebook...this is why I don't give advice.
gracehi 33
He's ******* with you.
Ambient25 25
Yes he obviously gave the guy diarrhea
gracehi 33
I dunno. That chocolate he shared with him earlier didn't quite taste right.
_Awesome_Red_ 11
What if he started cracking shit jokes like. "You probably don't give a shit." Or, "Your pay is crap." Oh and like, "Your salary is going down the toilet."
debbster7 18
You could've just told you boss you were ill.
processengineer 9
been there. just ask if you can be excused
delaneyluke 5
I guess look of desperation does not equal look of excitement.
Fluffydemise 18
You mean you don't look excited when you are faced with the prospect of pooping publicly and in, probably, large runny quantities? Each to their own, I guess.
BlackPhenom 9
Just tell him you were letting the announcement sink in.
ScenicSubterfuge 39
Dang, that must have been tough;) or soft... And liquidy>.