Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/5/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49958

You deserved it

17539

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Season finale

Please like me

By Anonymous - 13/3/2010 13:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I realized that not only am I still an unpublished author, but I can't even get an FML posted after submitting several in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39182

You deserved it

7622

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/4/2015 15:42 - Belgium

Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31412

You deserved it

2872

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/4/2013 20:42 - United States - Lombard

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55415

You deserved it

5398

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/9/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33397

You deserved it

4338

Tweet

Share

By Well then - 1/3/2019 20:00

Today, I realised that the only thing that's got fucked since I started uni is my sleep cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1895

You deserved it

345

Tweet

Share

By Ezzie - 29/8/2018 03:30

Today, I got absolutely hammered and noticed this familiar-looking chick. I walked up to her and said, "Oh my god, I know I know you but I don't know where from." Looking annoyed, she replied, "We've worked together for months." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1457

You deserved it

2700

Tweet

Share

By pantyripper - 24/3/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34245

You deserved it

21561

Tweet

Share

By Loser - 1/11/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50521

You deserved it

4603

Tweet

Share

By good friend - 27/12/2013 06:35 - United States - Missoula

Today, my friends and I had our Christmas party. I ended up being the only one sober, and had to drive each and every person home. There were 15 of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40393

You deserved it

5791

Tweet

Share

By jordeshting - 22/6/2011 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I complimented a girl on her stockings pattern. Turns out she wasn't wearing stockings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32618

You deserved it

8589

Tweet

Share

By I already have one, thanks - 9/8/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42193

You deserved it

3064

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 2/4/2016 04:11 - United States - Westminster

Today, my sister still refuses to pay back all the money she owes me because she once bought me something from the dollar menu at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20866

You deserved it

1675

Tweet

Share

By sugar baby24 - 28/6/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

512

You deserved it

6103

Tweet

Share

By psychicmother - 9/9/2011 10:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32407

You deserved it

4816

Tweet

Share

By me - 2/1/2016 08:25 - United States - Opelousas

Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22268

You deserved it

3777

Tweet

Share

By poorhamster - 23/10/2010 06:22 - United States

Today, I found my pet hamster that escaped yesterday, wet and soggy, next to my pet dog. My dog chewed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30974

You deserved it

3898

Tweet

Share

By professorsdaughter - 19/6/2014 05:28 - United States - Spokane

Today, my boyfriend once again cancelled a date because he has too much homework. His professor is my dad, who's assigning astronomical amounts of homework to keep us from seeing each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61604

You deserved it

4822

Tweet

Share

By moneyman22 - 1/3/2010 19:09 - United States

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31289

You deserved it

3939

Tweet

Share

By denied - 26/3/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66566

You deserved it

5095

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/4/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, four hours before a test, I received an email from my professor saying that the test had been canceled. When I checked my email again before bed, I found another email from my professor saying that his email had been hacked and the test was was still on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43201

You deserved it

3778

Tweet

Share

By Uneducated - 26/1/2019 20:00

Today, my dad informed me that I’d not be progressing into next year’s class because it’s a waste of money. But it’s fine because my twin will be learning for the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1539

You deserved it

149

Tweet

Share

By living_thedream - 14/1/2013 06:51 - United States - Bethpage

Today, while living in Florida, I had a conversation with my mother explaining that it might be best for me to come back home. Her response, "Don't worry, they have plenty of homeless shelters down there if you need a place to stay." Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31748

You deserved it

3701

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking through old photos. My dad comments, "Wow you were chubby back then. But that's ok, it was baby fat." Then he turns to me and asks, "What's your excuse now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57420

You deserved it

11332

Tweet

Share

By full of losses - 29/7/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, the day after my grandfather's funeral, my grandmother informed me I have 30 days to move out. I've been living with them for four years, helping take care of my sick grandfather. She's already changed the locks and won't unlock the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4394

You deserved it

260

Tweet

Share

By anun - 14/1/2014 14:06 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31725

You deserved it

6999

Tweet

Share

By Can I press charges? - 15/1/2015 17:23 - Australia - Hamilton

Today, my nutjob girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my best friend, just because she's a woman. Before she left, my now-ex decided to punish me by destroying the dissertation I've spent months working on, along with both backups of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40450

You deserved it

4608

Tweet

Share

By OiVey - 1/11/2017 18:30 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, I found out that I've been taking the wrong math class all semester. We're only a few weeks from finals and I have no drops left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3216

You deserved it

1517

Tweet

Share

By Anna L. - 25/3/2013 00:23 - United States - San Antonio

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36067

You deserved it

6535

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/1/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - Wrexham

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59122

You deserved it

18842

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 08:25 - United States

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9094

You deserved it

68036

Tweet

Share

By jesushelpme - 22/10/2012 19:08 - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32023

