Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant with my extended family. It was expensive, and when the bill came, I whispered to my brother, "We may need to make this one a Chew and Screw". When the waitress came back to the table, my five year-old son decided to ask aloud, "What's Chew and Screw?". FML
Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to my family's traditional late Thanksgiving dinner. While eating, my mom brought up celebrity infidelity. My grandpa ended up looking me in the eye and saying, "Look Angie, sometimes what a man has just isn't enough. When that happens, cheating is forgiveable." FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I'm cheating on him, with my brother. FML
Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML
Today, my brother had his fiancée over to meet the whole family. We were having a great time with her, and my mother gushed to her that she was like the daughter she never had. I'm her daughter. FML
Today, my family and my fiancée's family met each other and my worst fear came true. My asshole dad found out my fiancée's dad is a reverend and his first sentence was, "How's the molestation business these days?" It didn't take long before a brawl erupted and we were kicked out. I'm cutting him off for good. FML
Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and me. It started with, "I love you", and ended with,"You and your brother were mistakes." FML
Today, I serve at church and had a funeral. As I greeted the family, someone asked how I was doing. Without thought, I responded, "Good to be alive." FML
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Top comments
ohmyword08 0
aww, well you prove them wrong ! :D
jaskyriddims 0
Hi
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Comments (121)
paulm_fml 0
Toxicology would be well suited for a religion, given that it is the branch of pharmacology that involves studying the effects of poisoning people. I don't know how well that correlates with the rest of your plans, though.
catiredan 0
**** then. be a good person. it's not tough. god ain't got shit to do with that
AAAAHHHH12 2
Hello Chev.
darthj93 0
Ydi for believing in an egomaniacal freak Screw god You wouldn't have those problems if you were pastafarian
Intoxicunt 6
Tom Cruise can win. He's a crazy, like us. He's on our side. And he abuses the mentally handicapped, which goes well with my instructions.
jefferus 0
YDI for having a silly name
jobiff 0
ydi for being thought as a failure in the first place.
maddi27 0
hahahaha. best comment ever
heatrider986 1
Chev, what a stuiped name. you should change it to goerge or James.
EmDizzle2007 28
yet another familiar pops up in the randoms.