Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night with a numb arm. When I tried to reposition it, it flew crazily and slapped my girlfriend in the face. My girlfriend, who was in a string of abusive relationships, and has severe PTSD. FML
Today, my wife yelled at me for not helping her rearrange the furniture. I have a sprained shoulder and have been ordered by my doctor to avoid heavy lifting. She said, "Move the couch or sleep on it." FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 38
Either you have a weak shoulder or her head is the size of a watermelon.
MsConfusedd 27
Be thankful she didn't elbow your dick
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (67)
sunkissedluster 20
whats up with all the overreacting girlfriends on here? you can do better than her OP
screenager5 35
Aaaand here's the comment we all saw coming... even though one FML moment is nowhere near enough to imply that OP should dump her.
DocBastard 38
You don't hear about the "normal" girlfriends here because that's not what this site is about. Maybe you should read the FAQ, dimwit.
blcksocks 19
Coz she might dislocate a much important bone..
DeadxManxWalking 27
Trying to imagine how it happened but can't...
Valiumknights44 12
You should have done the hug and roll from Friends. Works every time, unless your Janice.
Lioness8197 18
Yeah, but the FML says they were on the couch. Unless that's a really big couch the hug and roll will mos likely not work because she'll be rolled off the couch.
Valiumknights44 12
Touche, but If she's off the couch she is no longer crushing his arm. Problem solved. Sarcasm is apparently my enemy on FML.
hamrtym 15
Girls are so comfortable laying on your arm with you spooning behind them. All we get is a face full of hair, a numb arm, and none of the pillow. I usually counteract all this by sticking a boner in her back like a loaded gun.
Catkam623 27
Lol maybe ill try that next time my girlfriend tries that but her back is too high I'd aim for a lower and softer target. ;)
lucy_lue 9
When I spoon my boyfriend, he gets to settle down first and take most of the pillow. It's a trade for the face full of hair.
Catkam623 27
Huh that's nice why not just have 2 pillows though?
zombieslayer83 19
Make her a spooning coupon book, and let your son cut them out so the barcode won't work. Problem solved.
StanSmith2013 26
FYL man, sounds like you need some more muscle on dem bones!
phoenixrises 11
My shoulder has dislocated a couple of times, it is the worst pain I have ever felt!! You sir, have my sympathy.
DanielleinDC 33
I think I would be uncomfortable using someone's arm as a pillow, but that's me.
U_GotitDude 18
Your girlfriend is a dick