Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got a call from my 14-year-old step-daughter while I was out. She'd left nail polish in her pocket when she'd tried to wash the clothes. I now have hot pink streaks on most of my work clothes. FML
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML
Today, I woke up to find I'd peed the bed. My girlfriend did the warm water trick to me, where she put my hand in water while sleeping, which can make you piss yourself apparently. As I went to get up, I noticed she'd also painted my toenails pink. FML
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML
Today, I went to get my nails done for the first time in a while. I don't like to go that much because two of my toes are connected, and I'm very self-conscious about it. The man painting my toes started laughing when he saw them and called all the other employees over to look. FML
Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML
Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
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Top comments
mcbeth 0
psh, you didn't forget, you know you wanted to look pretty for your swim team
Fields4mint 0
Methinks you are whipped.
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Comments (170)
bexxx 0
you giant whipped toolbag
bexxx 0
you giant whipped toolbag
TZS 0
Of course you have no idea how to remove it. Hahhahahhaha serves you right!!!!
humorizer 14
? Nail Polish remover perchance?
blankslate 0
you shave your legs don't you?
pinkducttape 0
yeah im sure every guy out there immediately knows what nail polish remover is and how much it costs, because they paint their nails so often. i like how on some posts they get all these comments about how the post isnt funny and then on posts where it is just something silly - theres all these comments about how its not a big deal and to quite whining.
hwkitty 0
I agree that they may not know the cost but the name is pretty self explanatory for me.
Juanit0 0
well maybe if u use one of ur tampons to swipe it off if its still wet? jkjk. THREE DAYS RULE!TEXTY TEXT!
dammn 0
LOL #16 lmao nail polish remover ?
jaybirdka 0
is nail polish remover that hard to find? How is this an FML???
mylifeissweet12 0
If I bought a $30 bottle of nail polish, I wouldn't waste it on my boyfriend