Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML
Today, I was trying on a dress at my grandmother's house. When I posed for her, she told me she would expand the waist, because I won't be sucking in the whole time I would be wearing it. The joke's on you Grandma, I've been sucking my stomach in since I was twelve years old. FML
Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying to chitchat, he said, "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML
Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML
Today, my grandpa pointed out my slightly larger than usual belly and made fun of it, by comparing it to a kidney bag. I’ve been underweight since I was 13, and when I finally gain weight someone has to make fun of it. FML
Today, my grandparents visited. My grandpa kept getting off the couch and walking around to "stretch his legs." He kept kicking out my computer's network cable and messing up my game, smirking each time he did it. When I complained, my mom told me to shut up and show some respect. FML
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
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Top comments
Barriaultcory 16
When she has a stroke and they ask you to call 911 just tell her to suck it up
flashback.miss 28
make sound effects to what he does and see how he likes it. as for your grandmother, next time she complains about something related to her age, tell her to suck it up.
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Comments (67)
janiiine 5
That's a no no. Make old people noises back.
DDiddy 12
Some people actually are "slightly over weight". Its not like people are either a size zero OR a size 24. She's probably normal, like size 12 or 14, and feels that she should weigh less due to media's standards.
perdix 31
You definitely shouldn't suck up farts -- better out than in, I always say.
ColbyGB 13
When she moves her arm, make a rusty metal rubbing metal sound in relation to her age ;D
amy6703 6
Start imitating someone in a coffin, she will get the message eventually.
martin8337 36
OP, At least. she didn't make a creaking sound when you sat in the chair.
perdix 31
You ought to sing, "Ding, dong, the Witch Is Dead" and "Taps" as she ambles her withered ass around.
worldclassrager 41
Grandparents....what are you going to do?
SarMarJo 17
Just make sound effects of her bones cracking.
toneeangel 22
Old bitch