Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
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Top comments
Thale_fml 8
... why would you take a shower when your girlfriend had finally come to your house to visit, anyway?
Parazad 16
At least your grandmother has a sense of humor.
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Comments (135)
oldnavysnake 0
i love your grandma..... with a passion. haha
fauxyhaha 0
jersey shore is sooo dumb. I hate that show !!!
krissydreams 0
hahahaha did your gf hear it? :D lol
AllForMyGirl 3
How does your grandma know that you did that??!?! Or better yet Why?!
tyrn46 0
I luv ur grandma sense of humor
delaneylove 0
I read about some study that those who prefer to watch reality shows such as Jersey Shore tend to be more willing to stand up for themselves, making me proud to say that I freaking love that show. just sayin'. :)
ConnerCyanide 0
haha i would have been like no i have a gf to **** when im in there but make sure u clean up the dust after u finsh masterbaiting!! haha
rakuboi 3
If you don't clean up your mess off the side of the shower or tub or anything then you deserve it.
blevins5492 0
Dude I feel bad for u :p
narutouzumakiii 0
fail