Today, my friend decided to jump out of a moving car. I had to explain to the nice old lady who stopped that my friend who was convulsing on the ground wasn't on drugs, he's just really stupid. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while driving home from basketball practice, I noticed an old lady struggling to get up from a fall. I stopped to help her up and make sure she was fine, and in the meantime, a teenager decided to hop into my car and crash it into a telephone pole and run away. FML
Today, a friend of mine borrowed my car, drove it on drugs, fell asleep at the wheel, and smashed it. Don’t worry though, he’s fine, but my car was described as a “write off”. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML
Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML
Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my, "stupid fucking prank." FML
Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
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Top comments
cheesenuggrt 5
Get new friends?
NoNotTheFace 8
Quick, while he's still on the ground, kick him in the nuts, hard. Boobs like him should never reproduce.
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Comments (127)
mikeeg 0
Should have pulled over when he asked...tsk tsk
ScarletBloom 14
Maybe he was yearning for a toilet break and resorted to jumping out of the car.
rattusrattus 19
He could have just pissed out the window like a normal human being...
False_Stupidity 42
32- but then he would have given that lady a golden shower as they drove past...
rattusrattus 19
True that is a bit gross. An old water bottle then? Although given this guy's stupidity it probably would have been thrown *at* the old lady.
camba8690 0
Ha ha I'm the stupid one in my group of friends :)
brianjman14 23
Well, you do kind of look like Snooki...
bitchesbecrazy2 4
Yeah, and the one to make all the other "friends" look prettier
wellnowthatsucks 5
I bet you are
MissMae93 23
And you believe this is a good thing?
lajaynay 15
Bet he won't be doing that again any time soon. If he can even walk again.
steviesnm 6
He told you to stop at McDonalds, dammit!
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
You should've just let him get run over for being stupid. Lol
yamatelle 19
At times like this, it's better to just lie and say that he's on drugs. It's better and less embarassing than admitting that he's just that idiotic.
mintcar 10
Your friend is completely stupid. Something tells me this isn't the first time.
doof234 0
it's great that you love yourself, now stop loathing in self pity.
mistersheezy 7
I'd get a second opinion, he may be on drugs. Even stupid people are smart enough to know better than that.
mistersheezy 7
I don't know, I've come to realize usually the better the drugs, the bigger the idiot.
holeyman 8
I remember my first car hop...