Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML
Today, after spending over a year getting clean and sober, I started feeling horrible withdrawal symptoms and couldn't understand why. It turns out my wife had been dosing my food with Adderall "to keep me on track" and just stopped. So much for my anniversary chip. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, my wife decided to quit nicotine. I came home to find my Xbox, Playstation, Switch, and PC burning in our fire pit. FML
Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML
Today, my girlfriend got drunk and started crying, begging me to never break up with her, only for her to say 10 minutes later, "I don’t wanna be with you anymore." Then she asked me if she could buy me some pot, and, "Let’s watch movies." FML
Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I play video games. No, not that I play too many video games or have an addiction to video games. Just that I play them, period. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sinamoi 18
Corn chip addiction is some serious shit.
crankawank 19
It's nice to know that you care about her enough to do that, though. You're much better than all the douchebag boyfriends usually featured on FML.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (141)
missyj0 12
I know this isn't related to the FML, but I could use some help. On the app, every single users description seems to say "hey, you uploaded your photo, and you're cute as a kitten!" and my photo and name has been changed as well? If this has happened to you or you know what's wrong help would be greatly appreciated. :3
missyj0 12
are the FML Gods trolling me?!?! D:
ManInTheMachine 20
It's happening to me aswell. I'm also showing up as another member when I try to edit my About Me.
olpally 33
Everyones profile I've seen has looked like that including my own, FML probably has a glitch or something and are probably aware of it.
tennisrapper1 14
12 - I've also gotten "You've looked through 5 pages of the website, that's a start." Another one once, but I forgot exactly what it said. :P
windycityassasin 6
Ya if you try to change your account you end up with a different user name and picture... I ended up with prefix
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Dude it says I'm Joe I Paso? Lol I just noticed this from that comment. Thank you for warning me haha.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Why am I littlexlion? I have both iPhone and iPad apps and on my iPad it says I'm connected via a mobile device, how modern or something. Weird...
ManInTheMachine 20
As stupid as it sounds, there is such a thing as food addiction. For some it can be as tough as a drug addiction. But honestly, corn chips delicious. I would hate to give them up.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
******* Frito Lay company. Making their chips too delicious.
ebonyirony 29
Then packaging them by weight so you have to buy more
s0m3guy2010 21
That's some hard stuff. Maybe her mom was a corn chip head, and she was just a corn chip baby. Show your support.
JuliaAlyse 1
Lol
jetsown08 21
Sounds like she's a chip off the old block! No love for my corny pun? :(
xd3box 4
I got first comment but it's not allowing me to see it. It looks like I got jipped.
tennisrapper1 14
You got moderated. And no one cares about your getting first comment. And no one cares about your pointless comment.
xd3box 4
Why was there a need for moderation? There was no cursing or foul language.
tennisrapper1 14
They are addicting. I love corn chips!
AwsumShyGuy 12
Corn chips are delicious, but drugs are serious.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
And here I thought drugs were just party favors..you really opened up my eyes.
PawnShopPenguin 4
You sound like a very intellectual person. You should write a book.
YankeeLoverr 6
I hope you didn't have anything important going on, OP!
Llama_Face89 34
Not related to this FML at all but did you swim for the Storm at any point? You look familiar.
Llama_Face89 34
Not related to this FML at all but did you swim for the Storm at any point? You look familiar.
YankeeLoverr 6
No, I didn't. I actually don't even know what that is!
perdix 31
They do bet you can't eat just one, so you can consider your action an intervention for a gambling addiction.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Yo, Perdix, you're using the app, right? If so, click 'account'. It seems as if everybody is glitching, and everybody's description has been changed to the description of one of the badges you earn. (So far, mostly "you've added a profile picture, and you're cute as a kitten!")
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Dude. Is your account glitching too?
ebud2010 2
It's called a nicotine addiction, and that's pretty damn funny
derkster 6
Fritios are really that good
FrostHeart 36
You don't say?
mrz1177 11
... could have been worse, you could've missed a job interview