Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my kids made a mess in the kitchen while trying to make breakfast in bed for me. The mess was bigger than the breakfast. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend was serving dinner, and decided to circle the table with my son's plate while making UFO noises. My son grabbed at the plate and spilled it, making a huge mess. They both decided that I should clean it up. FML
Today, I made several beautiful steaks on the grill, then set them to rest. While I left to use the bathroom, my four year-old decided they looked yucky and poured syrup on them. My wife was too busy giggling and recording it to stop her. FML
Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML
Today, I cleaned up the entire kitchen after sending the kids to school. I decided to have a nice cup of tea, and then knocked the tea over into the bin and the bin cabinet, the hardest and grossest thing to clean. FML
Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up setting the kitchen on fire. FML
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Top comments
CuteDumBlonde64 11
Everytime I read an FML that talks about kids, I slowly and slowly lose the urge to have kids of my own. fml...
flockz 20
to be fair, a man was making his own sandwich...
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Comments (114)
bizarre_ftw 22
Confiscate the tv remote and force them to clean it up
Okayitwasme 0
Put it in their lunches the next day!
SCUBARANGERS 3
Why don't you beat them? :)
MyNameis_Kevin 3
I assume your kids were old enough to be using a toaster. So if they really don't know how to make a grilled cheese, I would have to determine that your kids were really high and probably just forgot that they even made a mess. Your husband just thought if its not his mess, why clean it up?
mama2b3 20
Clever! Why have I never thought of this!
kittenvks 11
Was anyone else reminded of those Clorox clean-up commercials?
jacob4592 0
Should have left it there and been I don't think so
badam_fml 6
Go on strike - take a holiday without them.
pdp_fml 21
I would say that daddy doesn't know how to make grilled cheese sandwiches. They should have at least cleaned up their mess. Sorry, FYL.
yousirareamong 5
Sounds like a new weapon, hot cheese on toast cannon