Today, whilst on holiday in Bali, I set off on my way to the... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/8/2017 05:45 - Indonesia - Bali

Today, whilst on holiday in Bali, I set off on my way to the day spa for 4 hours of much-needed relaxation. I tripped about a meter away from the entrance and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3497

You deserved it

287

Tweet

Share

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Assumptions

Rich people problems

By PatientlyDying - 15/6/2015 23:07 - United States - Plano

Today, while talking to my parents, I dropped an ordinary drinking glass. After I apologized and cleaned the mess, they told me that they had decided that if I couldn't be careful at home, I certainly couldn't be careful on the roads. They took away my keys. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29508

You deserved it

2749

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34570

You deserved it

2584

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/7/2015 06:18 - United States - Cranford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26210

You deserved it

3086

Tweet

Share

By Sorrymom - 11/8/2017 01:30

Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3761

You deserved it

778

Tweet

Share

By Velian - 9/12/2008 08:59 - France

Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32540

You deserved it

4641

Tweet

Share

By dude - 24/3/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68031

You deserved it

34192

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/1/2012 11:44 - Australia

Bored

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31226

You deserved it

7213

Tweet

Share

By Buggy - 12/12/2017 18:30 - United States - Atmore

Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3095

You deserved it

4984

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/2/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45160

You deserved it

3648

Tweet

Share

By Latina - 11/1/2013 10:24 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40529

You deserved it

7547

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 7/4/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

73807

You deserved it

7212

Tweet

Share

By Bluetooth Connection - 1/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1489

You deserved it

4206

Tweet

Share

By Crushed - 7/7/2019 12:00

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip, just so that she wouldn't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1503

You deserved it

267

Tweet

Share

By HomeAlone - 24/4/2016 04:45 - United States

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9832

You deserved it

21118

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/4/2016 17:04 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I had to spend a long bus ride with my chest pressed against the window, because some mammoth of a woman decided to squeeze her double wide ass into my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19470

You deserved it

2644

Tweet

Share

By Where is the faith in Humanity - 7/11/2013 23:08 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44255

You deserved it

8785

Tweet

Share

By shway - 15/7/2009 23:22 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51379

You deserved it

7206

Tweet

Share

By Binkplugged - 5/7/2016 18:01

Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14619

You deserved it

1783

Tweet

Share

By void bowels() { cry(); } - 26/11/2014 20:45 - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42831

You deserved it

3664

Tweet

Share

By Owww - 10/7/2018 19:00

Today, I went to the dentist at 8:30 for a check up. I walked out at 2:00 with a root canal and several thousand dollars in debt. I guess I'm not having a wedding this year or quitting the job I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3567

You deserved it

397

Tweet

Share

By evilplatypus - 11/2/2019 14:00 - United States - Cromwell

Today, after talking to my psychiatrist about a delusion I have - that I know is a delusion but simply can’t shake - he started frowning and pulled out the DSM-V. After thumbing through it for a while he looks at me and says, “That’s not in here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2074

You deserved it

167

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/3/2017 04:00

Today, our cat died. My husband and I had a touching bonding moment together. Our relationship has been strained for months, and I thought this could bring us closer. He decided to bring up politics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5856

You deserved it

569

Tweet

Share

By Jeri - 12/2/2010 08:41 - United States

Today, the day of my 29th birthday and two weeks after our 10th wedding anniversary, the only thing my husband got me for my birthday was divorce papers. Happy birthday, bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35540

You deserved it

4914

Tweet

Share

By Jpah - 24/6/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice, we were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes she asked me "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?". She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49722

You deserved it

3884

Tweet

Share

By confused - 27/2/2015 03:07 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35256

You deserved it

25842

Tweet

Share

By only1bigdogme - 3/9/2011 05:24 - United States

Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12724

You deserved it

52982

Tweet

Share

By treegirl - 26/7/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

121731

You deserved it

39657

Tweet

Share

By sad and hungry - 6/6/2015 14:37 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34251

You deserved it

6480

Tweet

Share

By Morgannaken - 31/10/2009 17:45 - United States

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32519

You deserved it

3900

Tweet

Share

By Beeisc00l - 5/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30509

You deserved it

22413

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/3/2020 23:16

You just don't understand art

Today, I walked in on my roommate with his pants down at his ankles, taking a picture of his poop. This would've been less disgusting if we'd been in the bathroom, not the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1620

You deserved it

97

Tweet

Share

By Dakota - 28/9/2017 04:30

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2814

You deserved it

816

Tweet

Share

By Cerezo - 22/11/2009 15:39 - Guatemala

Today, as I woke up early to do my physics homework, I heard my parents talk about how big a disappointment I am for them. They discussed how stupid, immature and how big a burden I was. They knew I was listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39823

You deserved it

4544

Tweet

Share

By Betterthanthis - 25/11/2015 20:16 - United States - New Berlin

Today, when my boss said, "Don't worry, I know all the requirements," she actually meant, "I know nothing, and will scream at you in rage because you cannot psychically divine all the requirements the day before a major holiday when no one is available to talk to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20908

You deserved it

1473

Tweet

Share

By badizzle - 15/9/2019 22:00

Helmut Newton strikes back

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1498

You deserved it

104

Tweet

Share

By Username - 1/5/2014 10:33 - United States

Today, my dog died. My parents told me to bury it out back. In the process, I managed to dig up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53303

You deserved it

4467

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/3/2012 06:46 - United States

Today, at work, we had an extremely rude customer who started cussing at us, and my coworker started cussing back. I jumped on the register to quickly bring down the line, and apologized to everyone for the scene. A secret shopper was in the line and claimed that I was rude. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29772

You deserved it

2452

Tweet

Share

By steph2052 - 13/7/2011 00:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I came across the topic of school while chatting. He asked me what high school I went to and where I moved from. I have lived here my whole life, he was my crush for four years, and was in my classes throughout those years. He doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41282

You deserved it

3929

Tweet

Share

By Birthday1313 - 15/7/2019 12:10

Today, my mother learned a new expression and uses it in every sentence. Her special, new expression is "boom diggity." It's apparently "hip." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1387

You deserved it

133

Tweet

Share

By MissIsabel - 3/11/2010 10:43 - France

Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29026

You deserved it

12406

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7533526 - Thursday 24 August 2017 22:19

Maybe you’ll get some nice relaxation and heavy sedatives in the hospital.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7533620 - Friday 25 August 2017 3:40

Ouch, arm you okay?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7533526 - Thursday 24 August 2017 22:19

Maybe you’ll get some nice relaxation and heavy sedatives in the hospital.

Reply

egnur_mas | 19

#7533747 - Friday 25 August 2017 13:12

Yes "heavy sedatives" they call them in Bali ;)

Reply

simcityguy09 | 19

#7553765 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 23:33

This is the first one of your comments I've seen that isn't really controversial or fucking savage.

By SteelSoul5 | 9

#7533561 - Friday 25 August 2017 0:06

That super sucks

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7533620 - Friday 25 August 2017 3:40

Ouch, arm you okay?

By ImPrettyGoddamnDum | 2

#7533623 - Friday 25 August 2017 3:58

If you broke the glass too, you get like 7 more years of bad luck like that

By Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 | 20

#7533658 - Friday 25 August 2017 7:08

relax
take it eeeaasay