Kids: Today, I had to put my little sister to bed. Usually my mom sings... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 51

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 27

08/08/2013 04:09

Today, I had to put my little sister to bed. Usually my mom sings her a lullaby before she puts her to sleep, so I did too. After I finished the song, my sister looked me dead in the eyes and said, "This is why I tell people we aren't related." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 662

You deserved it 5 570

Empathy lives

Stop talking!

Hiding from the drama

17/09/2016 19:34

Today, a woman came in to order lunch. She ordered a sandwich then asked for me to configure it precisely to her complicated desires. This took a whole 5 minutes, during the lunch rush. When I told her the cost, she decided it was too expensive and cancelled her order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 631

You deserved it 750

09/04/2011 08:21

Today, my grandma got up at 6:30am, clattered about the bathroom then sang religious songs at the top of her voice for half an hour. Apparently this is her normal routine, weekends included. She is staying with us for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 951

You deserved it 3 701

02/11/2015 19:25

Today, my boyfriend had the choice of A) living alone gaming, or B) moving in with me, gaming in his own man-cave, lots of sex, and lots of pizza. He chose choice A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 942

You deserved it 5 138

12/02/2015 20:14

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 2 346

15/05/2015 18:48

Today, some genius shot through a red light, hitting my car and nearly killing me. When I went to ask if he was okay, the first words out of his mouth were "I hope you have insurance". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 050

You deserved it 2 129

28/10/2011 01:22

Today, I was rear-ended by a girl barely out of her teens. I got out of my car and went to get her insurance details, only for her mother to get out and up in my face, screaming at me to, "Get back in your fucking car and get the fuck out of here!" I panicked and did just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 128

You deserved it 38 511

02/07/2011 21:50

Spicy

Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 671

You deserved it 12 016

19/01/2009 09:21

Today, I figured I'd throw my ex-boyfriend a compliment and told him how "gifted" he was below the belt. He thinks he's paying me a compliment when he tells me how much he loves that little roll of skin that pops up over the top of my pants when I sit down. I'm trying to lose weight, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 930

You deserved it 8 285

07/07/2009 17:00

Today, I came home to found all of my belongings out on the street. My roommate, who is also my brother, apparantly neglected to pay his part of the rent, and we got evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 438

You deserved it 4 026

04/08/2013 03:29

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 126

You deserved it 5 449

Going well

By Sam - 25/06/2014 05:10

Today, as a recruiter, I had an interview with a promising candidate for an open position at my company. The interview was going well until the candidate interrupted me halfway through to take a selfie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 922

You deserved it 4 410

29/08/2015 19:10

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 011

You deserved it 2 345

03/03/2009 15:38

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 797

You deserved it 22 484

22/06/2011 04:03

Today, I was sitting next to a lady on an airplane who was very overweight. She fell asleep on me, and violently bled from her nose upon take off and landing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 016

You deserved it 3 047

Masterchef

By WhatHaveIDone - 24/03/2021 11:01

Today, my daughter tried to make pasta by putting a pot on the stove, pouring the noodles in without adding water, and turning on the stove. Then she asked me, "How come these aren’t getting soft like when you make them?" She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 564

23/12/2013 23:11

Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 372

You deserved it 48 559

15/02/2019 14:00

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 227

29/06/2015 09:28

Today, after not being able to sleep for two hours because my boyfriend wouldn't stop talking, he fell asleep and I was left wide awake. I listened to him snore for another three hours and only got a couple of hours sleep. He's not working today, but I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 342

You deserved it 3 301

14/02/2010 16:32

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 576

You deserved it 4 634

10/01/2018 01:30

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 961

You deserved it 506

12/01/2013 06:32

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 011

You deserved it 8 558

21/04/2015 00:16

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 886

You deserved it 2 310

20/03/2013 05:42

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 189

You deserved it 4 708

05/06/2009 05:03

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 375

You deserved it 26 424

24/04/2016 14:38

Today, as I was getting out of the car, my 7-year-old son opened the door for me. I thought it was very gentlemanly of him to do that, until he smashed my thumb with the car door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 926

You deserved it 1 310

Sail on sailor

By Anonymous - 18/05/2021 03:30

Today, I have scurvy. I only found out because Facebook randomly showed me a 3-year-old video on why scurvy shouldn't even be a thing, and I thought I don't get much vitamin C, I should check this out. So I have late stage symptoms, and was in the process of slowly dying from what I thought was fibromyalgia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 282

14/06/2012 20:59

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 305

You deserved it 44 115

28/07/2014 01:55

Spicy

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 394

You deserved it 5 484

Cash me?

