Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML
Today, I was relaxing on the sofa with the cat purring on my lap. My husband blasted an air horn. I'm now covered in cat scratches and piss, from both myself and the cat. I'm going to skin him. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML
Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
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Top comments
TryToBeKind 0
Your girlfriend is either a b**ch, or she is very thoughtless. I would keep this over her head for a long time
swagga0n1oo 0
maybe she is giving you a sign that she wants her "pussy" wet lol!
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Comments (154)
vaebouria 0
shut up snikerdoodle you dicknose
thegame_pr 0
you should have hold it stronger
braeleigh_king 0
awh. I hope the kitty didn't get wet!
scarsnstars45 0
next time you have sex you should see how funny it is to fake an ****** inside her
OGReaper 2
Good call lol.
fudrick 0
Pitbulls are too sweet to attack a person? Tell that to the parents of the thirty or so children killed by pitbulls last year.
OGReaper 2
how could you not see this coming. you said needless to say which implies you knew what would happen if the cat was exposed to water. your gf isnt a ninja. therefore you should have been able to avoid it. ydi moron .
Crittz 0
"Covered head to toe in cat scratches" ? ...You were naked during all this?
oopsohwell 0
fyl...dont listen to the assholes that are questioning you. that sux. cats dont like water is your gf an idiot? what a dumb bitch. poor you and poor kitty.
lolcatsyo 0
lol dumb blonde moment:) FYL
Thunderbender 2
See this is why they weren't allowed to vote for a while