Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after I unfortunately woke up too early and too quietly at my new-ish boyfriend's place (we've been together for about a month), I walked into his bathroom to discover that he's one of those freaks who drinks his own piss every morning. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML
Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML
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Top comments
Monikabug 9
And? Less cleaning for you!
Luckster 0
Actually, it's a very intelligent design, having the toilet next to the sink. I had food poisoning once and I was SOO happy our bathroom was designed in such a way that I didn't need to worry about guessing which side was next to spew. Horrible time...haven't eaten tomatoes ever since....
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Comments (126)
Monikabug 9
And? Less cleaning for you!
VayneValentine 3
Exactly! And who likes cleaning? He was thinking about you :3
lezzyluver 0
smart man
Horney4her69 0
nice pick of a guy.
3DLoli 0
Strategy, my friend.
alleyx3 0
smart.
happyhak 5
In Soviet Russia, sink pukes on man!
Monikabug 9
What do sinks puke up in Soviet Russia? hmmm....
FernandoTorres_fml 0
They puke communism. Or that's what the Americans are taught.
shtuff 0
@33 Don't be jealous because America is better. Everyone hates us until a natural disaster hits their country. Then they expect our help.
Monikabug 9
Let's not even get into the "my country is better" - "no mine is" argument. I am already bored of it.
FernandoTorres_fml 0
Then you rebuild the country with American money, which leaves them in heavy debt. Your economic colonisation is uncanny.
nates0210 0
being from Iowa should be an fml altogether.
ReyEr9412 0
Today, my husband revelaed to me that he is an incredibly intelligent person who knows what he wants and how to get it . FML
aardvarkish 17
@ 46 - Are you as dumb as a box of rocks? That's a joke based on the routine of Yakov Smirnoff.
samanthaiscool 0
he's deff a keeper ;)
Monikabug 9
@55 No I am not as dumb as a rock. I know where the joke is from, I was LITERALLY asking. What would a sink throw up? Water? Toothpaste? Depending on what it did puke it could be very bad for the man. If you couldn't tell I was joking around with him, I will sell you some common sense, jerk.
ilovechocochipz 0
haha way to be
ravensunnyd 0
can some one say alchoholic?
ravensunnyd 0
# 51 no that's Missouri silly the suroundings are to dull for art work and it's freezing balls here in the winter and so hot in the summer you could cook an egg on the side walk
kkamp516 10
**** you you little Soviet terrorist.
CountChaos 0
fyl for not realizing that you can take advantage of his drinking problems (it starts with "drunk" and ends with "sex")
ImaginaryFoe 1
It's as good a reason as any. If the place fits around your lifestyle, what's not to love?
epicenur 2
fernando, don't be jealous of our freedom to pick jobs. btw u did start it
happyhak 5
#106, technically, i started it :)
SmellDaPurp 0
sounds great to me! i dont see how this is a fml.
laylay33 6
Anyone else notice the lack of likes on the comments...?
strandedinalimo 0
Was it at least a nice house?
lezzyluver 0
giggle
DarkStriker 0
Well he is picking out the house, he should have what he wants
nayy_fml 0
atleast it won't be that messy
cambition_fml 0
dump him. he's not worth it.
dvoss52 3
Come on man!! ( or woman ) have a sense of humor... You ain't no fun :(
Luckster 0
Actually, it's a very intelligent design, having the toilet next to the sink. I had food poisoning once and I was SOO happy our bathroom was designed in such a way that I didn't need to worry about guessing which side was next to spew. Horrible time...haven't eaten tomatoes ever since....
lky830 0
I concur. You can't always predict when your fetuccine comes with a side of salmonella
boreddoubletears 0
One word: bucket. I've been there, and it ain't pretty. Though it is effective...
lovelyred 0
so? why is this an fml. he's a smart dude.
DyKy 2
hahaha nice but i also think this is less cleaning for you xDD although is kinda wierd to pick the House cuz of the bathroom where u can shit and pule at the Same time xD sure that He was serious?^^
baby_gurly 0
wtf ?