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 11:00

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 109

27/06/2009 21:11

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 307

You deserved it 63 216

Caught

By losingstreak - 31/01/2009 20:47

Spicy

Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 213

You deserved it 37 831

05/08/2011 20:25

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 052

You deserved it 3 235

15/08/2009 23:24

Spicy

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 361

You deserved it 22 891

25/04/2011 22:38

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 031

You deserved it 2 989

21/02/2019 16:00

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 263

You deserved it 262

25/10/2009 08:54

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 688

You deserved it 7 110

15/05/2017 04:00

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 214

You deserved it 435

Don't let it come to this

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 02:01

Today, we had the cops called on us because my son was panicking so much about his first COVID jab, his older sister got fed up, took him outside, put him in a headlock and choked him unconscious so the nurse could jab him. Instead, the nurse called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 1 123

Smells like Toddler Spirit

By anon - 06/03/2017 00:00

Today, a toddler threw up on my backpack mid-flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 541

You deserved it 364

Mommy's favorite flower

By Ouch - 10/10/2019 02:00

Today, I learned how it feels when you fall off a second floor balcony with mom's flower pot then landing on your back. My mom got pissed because of her beloved flowers, and gave me a lecture while I rolled on the ground in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 241

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Top comments

Badluckbobby 12

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Thursday 8 August 2013 11:52

That's when you tell her she's adopted. :)

iGottaFindBubbah 12

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Thursday 8 August 2013 12:07

How old is your little sister? Just curious because she's young enough for a lullaby but old enough to diss you.

Comments

Badluckbobby 12

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Thursday 8 August 2013 11:52

That's when you tell her she's adopted. :)

HowAreYouToday 34

Thursday 8 August 2013 11:57

better yet, say you regret convincing your parents to kidnap her. its guaranteed to scar her emotionally for years to come!

DeidaraAkatsuki 17

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Thursday 8 August 2013 12:08

Next time, stand in the corner of the room flicking a torch on and off while screaming. See if she gets to sleep then.

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Thursday 8 August 2013 15:09

Or tell her that the orphanage wouldn't take her back

lightanddark 17

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Thursday 8 August 2013 16:43

adopted from russia no less

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Thursday 8 August 2013 22:29

Oh the poor girl

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Thursday 8 August 2013 11:53

That is one mean sister.

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Thursday 8 August 2013 14:35

Next time sneak into her room after she falls asleep in a ski mask with a fake knife and scare the piss out of her. Literally. Lol, that's what older siblings are supposed to do anyways. Mine scared the crap out of me by calling (we never had caller ID) the first time I was ever home alone and told me they could see me in the kitchen and were watching me in a super creepy voice then hung up. I totally freaked out and hid until my parents got home. Too bad I didn't think about the fact that we only had one phone and it was in the kitchen. Lol. Ohhh fond family memories :)

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Thursday 8 August 2013 11:55

Well, I guess it means you might never win American Idol.

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Thursday 8 August 2013 13:30

What?

rocketiquette 20

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Thursday 8 August 2013 14:20

OPs name...

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Thursday 8 August 2013 12:05

Kids say the darnedest things!!

benmec 18

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Thursday 8 August 2013 12:05

Ask her of she's ever heard of Mommy Dearest?

rocketiquette 20

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Thursday 8 August 2013 14:22

NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!!

iGottaFindBubbah 12

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Thursday 8 August 2013 12:07

How old is your little sister? Just curious because she's young enough for a lullaby but old enough to diss you.

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Thursday 8 August 2013 15:25

In my experience, kids can start dissing as soon as they start talking!

davincidasecond 24

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Thursday 8 August 2013 18:57

Too true, 27. My baby cousin seems to get the hang of it now, and he's barely a year old ...

flashback.miss 28

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Thursday 8 August 2013 12:23

Sing her Slendy's lullaby by LilyPichu.

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Thursday 8 August 2013 12:35

Should've told her that everyone should already know that considering you publicize the same thing

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Thursday 8 August 2013 12:37

She is awesome!

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Thursday 8 August 2013 12:44

Man, that's one tough crowd!