You deserved it

5558

Tweet

Share

By frankie - 19/1/2009 01:01 - Canada

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it didn't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23790

You deserved it

3483

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/10/2017 16:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, after extensive tests due to pregnancy-related issues, I've been told my diet must change. I can no longer eat salt, sugar, gluten, or meat, and lactose is questionable. The doctor hopes it will end after the birth. Seven months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3382

You deserved it

329

Tweet

Share

By pizzacat - 22/9/2010 08:49 - Australia

Today, I was conducting interviews and I could tell this particular candidate was really nervous, so I was extra nice. At the end, he was reluctant to shake my hand. On the way out I realised why: I had lost the top button on my low cut top, and he was nursing his appreciation of the view. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26488

You deserved it

8322

Tweet

Share

By WaterNeeded - 21/6/2018 20:30

Shortage

Today, I came back from a holiday with in-laws who don't speak English. After taking a dump and not being able to flush, I realised they had turned off the water prior to the holiday. I had to show them my poop to explain they had no running water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3793

You deserved it

404

Tweet

Share

By Scaredshitless - 3/2/2010 13:48 - France

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31809

You deserved it

3710

Tweet

Share

By StewPit - 16/4/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15219

You deserved it

74876

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/10/2012 05:39 - Australia - Cambridge

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23413

You deserved it

3186

Tweet

Share

By Jesska - 3/9/2010 19:59 - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33127

You deserved it

7048

Tweet

Share

By Operation Yewtree here I come - 26/9/2014 20:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40253

You deserved it

4186

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Damarys | 0

#215376 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:19

Firstly, I think red is a really sexy color no matter the woman. But unfortunately, it's only magazine-pretty if you have fabulous white teeth.

By rssffff08 | 0

#215385 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:20

crest white strips work miracles

COMMENTS

By Damarys | 0

#215376 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:19

Firstly, I think red is a really sexy color no matter the woman. But unfortunately, it's only magazine-pretty if you have fabulous white teeth.

Reply

fatalkiss | 0

#935056 - Thursday 11 March 2010 5:52

red lipstick just looks weird now idk.

OP, he sounds gay...what straight guy makes comments like tht?

Reply

ronton | 4

#1051865 - Thursday 1 July 2010 17:35

what is this the bachelor? jesus

Reply

lucy9897 | 6

#3167912 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 20:53

I think OP should have said this:

Guy: Your teeth are REALLY yellow.
OP: Yeah? Well your FACE is REALLY yellow!
(walks out leaving guy with confused expression)

Reply

foodlord | 5

#3400326 - Friday 7 October 2011 10:40

My teeth are really yellow so I kno how u feel... But it's bcoz I hav a calcium defect or sumfing

Reply

01sparkly | 15

#5265846 - Friday 21 December 2012 0:53

That's why I smile with my mouth closed

Reply

BamBAmGG | 14

#6209497 - Sunday 22 February 2015 7:34

I think he's just a fucking wanker for saying something to ruin her ego and self confidence in the first place. If you have nothing nice to say to someone, don't say anything at all. Why is that so hard for some people to comprehend?

Reply

The_Unlucky1 | 19

#6567864 - Saturday 26 March 2016 19:23

I believe is because all of the makeup makes the red stand out more.

By rssffff08 | 0

#215385 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:20

crest white strips work miracles

By Damarys | 0

#215388 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:20

whoops, double post. my bad

By Emilaaay_alexa | 0

#215391 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:21

Well, he was a dick, but YDI for not brushing your teeth. :x

Reply

carlomanden | 5

#5056469 - Thursday 18 October 2012 17:41

That doesn't necessarily have anything to do with brushing.

Reply

kyliebear | 15

#5204287 - Saturday 1 December 2012 15:09

^^^ agreed. It could be your diet. Some foods and drinks cause your teeth to turn yellow :

By GDinNJ | 0

#215392 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:21

Wow...that's actually surprising, just because most people I know wouldn't actually say that out loud. Unless, of course, you're really close friends with him. Huh, well, yeah, FYL. As #2 said, try the Crest white strips.

By ArtsySwag | 0

#215401 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:22

Whatever happened to the "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all" rule? What a jerk :(.

By soundmind311 | 0

#215406 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:24

maybe you should brush ur teeth then...

By sarahlee123 | 0

#215411 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:24

#7 is right,
but still brush your damn teeth girl!
seriously!

By _HollieWould | 0

#215420 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:25

LMAO
ya use some crest whitestrips guuurl!
looks good with red lipstick =)

By Button_x | 0

#215434 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 23:28

#4 Most times people's teeth are just LIKE that. It has nothing to do with "not brushing", it's just the normal color of most teeth. -_-