Today, my friend decided to jump out of a moving car. I had to explain to the nice old lady who stopped that my friend who was convulsing on the ground wasn't on drugs, he's just really stupid. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while driving home from basketball practice, I noticed an old lady struggling to get up from a fall. I stopped to help her up and make sure she was fine, and in the meantime, a teenager decided to hop into my car and crash it into a telephone pole and run away. FML
Today, a friend of mine borrowed my car, drove it on drugs, fell asleep at the wheel, and smashed it. Don’t worry though, he’s fine, but my car was described as a “write off”. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML
Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML
Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my, "stupid fucking prank." FML
Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
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Top comments
cheesenuggrt 5
Get new friends?
NoNotTheFace 8
Quick, while he's still on the ground, kick him in the nuts, hard. Boobs like him should never reproduce.
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Comments (127)
Iknoweverything 29
Have him committed to the psych ward, and I guarantee he'll never do that ever again. Although he may not want to be your friend either... not that that's really a loss.
funny_ppl 6
Are you sure he wasn't on drugs?
wriptidez 0
hospital
LinaLyssic 12
I did that once, but from a train in a safaripark. Awful idea. But I was just 9 years old. Your friend should probably get himself checked out.
LizzieHanyou 2
This is why everyone needs to take physics, not just scientists and engineers. Otherwise, he would have known that the speed that he was going in the car would be the same speed (minus some speed lost due to air resistance, pretty negligible at short distances) at which he hits the ground. It is akin to having a car hit you at the same speed, though from a weird angle/not head-on. The initial hit against the ground drastically decreases your momentum (mass*velocity), leaving you in much the same location as when you jumped out of the vehicle. So, you would essentially go from whatever speed the car was going to stationary in less than a second. Yeah, I can see how that would hurt.
IPoopedOnU 12
Hahahahahahahaha
FUCKNAMESBREH 0
Sounds just me and my dumbass friends.
MrLoux 6
Only two things are infinite , the universe and human stupidity , and I'm not sure about the universe. -Albert Einstein
Ren_Baby 0
so you had to convince her because your friend is truly stupid or because your friend is on drugs and you didn't wanna go to jail? lol
lewei1314 1
CrazyStupidLove did that.